What Do You Think of Polyamory?

I'll take E), 11-foot-pole, please.

 

1. Not for me.
2. Don't care if other people do it.

Sorry I don't have more of an opinion on this, but I suppose having never been in a relationship with anyone at all, I'm not exactly thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with multiple people...

 

Personally, no. I find the idea frightening having read archaic religious books and being familiar with the idea of men considering several women to be their property and calling it "marriage". It just brings back haunting thoughts any time I see it. I have a rather weak stomach too...

I suppose you can do your own thing as long as it is within everyone's consent, however I don't see any way how it could end well. Couples of two get in arguments more than enough and I don't see how you could be that close with anyone if there's more than one. But I guess if it works for you, it works?

 

I would rarther just stick to one man but I don't see any harm in other people as long as all party's agree with it

 

Wow, I wish we could make this into a poll~~ Everyone's comments are so interesting, but also really back up how I'd felt... polyamory is still pretty taboo/ uncommon... But I love hearing how everyone states it...

One thing I read a lot was about how they wanted just one person who would love only them and that they'd "be enough"... poly people love everyone in the relationship and aren't on the prowl for more fulfillment... love is just something that is to be given and enjoyed, and can be fully given to more than one person, in my opinion... Of course, this is why I'm poly and others aren't, haha XD;;;

 

I think that polyamory works for some people and doesn't for others. Personally, it wouldn't work for me. As someone with a small dating pool who is picky, shy, lazy, and not exactly out there meeting a ton of people, it'll be hard enough for me to just find one person to date. I also don't get close to others easily, so even just forming one intimate relationship seems like it would be difficult, let alone working on multiple at once. And I'd prefer to date someone who wants to spend much more time with me than with anyone else, so I'm much better suited to monogamy.

Also, I disagree with the notion that poly people shouldn't raise children. As long as a kid is raised by loving and supportive adults who are able to provide for their needs in a consistent manner, why does it matter if those adults are monogamous, poly, or otherwise? So what if a parent explained to their kid that they have multiple partners, each of whom they love and respect? The child would just grow up knowing that there are more valid options for forming intimate romantic/sexual relationships than just monogamy. And I really doubt that most kids would care if their parents were poly as long as they were well taken care of. Also, it can be advantageous for a child to grow up with a larger support network than the typical nuclear family.

And I find it funny that the sentiments expressed in this thread about why poly people shouldn't raise kids (i.e., it's icky, it's inherently harmful for kids, kids will feel bad about not having a typical family structure, and it brainwashes kids) are the exact same reasons that some people say that sexual and gender minorities should never raise kids.

I don't see why it would be weird to pick monogamy if that's what you want, are more comfortable with, or find more reasonable to pursue, or if you just don't care much either way. It would only be weird for you to pick monogamy if monogamy conflicted with your relationship needs.

Also, it's pretty normal for people to still feel attraction to others even while they're in a monogamous relationship, and people can feel attracted to multiple people at once without feeling the need to date or be having sex with multiple people at once. Your poly friends are just assuming what you would feel based on their own feelings and preferences (as humans are apt to do). If you think that you can be happy being monogamous, then you most likely can.

 

I only recently found out what it was :/

People should do what they want if its right for them, so long as it doesn't screw with anyone else. I wouldn't do it though, cos I'd probably get too jealous and I don't see how I could love more than 1 person like that and still feel like it was an actual relationship(s?)

 

I'm not interested in anything but monogamy, I really just want to be faithful to one person, and I would be too anxious about jealousy etc involved with multiple partners. I think people who are poly usually do it well and can deal with everything that comes with it, but I'm not one of them. I just want to focus on the one person I'm with and take care of them. I think I would feel too guilty and worried about hurting them even if they agreed to poly. But I'm not interested in that.

 

It's definitely not for me, but I think that polygamous people should be able to be in polygamous relationships, as it is a consensual relationship with multiple people who also give/gave their consent.

 

I don't think I'd mind polyamory at all, whether it's my partner being polyamorous or me. Or both of us, together. I don't have very many jealousy issues either, so I don't think it'd be difficult at all to healthily maintain a poly relationship.

