What are you thinking?

Ah, sorry. I totally misread that then. Hope you've been well Gen!

 

Why would Peewee Herman give advice on what to do on a rainy day when he never leaves his play house? HE DOESN'T LEAVE IT!!! EVER!!!

Also, man. I'd love to lasso up Cowboy Curtis/young Lawrence Fishburn. Yum.

 

My cat did nothing but sleep for 90% of yesterday and now shes curled up to sleep some more. We have so much in common

 

I was on the phone with my father for almost 25 minutes tonight.

It's not that much time, but I haven't spoken to him very much at all since he moved. I'm glad I did that.

 

Today's To-Do List:

- Jog/run two blocks.
- Engage in verbal battle with financial aid services.
- Swim back and forth, for 30 minutes.
- Meditate for at least 45 minutes.
- Finish my piece for the local paper.
- Lift somebody's spirits today.
- Cuddle SHOW NO WEAKNESS!
- Be awesome.

And thus my day begins...

 

I realized recently that a lot of the songs I listen to normally are love songs... They have good beats, but yeah... No guy yet!

 

Mom just brought home a big jar of Nutella... I've never been this happy for a long time <3 O well, goodbye EC! I might die from complications because of diabetes soon

 

I get to go to this awesome pool/sleepover party tomorrow! Thought I wasn't going to be able to because my parents couldn't pick me up the morning after, but a friend offered to drive me home. In other words, can't wait till I can drive

 

Babies can be rotten little creatures xD

 

No, I watched Jungle De Ikou. NEVER WATCH IT OR YOU WILL POSSIBLY GO TO JAIL FOR IT. I'm not kidding.

 

Guy and me are talking quite often again. Went for a few drinks with him last Friday. Going to a small festival together next week. Things might go the right way again after all.

 

Bemoaning civilization, and all the air pollution we created; it's horrible, it makes it hard to breathe, all these fucking cars and engines puffing out fumes. (A skunk can't even compare to those harms. It's actions are only for protection)

The air out east, down south in places and in LA is like Beijing, we're chokin' like China on our own excess, and could care less what species goes extinct next.

Red Pandas will most likely be extinct in our lifetime, as well as a host of other species. But do we care? No.

An emphatic no: I feel hopeless; we don't value diversity so much as the latest disposable, must have iphone, and the sweat-shop labor and pollution that makes them possible.

I hate you, Steve Jobs, even after you're dead, and I hate Silicon valley, both the chips and the fake boobs.

 

Boyfriend's mom has two doctor's appointments!

Found like four beer bottles in her bathroom... The old bat lied, first of all, and second, she can't even figure out how to hide them better. She literally always hides them in her hamper. She can't rinse them out and at least put them in recycling? Oh my god and she wonders why people don't really take her seriously.

I know I sound really mean but I've had it up to here with her. It's been a 100+ degrees outside all week and she won't even let us turn on the house fan (not the AC) to get some air circulating because "the noise is too loud".

On a slightly better note, I can finally sleep a little better now that I finally got Melatonin. So at least there's that.

 

Yes! I was finally able to replace my old PS4 controller (which I accidentally broke a while ago trying to customize it), but my mother says I have to finish writing that scene for my book before I can use the new controller. Woe is me. :icon_sad:

 

A month ago there were no cuts, just marks on a very small area really close to my wrist. Now there are marks all the way to my elbow on both arms and cuts on one of the wrists. That escalated quickly.

 

Oh, then you havent seen the worst anime in the world yet.

 

Oh, but I have. You do not know what mind-dissolving pain feels like until you've seen Jungle De Ikou. I've said it before and I'll say it again: 12 year old girls doing sexually explicit dances to transform into New Guinean flower goddesses Sailor Moon style. And it's filled with horribly inappropriate jokes about those girls going through puberty. I've never had to sit through something more depraved in my life. I'm serious about it possibly going to put you in jail for watching it. I'm pretty sure I won't because I'm only 17 at the moment. I desperately wish that I could unsee what I cannot unsee. It truly is one of the worst things I've ever seen shat out of Japan. That, and Urotsukudoji, which had only a marginally smaller impact on me than Jungle De Ikou.

 

My mother just made a comment jokingly to me, but due to the tone said I wished she wouldn't say things like that when I'm not feeling well [mentally/emotionally-speaking.] Then comments how she hasn't been having a good week either but hasn't been "blabbing" about it to me.

This pisses me off because she's yet again holding back from opening up, thus unintentionally sending the message that one shouldn't always talk about what's going on, and trivialising my mental health... again.

As if it weren't enough that in talking about having a negative day she didn't really engage or respond to anything I said much. -______-

 

I swear to God I never had a guy ask me way too many questions before and he has only known me for about a week. Like settle down and relax you have time to get to know me. Jeez!!!!!!

 

Yeah, can I tell you how much I hate it when people (for some reason, usually women) do that? They're usually the first people to tell you to "open up" but when you do, they go on a martyr kick "oh, look at me. I kept my shit to myself. I've been in the hole too so therefore you shouldn't say anything because I haven't either".

My boyfriend's mom does this all the time and it drives me nuts. Ugh. I mean, I don't know if everyone who does that means anything bad by it and maybe they're just really on edge because they've had a bad day.

Sorry your day's rough bro. I've been there.

--

Like for example... panic attacks. I've been having them off and on last few months. But today, man, they've been bad. I guess it doesn't help that I don't have a therapist (yet, but once I can it's the first thing I'm looking into) or a prescription (again, looking into).

Deadlines, plus boyfriend going off on me for not doing the lawn...even though he didn't ask me to help and he knew I had to work.

--

There is some good news today though. My brother won a pretty big (we're talking twice what I make in a year) cash prize at a convention down in San Diego. With as much bad luck as the family's had lately, he needs it as much as anyone. Plus, he's had a pretty rough time financially so hopefully this cash helps him take care of debt and finally get himself a better car.

I admit I'm a little jealous but, you know, he earned it for his sales record with the company he's with. So good on him. Just hope he puts some of that cash into savings.