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What Do You Think of Polyamory?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by iiimee, Aug 27, 2016.

  1. iiimee

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    Hey, so I'm just curious what everyone thinks of the subject, especially with how it relates to them personally.

    Personally, I guess I'd call myself a monogamist-by-choice if anything... I'm perfectly fine with polyamory and totally understand it and I don't think I'd even have any issues dating someone who was polyamorous, since I was close to 0% jealousy when it comes to people, even if I love them. XD Still, I always feel like my sister thinks me strange when I tell her I choose to be monogamist, and I think it's mostly because it probably reminds her of gay men and women who choose abstinence OR choose to marry the opposite gender... but I don't think it's really like that. :/ I think that monogamy has become so ingrained into most developed societies that almost everyone chooses it for convenience's sake- honestly, that is one of the reasons I choose it. XD That, and the fact that despite how many people I find attractive, I always feel like it'd be weird if I didn't stay committed to one person... I mean, if I really got pressured I'd try to experiment I guess, but I think most people want monogamy in most societies anyway just due to how we're raised, so it just doesn't seem smart for me to be strictly polyamorous, so-to-say... Is there a word for this? XD Probably. If there is, let me know!

    ^ I think my views are only controversial because it implies that monogamy is a choice in general, but really, I don't think this view is SUPER radical, considering how often people cheat even when they're happy in a relationship. I think that, if anything, polyamory is more healthy because there's no expectation of you having to be with only that one person, but you still get the same comforts you'd get if you were in a monogamous relationship... Still, personally I don't date multiple people at a time, but I'm fine with people who do. XD Also, having a polyamorous sister means I get to judge at least three different boyfriends/girlfriends at a time... She's popular... XD
     
  2. kibou97

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    Personally, I don't like the idea of being in a relationship with someone who's polyamorous because for me, that'd probably create a ton of jealousy and anxiety for me as well as probably some self loathing but as for other couples who are poly, if they don't have a problem with it then I don't know why i should have a problem with their polyamorous relationship.
     
  3. Daydreamer1

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    It might be a douchy thing to say, but I don't have a problem with people who are poly as long as they don't hit on my partner and respect that we're monogamous (since it's happened before where people who are poly tried to push that shit on us).
     
  4. iiimee

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    ^ See, my thing with that is I'm already used to it, since the last person I dated for six months did have a period of time in which they experimented. :/ I got jealous at first, because my expectation going into the relationship was that we'd be exclusive, and it didn't really work out with that person at all, but I still think I'm personally fine with it. >_< Still, I'm only discussing this because my sister's poly, so was my ex, and now another friend of mine is now saying they're poly... It is all very intriguing to me, but I always feel like they think I'm odd for choosing monogamy, and honestly, I want to know if I am. XD Really, I'd love some honest opinions on what people think of this. The only thing is that my poly friends say that it'd be impossible for me to be monogamous and happy if I am attracted to more than one person at the same time, but I really don't think that's the case. :/ Still, I'd love to hear what anyone here has to say if that's their viewpoint.
     
  5. bookreader

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    My only thing is that if one of them conceived a kid. How would the kid feel later on in his teens that his parents are in a polygamous relationship?
     
  6. YuriBunny

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    I wouldn't want to be in polygamous relationship, but I don't care if other people do. It's just not my thing~.
     
  7. ScatteredEarth

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    Say no more lol. My last relationship ended up breaking apart over my boyfriend questioning monogamy in general. Well that, and a couple of other issues, but that was the tipping point. Now granted I've come to the realization that I could be in a relationship with a polyamorous person and I have no issue with the concept. This doesn't mean that I'll never feel any sort of jealousy but I think that's only natural. Me personally, I could not see myself being unfaithful unless it was in a relationship like this, in which case I would try to embrace it. But I'm naturally strongly monogamous.
     
  8. leslie

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    One spouse,my husband is enough.I am not into it
     
  9. Robert

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    Its fine.
     
  10. Creativemind

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    I'm morally fine with it if It's what others choose to do. It only starts to piss me off when It's a sexist/double standard situation such as a one penis policy or one vagina policy.

    I myself could never be in one, simply because I feel like I can only emotionally handle monogamy. I agree that monogamy is a choice, It's just one I prefer to make.
     
  11. SkyWinter

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    I think if you want to date a bunch of people then cool, but don't get married and have kids and be poly. That's not cool for the kids.

    "Who's that mom?" "Oh, that's my ...uh...special friend!"

    Yuck.
     
