What Are You Thinking?

Goodness I hate editing and formatting the monthly newsletter, even if I did volunteer for it! Is a 14-year-old girl really the only person in a church of a hundred who is capable of not smashing the computer screen when using MS Word?

 

awesomeness lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I know this is weird but I feel good because I exercised outside and I'm sweating for the first time in a while. I love it because the sun is out and I really enjoy exercising (if it's outside doing something I enjoy). I exercise throughout the winter but it's too cold to sweat or feel like I'm actually getting a good workout. The weather is really weird lately. But I love the sun. I can't wait to start playing ultimate frisby again.

 

I started taking a water aerobics course. It's held at a middle school (ages 12-15) near my place. Yesterday, the place had "open use", so I decided to go and practice some of the techniques I'd been learning. I went to the middle school, and went to the place where I was supposed to check in, but nobody was there. So I thought "Screw it", and just went down to the locker room to change. It was halfway through changing that a thought occurred to me.

"I just snuck into a middle school and took all my clothes off."

It sounds really creepy when you phrase it like that.

Lex

 

So... This was a frustrating day.

 

I hate when you are trying to get better, and then you spend all night in bed unable to sleep.

 

my brother is one nasty selfish motherfucker. he dropped most of the strawberries on the kitchen floor and put it back in the container talking about "just wash them off". that's funny to me because for one, the floor is dirty as hell where people's sneakers have walked all over it coming from different floors the nursing home to the port authority bus terminal bathroom(which is full of piss, spit, feces and who knows what else) to the gym bathroom to the sidewalk. two, he isn't even going to eat it. it's my mom and me that eat the strawberries. like this dude is one selfish person. i don't think any amount of washing is going to make me put that in my mouth. funny how he had the nerve to act like he was doing me a favor when i asked him to drop me off at penn station yet he wanted me to buy 4 1 bus zone tickets. you pretty much held me up from catching my bus on time to do something for you. a favor for a favor. nothing in life is for free, at least dealing with you. i feel like smacking dude upside the head sometimes.

 

Oh dear.

I have just discovered that the term for sex before marriage is not "pre-martial sex" but "pre-marital sex". "Martial" means combat and such, as in martial arts. Guess which I've been using for months... :eusa_doh:

 

I am so hungry. I'm surviving on a sausage and cheese English muffin sandwich and 2 small-sized hash rounds. I need some fooooooooooooooooooooooood.

 

I've been having the jitters ever since reading all the anecdotes about people who failed one or more sections of the CPA exam despite being confident of passing each time, and the fact that my dad keeps on asking me if I had received my score on the latest section (which won't be released until next week) is driving me crazy. Being jittery hurts my ability to concentrate on studying, and makes me procrastinate more.

The dreary weather today is not helping my mood.

 

My mother always has to remember just one more thing that she forgot to ask me or tell me whenever I walk through the room she's in or if I look like I'm ready to leave. Most of the time, she technically doesn't even need to confirm what she's asking because the answer's obvious or we've already discussed it before. It doesn't matter if I'm busy or even if I'm trying to look busy--she just goes ahead anyway. Sometimes she thinks I'm still hanging around even after she stopped talking for about ten seconds and I thought she was done, so when I hear her voice again I have to run back to see what she wants. She tends to talk over me, too, even if I have something I want to say.

 

Why are people so stupid!? It's annoying!

 

Today was a day from hell...orgo lab, I hate you with a passion...:dry:

 

well..... it seems like as the days go deeper into the year, the inevitable seems imminent. how much longer before i come out the closet to my loved ones? i can feel the closet door opening and i'm scared as shit. :tears: when i was working out at the gym with my brother and my homeboy, my homeboy said something that really made me go :eek: and left me dumbfounded. "i think you're gay because you look at the guys in the gym and don't pay attention to the girls". i was thinking to myself like "holy shit, he knows". i gave him the "are you serious?" look and he then said "i'm only kidding". the funny thing is some weeks ago, maybe a week ago he asked me if i liked girls while we had a discussion on dating.

 

I seriously feel like I've been beaten with a sack of bricks. My Criminal Profiling class is profiling the Jon-Benet Ramsey case since it's unsolved and all the police records are public now. All of our research papers are going to end up being 40+ pages long in APA format. I've been looking at crime statistics and formatting it all day and my brain hurts.

And I totally missed out on an epic afternoon at the office today because I had to take a quiz instead for my CJ Management lecture, and I didn't even do that good on it. I wanted to watch a heroin party get busted. QQ

 

Hmm. Who would have thought that eating would help maintain and possibly lose weight...
In other news...I passed my chemistry final! And got a C- for a final grade!! Its low but I passed!!!

And omg I get to be fat tomorrow!! VEGGIE BURGERS WITH THE BESTIE!!! HOLLA!!

 

All I have ever wanted was to work with video games. and as I go farther and farther into my degree i keep asking myself "is it worth it"
by this point I have lost all energy and passion for gaming. Maybe its school sucking it out of me. Maybe I went to the wrong school to begin with. Maybe I should have gone to a campus instead of doing it online.
I feel like such an idiot. I feel like Im not smart enough to do this, and I should just quit now. I have 5-ish terms till im done. Im supposed to graduate next January. But as of this moment, I just dont care. 3Ds Max, UDK, Maya, Photoshop, and zBrush can all go die for all I care.

Maybe Im just not as good at this as I thought I was going to be. Maybe I was just wasting my time doing this. figures.

 

I wanna start kickboxing!

 

I was all happy yesterday that I finally got more than 5 hours of sleep (about 10 actually) - but what do I follow it up with? Why, a night with no sleep of course! I mean, it's not like I actually had a chance of getting better, right? Ugh :dry: