Trans Clothes Shopping Tips

I dunno, I've been bothered a bit, both by younger dudes and sexist old dudes. The sexist old dude in particular was off-putting - I heard him loudly talking with a woman that worked there about whether or not that was the men's section over there, pointing rather dramatically at me and giving me the death glare. I just smirked at him and made sure he saw me try on some blazers.

 

I've found the Ruff Hewn line from Bon-Ton stores to fit rather nicely. Now I'm a pretty dress-down gal, so my shopping experience is limited to ladies jeans and tees, but medium tees fit fabulously! And as for jeans, I'm a 5-7, brand depending.

Here's what absolutely floored me, though. The tees I mentioned are curvy along the side seams, and they fit perfectly through the area under my arms. Same with the jeans; as long as I'm tucked, they fit perfectly in the butt and hips! My partner actually said I'm more curvy than she is (I highly disagree, but it was flattering!). Guess my body is more androgynous than I'd thought! Yay!!

---------- Post added 2nd Apr 2014 at 11:50 PM ----------

I find more and more that there are women that want to talk to me (to my surprise). Men seem to take more distance unless they know me (to be expected). Of course, I'm always more at ease with females anyway so is of no bother. Yeah I, too, get eyed when I'm shopping in the ladies dept. But, the more I go out in my girly wear, the more I, quite frankly, don't give a $hit! My partner accepts me and that's all that matters!(!)

 

Seemed easier to clothes shop while presenting as female, likely because women do wear men's clothes or they're shopping for a boyfriend or whatever. I've actually had more folks give me trouble for shopping in the men's department even after I came out/started presenting as male, not so much the boy's department, though. Likely because I look perpetually twelve years old.

I wish I had that sort of confidence. :lol: Am pretty thin skinned, unfortunately. The last time anyone said anything to me in the men's section ('Is that a dyke shopping here'), made me feel bad for the rest of the night. :icon_sad:

 

Pff, forget thick skin, develop some arrogance. When I was a teen, I use to get super shy and awkward while shopping and I was really bothered by rude sales clerks and other customers. Then I realized the following: I am here to pay for a service. If they cannot provide me with the service I want, I can take myself and my wallet elsewhere. If other customers have a problem with it, they can leave. I am staying. A lot of guys actually like it if you give them a thumb's up on something they try on, though. They assume you're somehow queer and media has told them that queer people are all fashion and interior design experts. (in my case, kinda true).

But seriously. It is a business transaction and they are there to cater to YOU not the other way around. I have walked out of shoe stores, department stores, and even a Versace store like I friggin' owned the place when people treated me unfairly. Screw 'em. Plenty of other people want your money enough to behave professionally to get it. I miss American Eagle in my old town; I didn't even tell the manager I was trans* and I don't pass but he used the correct pronouns and went happy crazy when I revamped my wardrobe after losing weight (admittedly, he was a very flamboyant gay man).

Bottom line: walk in like you are royalty. People can smell both fear and confidence a mile away and typically respond accordingly.

 

I did have one incident where I walked into men's dressing room (first time I'd ever bought men's clothing too) and some guy was already in there. Got on fine but once he realized he was in the same room as a 'woman', you should've seen the poor guy double take.

This actually happened to me pretty often. Because even when I have to present female, I still act pretty masculine (just comes natural). I gave some guy the nod. He went along his way, turned back, double taked when he saw me, then walked away.

You gotta act like you belong there. Confidence is not only the key to passing but shopping as well. Hell, it can be nervewracking when you step into the men's/women's section for the first time, but it's just clothes. You're hear to pay for a service.

That being said, I've used the 'i'm shopping for my boyfriend' trick before. Used it the other day. I was looking for a scarf. I'd ask clerks about it and they'd lead me up to isles of feminine foofoo scarves. I'd ask where the men's were. Then "oh it's for my boyfriend. I'm buying him a scarf."

...of course, no retailer in town fucking sells men's scarves. Moral of story, my town isn't great for metrosexuals.

