What Are You Thinking?

Damn it...crying over a girl who was never mine in the first place. WTF is wrong with me??? I knew nothing would ever happen. I still know that. So...what the hell gives? I can't sleep because I can't stop crying. Damn.

 

AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I'm so behind! Teach my lazy ass to mope around now, won't it.

In other news, my stalker is now discussing going on vacation with me. :eek:

 

Why is winter still happening? It is a annual period full of darkness and viral mayhem. It forces me to sit back and leave half of my closet to fend for itself. Everything but my thermals and hoodies are being neglected. >_>

Meanwhile, I'm procrastinating.......shocker.... I need to just get all of this done quickly, so I can go to sleep earlier, and get through the last day of the week. But I'm not even excited about the weekend because its not like I actually get a break. I have to prepare for exams, outside of my regular class exams. I really just hope I do well. It would make life so much easier from here on out.

 

I was driven to the brink of insanity today by all of the coughing and wheezing by my fellow employees. Given the fact that there's a flu epidemic in Wisconsin right now, I wasn't really surprised, but I'm scared of falling ill while having to prepare for an interview (my flu shot last fall notwithstanding), so all their coughing made me jittery and even less able to concentrate on the job than I usually am.

 

I'm thinking of heating up a big juicy thick hot dog and eating it with ketchup and mustard.

 

I hate coming out to people.

 

I worked a 9 hour shift tonight because someone called in sick. And I really don't want to open tomorrow at 8:00 A.M. -_-

 

January 19th can't come soon enough.

I am craving NHL hockey.

 

Maaan! I was actually keeping track of the posts just to snag this one!


As for me, I'm just glad the first week of classes are done. For some reason some professors get stupid the first day. Fucking teach and don't waste my time! I have the syllabus and I'm pretty sure everyone should be able to read by now...

My professor in Personality Theory even explained in detail what APA format was and how to get into Purdue OWL to get more information! And my Stat methods in psych wasted one hour and half having us introduce ourselves, our major and our stories! Maybe I'm just cranky, but damn that's a waste of an hour! -_-

 

I saw my old crush for the first time in a long time tonight. It's pretty ridiculous how much power he still has over me. I thought I was doing really well at re-focusing my attention, but I snapped right back as soon as he walked in. It felt so good to still be able to hold his attention and make him laugh. Whenever he was talking to someone else, it took a lot of self-restraint not to just stare at him and think about how beautiful he is. I'm really glad his boyfriend wasn't there. His thigh casually brushed up against mine several times, and I enjoyed it way too much. Given that there was plenty of space at the table, I half-believed that he was actually trying to torture me.

A whole bunch of feelings came welling back up. Body image thoughts came flaring up for the first time in a while. I felt down the whole night because I was worrying about whether he had noticed all the weight I had gained. I feel silly when I worry about this because (a) I needed to gain the weight because of fucking anorexia and (b) it's really not all that noticeable except that my face is more fleshed out than it was. I've also really missed the feeling of being wanted. I think nearly everyone who meets me thinks I'm some kind of asexual saint for some reason, and he was the only person in a long time who looked at me another way.

Being upset about all these things in turn makes me feel like a self-absorbed child who needs to grow up and get a reality check.

 

I think it's too late to even hope for it. Now I won't be able to face those people.

 

why can't computers just work? -_-

 

Because of some unknown miracle school was cancelled today. =o

almost had to go into work right away instead ;-; then at the last second Boss-chan said he had enough guys already so I'm free. unexpected 3 day weekend WOOOOOOOOOOO~

 

Why is it that whenever I express interest in a guy, everyone automatically assumes that he's Asian? >_>

 

I wasn't expecting to see that when I went to comment.



And I'm just trying to find the motivation to get something done today, but the internet is addicting. x.x

 

Thinking about applying to these.

The Top 10 Trans-Friendly Colleges and Universities | Advocate.com

 

My Mysterio costume is coming along great!!!!

 

Well, my 15 minute break is over. >_>

 

I met with the professor overseeing my internship today and had a nice chat with him about how I've been and what I'm doing and stuff, and more importantly, my job now. And I was also there to petition him to send some more students to intern under my mentor. My professor said he'd already tapped a student to take my spot once I leave. So it's all really happening now. And my professor was like..."I'm so proud of you, I really am and I'm so happy. You're my success story." He's been my favorite professor since I was a freshman. Anyway, I left my professor's office and I went to my Policing class.

So an hour later I'm sitting in class and a friend I haven't talked to in a while texts me and she's like.."Did you just get a job??" I'm like, "Yeah, how did you know?" Because I didn't tell her about it. And she's like... "(My internship Professor's name) is in here bragging about you to the class."

He actually asked me if I'd be interested in coming back next semester to do a guest-speakership about my experience and stuff for his Probation/Parole class. I told him I would, of course. This is so crazy though. ^_^

 

I just got my letter saying that I was officially on the Dean's list for fall semester!!!