What Are You Thinking?

I ended up calling a suicide hotline last night. I was only feeling a little suicidal, but it was nice to talk to someone in real time.

 

First night at home finally felt like heaven. I guess all the lost pounds will be going back in a few weeks,,,

 

One of my best friends brought a friend of his to town for the music festival. I think I started crushing on him after talking with him for 15 minutes. Shit. I normally have no problem with crushing on straight guys. As we were talking last night just before we went to sleep, I loved just being a guy with the other guys, but my orientation was totally ruining the vibe for me since I was trying not to look at him when he was changing.

In other news, I saw Florence + the Machine, and I get the appeal now. And I feel like a badass after I stood up to this one group of drunk guys trying to push their way in front of us for the Black Keys. It might have been the large crowds putting me on edge, but I had no problem telling off/standing my ground to these three drunk guys that were easily 50 pounds heavier than me and several inches taller. They actually respected my ground and offered me a joint later as a peace offering (which I refused BTW).

 

Last night my friends and I had another field party, the theme this time was Oktoberfest, but it was being thrown for Love and a friend's sister's birthdays, since they're both next week. So, Love and a friend made 13 gallons of Apple Pie. And it was all gone by the end of the night. And I woke up this morning and I was like, "Holy shit..." Literally the worst hangover I've ever had, but that pie was like a hug from the inside. The best ever.

 

That eri is so awesome to talk to! ^.^

 

I hope it helped! You are free to talk to these hotlines if you don't feel suicidal at all, and they'll always be happy to talk with you.

 

I really hate it when people say that depression is a choice and that people should choose not to be sad. Don't you think if it was really that easy, that those of us who have depression problems would make that choice?

 

So even though I've got Great Expectations on hold with the local library, waiting for it to come in, I caved in and went to buy another book today, The Pickwick Papers [for some reason, I'm really in a Dickens mood right now.]

On a related note, for some reason, having gotten this book, it reminds me that if I someday do have a child or children to raise, I'd like to make a habit of spending evenings as a family reading to them or having them read aloud. [Not just while they're young, but even as they get older, so as to include parts of novels, short stories, poetry, etc.] (Ugh.) I'm so weird and out-of-step...

 

The internet here at home is very slow, all of a sudden..

 

There's a fly in the room. I should have gotten that Venus flytrap yesterday at the supermarket...

 

I had a venus flytrap on my windowsill. And he ate all ze flies zat came in my rom. Please don't tread on my cheeseburger. He's my only friend in the whole wide world.

 

So I have all four of my midterms next week as well as a chemistry problem session. No free time for me.

 

I feel so stupid. I signed up for this art workshop, and was so sure that it was today, but guess what? It's tomorrow. Something similar happened to me a few months ago: my friends invited me to go see the Avengers movie, and I thought they planned for us to see it together on a Saturday when in fact they planned for Sunday, so I ended up seeing it alone.

So after I got thoroughly humiliated at the library by being told that the event was always going to be on Sunday, I went to the nearby pet supply shop and pet the cats there. Now, I'm constantly on the verge of sneezing due to my cat allergy, not to mention sad that I still can't own a cat.

And to top all that off, it has been raining all day today and will for the rest of the day. What a miserable Saturday it's going to be.

 

There is a legend in both Chinese and Japanese lore that the gods have bound every human with another human with an invisible red string of fate. The legend goes that these two people will always be connected by the red string, despite the many kinks and knots it may get in it, and that in the end, these two will meet, and their souls will be forever connected...by that red string of fate.

Logically, to me at least, this is rubbish.

The hopelessly romantic side of me, however....it just makes me want to cry for hours.

 

Writing an English essay while sick is not the world's best idea. This essay is going to need some heavy editing when I feel better.

 

Hanging out with friends seems like such a simple thing that other people do all the time. Why, then, does it never work out for me? Every time I schedule something, the other person cancels. I try to protect myself by not looking forward to it, to act as though they've already canceled. But I never succeed, and it hurts so much when they can't make it. I usually give up after a couple attempts with any given person; however, the same thing happens with everyone I try.

Is having a friend really so much to ask?

 

For God so loved the world he gave us beer.

 

Headache, headache, go away.. Come again some never again..

And in heaven, there is no beer. That's why we drink it here. And when we're gone from here, well, our friends will be drinking all the beer

 

I had the worst hangover last morning ;___; I've still got a bit of a headache and it's almost 1AM... Never again. Again.