What to identify as socially?

You can tell them: Im 'not straight'. More into guys, but don't be surprised when I start dating a girl.
Or maybe (what I'd say): I'm gay. Or bi. Whatever. I'm into guys. But also into girls. A little. (For me it'd be I'm into girls. But also a little into guys.)
Good luck (*hug*)

 

You could say something like "I'm pretty gay, bit i won't say no to entertaining the idea of dating a girl." or something like that.

 

there's a few different ways, you could say that you prefer men, you're MSM (in gay vic it's a recognised term, men who sleeps/has sex with men) you could say you're pansexual, or you could leave it ambiguous and let the others decide.
Don't label yourself if you don't really want to

 

Well, I guess that the safest road to take is to say that you're bisexual, with a very strong slant to guys. It gets the message across, doesn't close any doors on ever dating a girl, and it seems to fit where you are now.

Worst case scenario, you find out that after being out for a bit, you lose your residual interest in girls, and you have to clarify that you're pretty much gay, once you had more time to figure your sexuality out.
(This is sometimes seen as "bi now, gay later", but it is how you feel now, so there's no reason why you can't self-identify as it now.)

I'm guessing that this will still lead to some discussion about how and why your attraction to guys and girls differs, and as to how you define yourself, but it's a good starting point to be more open, and with coming out, you'll hopefully manage to get the self-assurance you need!

 

I'm in your exact spot. My plan is to identify as bisexual "now", because I believe sexuality isn't as immutable as everyone says it is. The APA will tell you themselves that sexuality develops over a lifetime, and what you may be now isn't what you may be forever.

The key points are to understand that it lay outside your control, and that change is rare to begin with. Where you "lean" now is most likely what you will end up identifying as.

 

1. People might think that you were lying aobut your sexuality all along. Which isn't what you want, because if you do start dating a guy if you break up with the girl, people might think you're just doing it to be an attention whore. We all know that sexuality is fluid, but most other people don't. They believe it's cut and dry.

2. The 'bi now, gay later' thing is exactly what I've done (unintentionally). I didn't realize that I was full blown gay until I dated a girl. I've been gay all along, but having the experience with the same sex was what made it crystal clear to me.

I say go with that, and see where it takes you. Who knows, you might fall in love with girl and really be bisexual. Or you could date this girl and realize that you have no interest in any kind of relationship with a girl besides friendship. You'll figure it out eventually, but sometimes it takes a little bit of personal experience for you to learn the truth.

 

I agree with Filip. It is not uncommon for many people (gay or not) to say that they are Bi when coming out. Its like a buffering period, where you have the satisfaction of being out, and being able to experiment. I did this when I came out, it allowed me to not lean to one side or the other while I found myself, and it for some reason was easier to tell people.

My advice would be to take things slowly, one step at a time, and figure out who you are. Its ok to come out in which ever way you want, but remember to be prepared.

Good luck

 

i did the same exact thing and privately i identify as queer but to other people i identify as gay because i see myself with a man in the future and would prefer men to women. I told plenty of people i was bi leaning more towards the gay end when i was first coming out and that i was more interested in men but you just have to do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

 

Is there a difference between queer and gay?

 

Queer is always an option, so is 'I like boys'. I tend to use 'I like girls' as a way of avoiding giving a straight answer to people who only want to know because they won't date bi girls.

 

Yep, queer is when you can't really explain it too easily (like spiritual connection w/ men vs. sexual connection w/ women). But you can also just identify as queer. Then people know you're some kind of homo, but they can't truly make a judgement as to your true sexual preference because with queer it can be pretty vague.

I like to tell folks "I'm into girls" or even "I'm not too crazy for guys nowadays". But I definitely don't envision myself being with a guy in the future, so it's lesbo for now. I just don't identify as gay so much as queer.

For the OP, I'd suggest what others have been saying: Just go with bi and leaning towards guys more. You're still in the stage of questioning, and sexuality tends to be pretty fluid, so it's A-ok if you stick with bisexual for now.

 

How about "I like guys"? If someone asks you if you like girls too, you can just tell them that you're not sure about that part yet.

 

You know I dont really like the word queer. Some people would say no, there is not difference, but the word queer itself means odd, or strange. I dont like to be labeled as odd or strange. Liking men and being open about is an ok label but some terms are just not ok for me.

 

Oh Bisexuality, the label of choice for the gay and very gay alike that want to pretend they're not gay!

Here's the question: Are you ACTUALLY Bi? If the odds of you hooking up with a girl are longer than the odds of hitting the lottery (phew, I almost put something really graphic there instead!), then you ain't bi.

Yes I realize there's a spectrum, and yes I even realize that there are legitimately Bi people out there (I work with one actually), but when you use Bi as a label, people will either think like girls and guys mostly equally, or that you're just a deluded gay that doesn't want to admit you're gay. Just keep that in mind.

 

I think it's safe to "round up" to gay if you like guys 9x more than girls. Just sayin'...

 

I have problems with this too.

Identifying as straight clearly doesn't work, nor does gay, for obvious reasons

Identifying as bi makes people assume i like girls and guys equally, which isn't quite right, at least not numerically.

Identifying as pan (which is probably a closer description) makes people think i'm some kind of new-age space cadet who tags along with trends, and probably just trying to make excuses for actually being gay.

People are never going to get you until they know you. For most, there is no label you can rely on to convey a thorough understanding about yourself to others. There is no substitute for actual communication. I choose to go with 'bi' because i am comfortable enough with people assuming i'm just into whatever comes along. Either they either ask me to explain more about myself and end up knowing me better, or they don't ask because they're not interested, in which case i don't care what they choose to assume anyway.

---------- Post added 16th Mar 2011 at 01:31 AM ----------

And to those who aren't so keen on the word queer...

I personally really like it and often choose to identify as queer, because...

firstly, it covers so much territory. In identifying as queer, i could be talking about my gender identity and/or my sexual identity, and regardless of which (or both) it is, i am stating that i am not ashamed of it whatsoever. That way, trans people receive ideological defence from homosexual/bisexual people and vice versa.

secondly, i somewhat equate it with dark-skinned people adopting the word 'ni**er' and making it their own. They took what was a term of derision and hatred and turned it into a word of power, defiance, and equality.

Equally, it is capable of being used in a derogatory sense, just as the N word is. Everything depends on context. I am not into writing off an entire word based solely on its historical basis in past bigotry (which is fading, thanks in part to the continued use of the word queer in a positive sense, and thanks to the cumulative effect of the attitudes of thousands of people who have chosen to be queer, proud and loud)

 

I can understand not knowing what to label yourself as. I identified as gay early on (12ish?), but when I was around 14 I completely rejected it and went into this denial phase. I refused to label myself, even though 90% of the time I was having crushes on guys. I also had crushes on girls, sometimes, but I'll admit it was rare.

I continued to like guys and every once in a while I would have a huge crush on a guy and be like "oh wait...I think I'm gay". Then this other part of me would forget about it, like a defence mechanism?

This probably sounds pretty crazy I know. Then I had this crisis last October where I was feeling very depressed. I went to talk to a therapist, and I described what was going on. The therapist said - "oh, thats pretty common, you're [just] gay". I was like "really, I'm gay? really?" Then I was thinking about it for a bit and I was like "oh yeah, I am gay", but still there was a part of me that was rejecting it. But even at that point I was like "ok I'm gay but I will never come out" Now that a few months have passed I've accepted it and I'm way happier, its like I'm a complete person again.

Sorry if this sounds awful! I'm pretty normal actually