What Are You Thinking?

This is how I feel when I have a lot on my plate, and I don't want to deal with it all right now.

[YOUTUBE]E-QTWo7e9Hs[/YOUTUBE]

 

I shouldn't do this to her but were not even dating. i feel like im cheating on her. Oh god....Great....Now, i'm doing what scarlett did to me. GOOD GOING MERIS.

 

:dead:

 

Interesting. My slight sense of purpose from last night is still present.

 

I'm so bored I might start doing something productive.

 

I'm happy it's Friday, I have no plans this weekend, and that's ok. Time for some serious me time. Face and hair masks, nailpolish and a sunbed - here I come baby!

 

Got zero sleep last night ... and I'm not a fan of people today..

 

For now I'm blank, my mind is on my current concept art (which I will be uploading here), it's very much a WIP. I wish I was a real artist, then the crap could come naturally to me.

I didn't get paid last night, I hate my boss, and he's acting like he wont fully hire me, even though I can handle the deep friers now. I'd quit but he both feeds/shelters me, and that's a debt I'd not be able to afford otherwise. I feel like a slave, I want freedom. I want the job but if he's not going to give it to me, then why the fuck am I busting my ass 7 days a week, at 10-12 hours each day? I go through life doing things well for others, but do they care? No. Do they appreciate it? No. The world doesn't want me, I know, but what's up with the constant mistreatment? What did I do so bad that my life must be consistent shit, even on a good day.

I'm also thinking about the fact I'm totally obssessed with "On The Floor" By J-Lo Ft. Pitbull. The song wont go away, it's haunting me. Even dreamed about it last night. ;_;

What else am I thinking.....

I'm thinking how irritated I am to log in here to find my goddamn forum games are still around. I left a very visible message on all of them that I wanted them deleted. Either the mods don't give a flying fuck, saw it but were otherwise 'busy', or are playing it neutral. This is the main issue of being a member on web forums, no fucking power tools. Now, when I make my own website, if I no longer want something to be on it, I can just erase it clean and clear, versus relying on people who're very busy. Speaking of busy, here's something that really grinds my gears.

Why is it that on most web forums:
1. They never seem to have enough staff.
2. There's not usually any dedicated night owl staff.
3. They always seem to be so 'busy' with their personal lives, forcing users to play the sit and wait game.
4. Going on #3, if these people have such busy lives, why are they even candidates to be staff in the first place? If I was a forum head, my staff would be composed of people who have relatively un-busy lives, plus I'd have some night owls to cover the forum overnight. Forums, essentially, need to adopt shifts like normal jobs do. 1st, 2nd, and
3rd shifts.

Other than that, I guess staff on forums are decent. Well, then there are those who're complete dicks and abuse their powers, one of the reasons I look negatively at forum staff on any site before I even tell em "Hello, my name is...".

I'm thinking why do people always say how God is busy. Um, hello, he's God, he can be every doing anything at anytime, he's not defined by our laws of physics and other such science laws. True enough, the prayers from Earth (and possibly other planets out there if we're not the only life forms) are bombarding him like a vicious dual-broadside 24/7, but I still don't see where he'd be all that busy. The universe can for the most part run itself, however with those blackholes that roam around, I'd imagine that's a headache to keep them from swallowing up too much or the wrong things. Like Earth for example, and our entire star system to boot.

I'm thinking that it's been exactly four days since I've been feeling suicidal or wanting to commit it, so I guess that's a good thing. Sadly the suicide help forum I used to be on treated me like shit, so now I've no one to turn to for that part of my life. I'll just go it alone and confide in God only regarding it.

I'm thinking I need at least one IRL friend/boyfriend. Or a dog, whichever comes first. Then again I had a puppy, and then something really bad happened, and ever since then, I've felt the idea of owning another dog is very taboo, so.....well as they said in that Black Keyes song "I'm a lonely boy......I'm a lonely boy." ;__;

I'm in the wrong state and city to be black, gay, and a furry on top of everything. So one of my co-workers said she'll discreetly help me find a man, as she's the one who said I needed one. She hasn't a clue just how badly I want one, but here's the problem. I don't think I'm boyfriend material, and seeing as how I never had one before, and only 3 guys total have ever had a remote interest in me in these 21 years of my life, I just don't see it. Then there's my extreme pickiness, plus my age restriction. If a person is more than 2 years my senior, I'd rather have nothing to do with them. It's going back to the tradition of 'growing old together'. I mean, how can you do that if they're lightyears ahead of your own age? Granted age means nothing in the fact any one of you could die at any moment, so that logic nearly voids my own restrictions.

