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When good looking people say they're ugly...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Drakey, May 24, 2012.

  1. Drakey

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    First off, I know you all might call me a hypocrite seeing as I have a photo of myself up here that's actually reasonably good, but that's a rare occasion where I look good. Usually I'm very very ugly and I only look good in photos very rarely. Anyywayyysssss moving on!

    I was scrolling through my facebook today when I saw a really attractive guy that I've had a small crush on for a while who has a boyfriend and lots of people who like him call himself ugly. I was instantly very very annoyed because I have had self image issues for all my life and have always been considered very ugly by most people around me. I would pretty much give anything to look the least bit attractive at any time. I guess I know that all my problems couldn't be solved by being attractive but I really hate it when people don't appreciate the good looks given to them >.>

    on a more positive note...I HAVE COOKIES (!)
     
  2. Maddy

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    Even the most attractive people can be led to believe they're not. I've seen plenty of beautiful people be bullied or manipulated into thinking they're ugly.
     
  3. Drakey

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    true...but still I guess it's a matter of them not appreciating what so many people wish they had
     
  4. The thing is, how do you appreciate something you're sure you don't have?
    I think that's the point Maddy is trying to make.

    Lots of people feel ugly even when other's say they aren't.
     
  5. Jonathan

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    I don't think it's necessarily how they actually look that matters, but how they perceive that they look. A person who may be beautiful but has really bad self-esteem is still going to think their ugly regardless of the characteristics they have. While you may think that a person looks nice or attractive, they may perceive themselves in a completely different way. I don't think you should be angry with a person for having lousy self-esteem.

    *gasp*
    What kind cookies?!?!?! :grin:
     
  6. ArcaneVerse

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    ^this. Just because you can see their beauty doesn't mean they are able to see it.
     
  7. Maddy

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    That's basically what I'm trying to say. You can't appreciate having something if you don't believe you have it.
    I'm not confident in my looks. There are some people, generally friends of mine, who get frustrated if I express my dislike of my looks, and say stuff like "how can you think you're ugly?" My answer is always that I've been called ugly so many times, and seen so many images of beauty which are the exact opposite to what I look like, that how can I see myself any other way? Even if I know objectively that I'm probably not that bad-looking, I can't look in the mirror and see anything except ugliness, because it's what I've been led to believe all my life.
     
  8. Drakey

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    all true statements. Don't they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? I really really wish I could make certain people understand how beautiful they are though...it really sucks to feel helpless in the matter. Which is how some people feel about me I guess :/
     
  9. Kidd

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    What is and is not beautiful and ugly is totally subjective anyway. I know what you mean though. I was watching a documentary about Body Dismorphic Disorder one night a while ago and I just could not believe how beautiful some of these people were, and they were attempting suicide because they were so "ugly," and although I'm normally a very sympathetic person to people's feelings and stuff, it just seemed so shallow, but I know I'm guilty of the same thing. I mean, look at this girl;

    [​IMG]

    She was burned in a U.S. drone strike in Afghanistan and left for dead in a trash can by her own parents. Her name is Shakira, and she's 4. (Story about her here.) This is what she looks like after some of her surgeries to fix her face, and nothing can be done about the white patch of skin on her forehead. Compare her to these BDD sufferers that are crying because their noses are "too big," or their lips are too thin, or their hairline starts too low or too high, or they have bad nail beds, or wide hips, or whatever. Ever since I saw that story about this girl last year I've tried every day to be thankful for the life and looks that I have.
     
  10. Zachary825

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    It is all self esteem or something I guess. Like i dont think im all that but some people do lol..
     
  11. Just Passing

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    Everyone is pretty much their own worst critic (and I should know), so they would perceive their own looks, regardless of how attractive they are to be ugly.
     
  12. Chip

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    Our self-image is highly tied to our self worth... and our self worth has been (particularly for people in the US), relentlessly degraded and deteriorated by the incessant advertising put out by the cosmetics, hair care, plastic surgery, weight loss, fashion, fitness, and other industries that have planted this idea that we will be much more beautiful if we only buy the crap they are selling.

    And as others have said, if you grow up constantly being devalued, told you're ugly, or harmed in other ways, it can have a really profound effect on your self-image; shame researcher Brene Brown's work indicates that for a large portion of the population, a single incident in which a parent or teacher humiliated or devalued them can effect their sense of self-esteem 10 or 20 or 30 years later.

    As easy as it is to dismiss the idea that someone many people would view as "gorgeous" or "beautiful" finds themselves ugly, I can tell you firsthand, from working with many attractive teens and young adults... that it is absolutely true, and no matter what they're told, or how many times they hear it, it's near impossible to accept.

    Those messages and scripts can change, but it takes time and a lot of self-work to go into oneself and pull out those messages and change them.
     
  13. Zontar

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    I found my crush's tumblr a few nights ago.