  12. candyjiru

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    I think it's something that all parties need to be open and honest about~ For me, I'm in a relationship with a guy and he is open to my polyamory, as long as he's the only man involved... He isn't polyamorous, but he understands that I am and that I really am much more into women than into men... we are both on the same page and talked about what is and what isn't considered "cheating" to him and what he felt completely okay with, so I feel good about it. I think the real key is communication and understanding... if everyone involved isn't feeling it and is really a total monogamist, that's when those relationships can't work out. I've had women who haven't been into it, even though they never see that guy and we don't do threesomes or interact at all with other parties, and I understand it's not something that everyone is comfortable with (truly a shame, lol).

    Again, what's right for one is not right for all, and communication is the only way we can express ourselves and learn about others and our relationships with them. I do always feel kind of weird telling people this, though, because they usually just think I'm lying and I'm a cheater and no one would be okay in this kind of relationship, so... it can be difficult to talk about it... I feel more judgement saying I'm poly than saying I'm bi or pan, tbh... ;.;
     
  13. Kodo

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    What other people do is their business, so I'm neither for nor against it. It may have unique potential for the persons involved, yet it may also pose unique challenges.

    For me, though, I could not date a poly person nor be in such a relationship dynamic. I am intensely monogamous, so it would not work. I couldn't deal with a partner who I wasn't enough for, nor the balance of affections between several people. It's all or nothing for me, always has been. If I fall in love, it will probably only be with one person in the span of my life for whom I would give my absolute and singular devotion.
     
    #13 Kodo, Aug 27, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2016
  14. StefaniPurrr

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    Brings too much stress and drama into all relationships. Plus, the whole STD issue with bringing in new people. As Sky notes above, you're kids must always be the first priority.
     
  15. iiimee

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    I sort of disagree with Sky. :/ I think that as long as you're honest with your kids and explain to them that some people love more than one person but don't betray their partners since their partners are okay with it, the kid will understand and probably be pretty cool with it. XD I used to be weirded out about it, but as time goes on I find myself finding couples who form a full "circle" since they're all in love with each other quite cute. :/ Still, I feel that would only be an option for a poly person who is just looking for a bit of diversity... If you are constantly looking to date new people, being in one of those "circular" relationships might not work... I just find polyamory interesting because LGBT+ stuff was never flat-out condemned in front of me when I was young, but polyamory always was... So, while it's a little harder for me to wrap my mind around polyamory than homosexuality, I feel like I've been more and more accepting of it as I've grown up. It's just weird because my poly friends always seem to look at me like some sort of martyr for choosing monogamy, and honestly, sometimes I question myself, but really I'd rather keep both options open and just go with the flow: If I ever feel like experimenting, maybe I'll try it out, but I don't want to label myself as "strictly mono" or "strictly poly" when I know how I feel about it for myself... Being poly is DEFINITELY NOT a deal breaker for me, but trying to force me to try it out at this stage when I'm just not ready would be a big issue.
     
    #15 iiimee, Aug 27, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2016
  16. Sealgirl19

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    I think it works for whoever it works for. Personally it's not my cup of tea. I'm too selfish for that kind of relationship.
     
  17. RainbowGreen

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    Not for me.

    I don't get interested in more than one people at a time. When I crush on someone, everyone else becomes friendzoned (at least, for the time being). I also get a bit jealous when they get attention from people they could consider dating because I'd really want to be with them. I'd much prefer a single relationship where I could trust my partner not to cheat and they could trust me to do the same.

    As for poly, I don't have a problem with it if everyone consents. The thing becomes complicated when you bring in marriage and kids in it, however. I don't think you should be able to be officially married to more than one person. There are benefits to being married usually and no I don't think you should get more. Also, the papers would get very complicated. As for the kids, well, that's a more grey area, but mostly, they should be able to tell who their parents are.
     
  18. AgenderMoose

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    I was almost in a polyamorous relationship. As long as the people involved are all okay with it and happy then it's fine in my book.
    [​IMG]
    Proceed with your life.
     
  19. Opheliac

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    I don't think humans as a whole are actually meant to be monogamous. The fact that many people are is a social thing. I've never been in a poly relationship but I'm quite sure I wouldn't mind.

    As for the kids question, I think it actually ties into the bigger issue of what "normal parents" are. I mean, bigots use the exact same "think of the children!" logic to invalidate gay marriage or even single parenthood. As long as you're open with the kids and treat it as something unremarkable instead of something you have to hide, they are unlikely to see a problem with it.
    In fact there are plenty of kids with stepparents. I don't really see how this is all that different.
     
  20. Aussie792

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    Nah, I'm far too insecure to get into anything but a monogamous relationship.