Maybe I'd like to try someday.

 

I'm currently in a polyamerous triad relationship. It's defintally not something for everybody, but we all enjoy the relationship that we have. The biggest thing that you have to remember ia that open communication is very important. Otherwise, things will start to fall apart.

 

I am all for polygamy and polyamory. Do your own thing.

As for me, I always say I'm "naturally loyal, not necessarily monogamous." When I say that, it means I've grown to realize I may (possibly) be able to be polyamorous, but am fine with monogamy too. I will be loyal to whoever I'm with and have no interest in cheating, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm automatically no longer attracted to others. Sex and love can be totally separate.

However, even if I was polyamorous, it would probably involve pretty strong boundaries. I am not into sleeping around, so I'd probably just enjoy the more flirtatious aspect of it. As much of a flirt as I am, I would never hurt my partner. I feel more comfortable being monogamous in general, anyways. He says he is a very territorial person as he has been cheated on, so he's not into polyamory or threesomes or anything like that, which is fine with me.

Overall, I lean towards monogamy and enjoy it (I'm engaged in fact), but could possibly go either way. Not sure.

 

I just realized that I've never actually responded directly to this thread. And I feel like I should.

First, there are many different kinds of polyamorous relationships. Some I could be (very) comfortable with...others I would not touch with a 10-foot pole.

But my main observation, after being raised to firmly believe in (and practice) monogamy, and then living in my own skin for many years, as well as being in a mongamous relationship for 30 years...is that I believe that:

Although
(a) Everyone chooses to live monogamously or not to;
it is also true that
(b) Some people are polyamorous by nature, and others are not.

This is exactly the case with sexuality and gender (you choose how you live...your sexuality and your gender are determined at birth...recognizing that sex and gender are two different things, of course). So it is not surprising it should be the same with one's inclination toward polyamory.

It has taken me years and years of processing to realize that I am polyamorous by nature, and that, especially as I'm getting older, I need a polyamorous understanding in my relationship. Never thought I'd end up feeling this way...would have said it was impossible even 10 years ago...that it's just not me (would have even condemned polyamorous relationships without understanding what they are or why people are in them). But look around this site, and you see all *kinds* of people saying that 10 years ago they never could have pictured being gay/bi/trans/whatever...would have said it's just not them, and even condemned people who identified that way...yet here we all are. Ain't life non-stop amazing?

 

I have no problem with it and could see myself in a polygamous relationship. I mean there are 7.4 Billion people in the world and rising... I can't just fall in love with one person can I?

 

This is important and true. Thank you for saying it.

 

Haha I'm monogamous and I agree with this. Too jealous of people can be a turn off in any relationship.

Sadly though, even "poly" people can be territorial. For example, the guy who thinks It's hot if his girlfriend sleeps with other women but forbids her from sleeping with other men due to jealousy (and at the same time, he's "allowed" to sleep with women himself). Totally a turn-off.

 

Haha He isn't jealous at all actually. I've been hit on numerous times since we've dated, and it doesn't bother him. He's just "territorial" in the sense that he only wants us to have sex with each other and no one else, which I can understand and is fine with me.

Yeah I've had plenty of chances to cheat, and I mean A LOT in the last 2 years we've been together. Yet he has trusted me in every situation and never accused me of it, and I didn't want to because I would never hurt him like that. In fact, two people were interested in me at the time (guy and girl), and I chose him. He waited patiently to see if I would. I have had an abusive relationship where I was always accused of cheating, and I was so glad to get out of that one...

 

I have nothing wrong with polygamy as long as everyone is the country's legal age of consent, they consent to being in a polygamous relationship, and they respect that some people prefer being in monogamous relationships.

 

back in time, I used to think "do whatever you want, but without me". I was accepting it in others, but couldn't imagine myself being in such kind of relationship.
now I feel things have changed a bit. I'm engaged with the most wonderful man on Earth, but at the same time I have a crush on another man. if he wasn't taken, maybe I'd make a move and we three could live happily together.