What are you thinking?

I’m going to be so busy this month.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA got to work, didn't even punch in before they told me to go home because they had nothing for me to do. Three-day weekend, bitches!

 

For the first time in years, I’m actually feeling confident and good about where my life is heading.

 

I've been cutting back on my internet/social media time, and I feel healthier. Of course I still use it, just less. Even gaming for hours when I'm bored makes me feel better than social media.

 

I just bought two more books to add to my "yet to read" pile (which is probably like 20+ by now) and more clothes when I already have a shit-ton of stuff to wear.

Why do I do this?

 

Friend: Oh, you wouldn't like my friends so you can't hang out with us sorry.

Also my friend: Why don't you have more friends?

 

I won a Twitter contest to get a critique of a synopsis and the first ten pages of my novel-in-progress from someone in the industry and I just got my critique back today. Mine was done by a lady who works at Penguin Random House and she had all positive things to say about my main character and the questions she asked and was curious about were already things I explore in it and I legitimately wanted to cry, I was so happy to finally get this.

 

I'm finally feeling almost back to normal. It is nice to not have hives or even a rash all over my body anymore. They have no idea what caused it, but they did say that it probably would not happen anytime soon.

 

I am thinking about human rights everyday. When can we all be equal?

 

Guess I'm the idiot for thinking we had a shot at the title. We go to our hated rival's stadium and get thrashed 5-0. Now said rival is ahead of us in the league and the season's almost over. Don't know why I ever thought we could actually win the title.

 

Do people not like me on this forum or something or is this forum just not as busy as usual. None of my posts get responded too anymore. I don't like to be the one to complain but its just weird to me.

 

Congrats! I'd like to hear more about your book.

 

It's just not as busy as before, and it seems like a lot of people are kind of burned out on answering posts, myself included. There's only so many hundreds of times you can give people advice before every post starts looking the same and you stop spending as much time on them. If there were more new people it wouldn't be noticeable, but without them it leaves the threads a bit empty looking sometimes. It has nothing to do with you personally though.

 

Found out today that one of the people who I first connected with on EC committed suicide 5 years ago.

Not sure how to feel about it. Its really weird how the internet has shaped my life. He always knew he would do it though and we spoke about it multiple times. He and his mom had a pact that he would wait until he was 26 and then if he wanted to he could change his mind. It wasn't that he was a sad person either. He just...didn't get why people wanted to live so long? Its a fucking weird thing to think, but he just knew he didn't want to live that long. It was always stated very matter of fact.

I was reading conversations we had on FB. It reminded me how far I have come and how much I have learned in the short 10 years that I have been fully out. Just imagine how I will feel once I'm out for 40 years? Phew

Maybe its time to truly leave EC. Not sure yet. This space has meant so much to me that its hard to fully let go and feel like I'm not doing my part to make sure it keeps being here for future teenagers struggling their way through life.

I think I have to start my own project in order to leave this one. A way for me to walk away without feeling like I'm abandoning people. We shall see.

 

It has gotten quite a bit quieter. On top of that, the serious posts tend to only get a couple of replies at best (at least mine do).

 

*Places another anxiety on the pile*

 

I hope I ace the two job interviews this week. I'm really strapped for money.

 

That I really need to socialize more, that's why I'm here... Also, hi

 

That life is changing too much for my comfort.