 

Believe me, it isn't confidence; sometimes I just get to this point where I'm so agitated and angry that I stop giving a shit for long enough to do something ballsier than normal for me. That event contrasts with this one time when I was shopping for some pants, and a group of younger guys started hurling comments my way. The most I could do that day was wear my resting face and slip away to look at something else. I didn't manage to buy pants, either. :icon_sad:

 

:3 scarves, you say... :3 *scarf-o-holic dive-bomb*

So, if you're wearing otherwise masculine things, don't be afraid to rock a lady scarf. The girls get waaay more patterns and colors than us so, I commonly pilfer the women's scarf racks. If you need something masculine or neutral, try just a solid or patchy scarf in a thicker fabric. Target has great scarves. Ordering men's scarves online, I recommend H&M, Banana Republic, and Macy's. All of them carry large-ish selections. I use to be of the mindset with scarves of: "what would Benedict Cumberbatch do?" Haha! Now, I just create my own style. Maybe not the best idea for passing but again, I think it's a confidence thing. If you like it, wear it and screw convention!
*scarf power!!*

 

But they're like glorified hankies though... I like 'em thick. My scarves gotta have a backbone.

 

No, ok, there are 4 main scarf cuts: infinity, elongated rectangle, short (ascot-like), and shawl. Textures are: gauze-like, silken, thick silk/ pashmina/ cashmere, thick cotton/ fleece, wool, and knit. Avoid them if they're shear or have overlapping ridges, avoid the ascot kind. Knit looks like prep school. Fleece... meh. But many (even in women's are mid-range in thickness). If you want something thicker but like it, try doubling it Sherlock style. Shawls are actually great bc they automatically have more bulk when worn as a scarf. How you wear it also matters. But remember that you can create the illusion of bulk without actual bulk (which gets constricting and sweaty - trust me).

Oh, and World Market has some great, cheap, thicker infinity scarves in solids (almost bought one today).

 

Ah, well. I've certainly gotten better about shopping and not caring all too much, especially since I've been wearing more feminine clothing as of late and certainly don't feel anxious about shopping over in the women's department (although my girlfriend is usually with me, so I can have the 'boyfriend tagging along' excuse).

I could (and have) rock flamboyant coloured shirts and jeans all damn day, and be arrogant about it, just not when it comes to picking out those bright coloured clothes (or really, any clothing). >___> Just feels a little more nerve-wracking when it comes to the men's department but again, shouldn't really matter that much.

 

Can you articulate why it feels more stressful in the men's department? Are you afraid of being confronted?

 

I think it's that, due to being afraid of not passing or given suspicious looks (leading to insults). It used to be a much more prominent problem in the beginning, where I'd feel anxious about going over and picking out clothes if other men were nearby, but now I just take my time, even if slightly self-conscious. It's just clothes.. really shouldn't be that big of a deal, but my mind can't seem to grasp that concept and rather flips out about everything.

 

It sounds like it will just take time. But it's rare that people will say anything, especially men. If they did say something, you could always say that you have a hormone condition (kinda true-ish!) That would shut most people up.

 

This thread is great but I'm in the UK. Any UK transmen got any tips for shopping over here when it comes to small sizes?

---------- Post added 3rd Apr 2014 at 01:53 PM ----------

I feel like such a midget. I'm 5ft 3 and now lost a few pounds so I'm under 8 stone and like a 27" waist and women's size 5 in shoes :'-(

 

Funny, I've never been bothered by anyone when I buy clothing in the men's section... Granted, I don't usually buy much (Hanes tank tops, socks, stuff like that), and it's usually at Wal-Mart, but no one ever even looks at me... Is it because I'm obviously female, maybe?

Edit: I realize this has already been discussed in the thread, and my positive experience is probably simply due to the fact that there is no ambiguity about my gender when people look at me.

 

Anonym - there is a UK site called transfemmebutch.co.uk or something like that. I was a member from inception and of it's precursory site for about 7 years. I only left bc of a particular woman continuously attacking me in forums but it is a good site. The admin was a friend of mine for years. They have clothing threads on there that are very UK-specific so, if you don't get answers here, I'd recommend that site.

 

If that was just within the last month or so, your problem was more of for men, typically a scarf isn't a fashion accessory, it's a tool to keep warm in the winter, and, although the weather outside might say differently, it's not winter anymore. I couldn't even find a fresh pair of ski gloves anywhere close to my size in EITHER Mens or Womens varieties when I was looking before a late season ski trip 6 weeks ago. All that was left was gigantic or tiny.

 

Seems to be a lot more places to get larger sized shoes though.
In the UK, I'm struggling to find places that stock anything higher than a size 7-8. :/
Not impossible though.