I really want a cute twink boi, whose slim but more close to an average build, like around 130-140 lbs., and I don't know if I want him to be fem or not. See with my foot fetish, I've noticed that fem bois tend to take extremely great care of there pretty peds, and can really rock some nail polish nicely, versus a non-fem whose feet might look fugly or just plain but....I dunno I like a guy to have a bit of fem in his looks, especially his feet, like that hint of sweet, soft, innocence.

Yeah I'm too picky and for that I'll probably die alone. So, smoking.....well I've gone three days without Newports, but I do smoke atleast one Black & Mild like every....two-three days. It's to help me quit altogether, I'm smart enough to know a person must ease out of addictions/habits, quitting cold turkey can do more harm than good.

Yes, all this is in my mind right now and plenty more to boot, but I shall spare the masses my endless banter. Ya'll be fab now, ya hear?

 

About 10 am and I'm already bored...good start to the day.

 

I'll see your 10am boredom and raise you a permanent 24/7 boredom.

 

First off, we don't simply delete threads on request if there isn't a good reason to, because it raises the question quite often of "where did that thread mysteriously disappear to?", which is not a fun one to answer when taking privacy into account. We also encourage members to report posts they'd like modified in any way, as there are only so many staff and we can only watch so many threads, and that guarantees it gets brought to our attention.

We are busy with our personal lives because helping out on this forum is a volunteer position. Despite being a formal nonprofit organization, all of the board members are also volunteers and dedicate quite a lot of their lives to keeping this site afloat. The goodness of people's hearts towards other LGBT people doesn't pay the bills, you know. We are also currently in the process of bringing on more staff.

I think you're missing a really important point here: being a member of these forums (or forums in general, to be honest) is a privilege, not a right. The staff are not obligated to do anything for anyone, nor are we expected to work at the beck and call of users. We do what needs to be done to keep the forums running to the best of our abilities. The benefit of having a great community for these forums is that there aren't often any major issues that arise, leaving the forum atmosphere relatively self-sufficient (compared to other horrible forums I've been a part of that required bans left-right-center).

 

This 7 Up stuff tastes like a cheap rip-off of Sprite. I don't like either beverages

 

I need a nap. :sleep:

 

1. Given the fact us members can't just delete our own threads, why does there need to be a legitimate reason for wanting them nixed? I mean it'd be different if I were pointing at other people's Threads and saying "delete those", but no I'm asking for mine to be deleted, and it's mainly to keep peace on the whole forum, but if staff want to only do things if there's a 'good reason', then it'll just make a mess of the area. I look at it like this: if a member has certain (and limited) powers, they can be completely self-effecient and not have to rely on staff for this or that and other. I believe in self efficiency, I was never one who liked to work with others or have to rely on others.

2. Yes I covered this issue in my banter, and it's an issue not only here but on many forums the web over. How is it that it's almost always a 10:1 or 10:2 ratio of members to staff? That, to me, makes no sense at all.

3. Well that's nice to hear, (and I'll not add my own comment on that note).

4. If it's a privelege, then explain to me how so many people are on these forums?

5. You're not obligated? If that's the case, should I just do whatever I please and then you'd not be obligated to police my activities? Well, I guess I wont be bothering staff about anything anymore in the future, I'll just handle what I can on my own, thank you very much.

 

We prevent users from deleting/editing (after a short period) their own threads/posts/blogs/etc. to avoid circumvention of the offsite contact rule. This was enforced because there were members in the past who would post info (ex. their phone number) to a specific other member, then delete it before the staff would notice, which defeats the whole point of keeping the site secure. It is unfortunate and quite restrictive (and I also disliked it when I was a member), but I now see that there is a large need for it to be in place.

Regarding privilege vs. right, my point is that a forum is not something we're obligated to give people access to. It's run out of the kindness of people's hearts - the community here thrives on people wanting to help other people, and the staff volunteer their time because they want to give back to a community that helped them when they're struggling. These forums in general do not run off of the idea of entitlement of any sort - they run on solidarity (which is quite the opposite in fact).

 

Right now I'm thinking people IRL need to stop looking at/staring at me. Like seriously, what's up with that?

 

I have utterly no desire to go food shopping with mom, and the only reason I'm going is because I need to get my license renewed.

 

What's so bad about food shopping? It's food, we eat don't we? You could get something to eat, yes?

 

Am I putting it off too much? Am I doing it too late? I found myself wanting to tell my folks like it was bursting out of me and I couldn't help but let it out. But I alrdy have a set date of Aug 24. What if that's too far off in the future? That's the only date, that I felt, it could be safe though.

 

Because it involves me wandering around for about two hours utterly bored out of my mind while having to listen to screaming brats because their parents don't have enough common sense to make their children mind. There's really no point in me going, given that I've already put what I want on the list.