    It's nothing but this fucking parade of "Oh, look at how bad my body is" or "Oh god why am I so ugly" or "Jesus Christ I hate my body." Endless fucking pity party, woe-is-me, why am I so this and that, yada yada yada.

    This guy is the hottest damn bastard I've ever met, really one of a handful of guys I've had the hots for. And this is all aside from how I'm attracted to him emotionally; he's really fucking hot. I don't know what on earth he is talking about. Frankly, if he wanted someone to help him prove how hot he is, I'd be more than welcome to assist. I dunno why he drones on about being ugly, but it's fucking stupid everytime I read this tripe. He's got no reason to be saying this shit about himself.

    So, really, I dunno what to tell half of these people. I've done my fair share of bitching, yes, but that's more about my virginity than it is about my looks, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I haven't lost my virginity because I don't even have one cell of a ball in my body to ask someone like him out. Brooke Shields didn't get laid until she was what, 22 I think it was? Looking good is only 60% or so of this process.

    If you look half normal, you're not ugly, you're probably just lazy. A little weight loss goes a long way, as well as a good sense of style. I've done the same thing and started getting compliments from people. The more I think about it, I wasn't ugly; I was just fat, frumpy, and closeted. I'm working on that last bit now. It's a marketing game like anything else; few people will buy something in a blank box where more will buy something in the same box that's painted up with shiny dyes. Yeah, so people don't want you as you are, that's a damn shame. Who you are probably sucks, and that's your fault, not your genes. Change everything you have the power to change, improve the product you're delivering, and you will certainly see success. That's how it went over for me. It's all in your power to improve.

    Even then you can have all these things (like he does, he doesn't need to change a damn thing because he's perfect) and still bitch for god knows whatever reason.
     
    #13 Zontar, May 24, 2012
    Last edited: May 24, 2012
  14. Chip

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    Would it help to know that a surprising number of really hot guys complain that they have a hard time finding dates and relationships because people are afraid to approach them?

    Or that many of them would *much* rather go out with someone who is "average" but who loves and cares about them for who they are, rather than what they look like?

    Of course, there are others who are insecure and wrapped up in their appearance and what others think of them, and those folks probably won't go out with anyone they don't consider to be as attractive as they are... but those aren't the ones that you're likely to be able to sustain any sort of healthy relationship with anyway.

    So really, you have nothing to lose by putting yourself out there and giving it a try. I realize that's hard as hell, and I'm equally shy when it comes to that... but it's amazing what can happen when you push yourself beyond your safety zone and try the things that are scary :slight_smile:
     
  15. Drakey

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    I guess. I just fear that I'm not good enough because most guys want somebody...good enough. It's gonna take a while before I can ever be fair about my appearance. x3
     
  16. I'm not sure what the accurate scientific term is, but it's known as "Ugly Duckling Syndrome". I mean, you go through school and life perhaps you were the one bullied for your looks/weight/style what have you. Then you make changes as you get older but you'll always have that in the back of your mind, people calling you "fat" "ugly" "nerd" so it's hard to accept those compliments when people do comment on how beautiful you look. Don't know if this makes sense?

    Anyways, what if you really are ugly? I mean, I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I personally think everyone is attractive in their own way. Having said that, when I look at other people, and then myself in the mirror, I honestly am ugly, or less attractive shall we say. And, when trying to find a partner, you can't judge personality on appearances, so that's the first thing they notice is how you look. I've heard enough times how ugly I am. Ah well. I personally don't care, just wondering if the world isn't as shallow as I've experienced....
     
  17. SiberianHusky

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    All I have to say on this matter is... "you" are the most beautiful "you." there is no other person that was or will be like "you." So be proud of how "you" look and who "you" are, because "you" are a one and only unique person.

    And if i say "you" one more time i may go insane... well more than usual XD
     
  18. Not to hijack the thread, but BDD is a serious psychological disorder and not just people who have low self-esteem complaining that they're ugly.

    Though I agree that getting a little perspective is sometimes helpful in boosting one's self confidence in the looks department.

    And Chip's post is basically what I was thinking, but more articulate haha.
     
  19. wallrose

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    I never understodd how people who'v had relationships can think they're ugly. Unless your boyfriend has some wierd ugly fetish, you're probably fairly attractive.

    And it actually pisses me off a little when attractive people think they're ugly. Yes, yes, they can't help it yadda yadda. But seriously, here I am sitting in a pile of hideous fat face, and you think YOU'RE ugly? There should be laws against it.
     
  20. flyinhernikes

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    beauty is in the eye of the beholder whats attractive to one isnt necessarily to another.

    and everyone no matter how good looking you think they are or they think they are has body issues. but i dont see anyone calling themselves ugly on my facebook lol.

    i used to think i was the ugliest person ever when i was like 15, i used to go around saying im ugly but it just draws negative attention to me so i learnt to keep my insecurities to myself.

    but now i know i might not be the best looking i cant do anything about how i look, i just appreciate that all my body parts work and that i am alive. people have it far worse than me and peoples looks arent everything.