So... I think my brother's gay too...

If you are talking about any kind of abuse or trauma that a person suffers in their whole entire childhood, then I'm sure you would have a hard time finding many gay people who don't have something that would fit that.

Of course, I'm pretty sure you would have a hard time finding anyone, regardless of sexuality, who did not have some experience in childhood that could qualify as traumatic or abusive.

There is no evidence that abuse of any kind, or trauma of any kind, causes homosexuality.

 

I think I might kinda get what you mean. I have always kind of looked down on my little brother. I'm not sure why, other than the fact that we are incredibly different and he comes off as annoyingly immature to me. But I think part of my issue with him has been that I have always sensed something .... queer about him. Nothing tangible or very obvious but I just sensed something different about him that I didn't like. I took care of him a lot until he was 6 or so and I think that is about the time that I got slight vibes. He is a stereotypical BOY in every way but IDK... I just knew something was different.

Excuse me if I am assuming the wrong thing about you but could it be that your negative/competitive feelings for your brother are somewhat related to the fact that you believe he is gay? What I mean is in my case, there's homophobia and anti-gay feelings personally that I fight with and the idea that my brother is gay too gives me (for lack of better words) negative feelings and so those sometimes are (unfairly) directed at him. I'm just curious if your situation is similar to mine in this way.

 

I might be in the same situation. I have a younger brother who is kind of like me in a lot of ways and certain things make me think he might be gay. (Like how he hasn't had a girfriend and he's going to be a senior in high school next year, inspite of the fact that hes very good looking). Honestly, if he was gay, I don't know what I would say to him, I would be supportive, but the idea of us talking about guys together or something seems completely awkward and off. Our sexuality would definitely be the deepest subject we've ever talked about together.

I don't really know how to come out to my brothers. I don't really want to for some reason. I already came out to my parents but for some reason I really dread telling my brothers. Were not especially close, like we've lived together all our lives but we don't really confide in each other. I feel like coming out to them will only distance our relationships. I feel like they have this image of me and telling them I'm gay can't really improve it much, even though I am sure they would be fairly accepting.

 

In my psychology class we actually learned that it is more likely for siblings to be gay. Like if one from a set of identical twins then the chance is approx. 52% for the other to also be gay. Fraternal twins - approx 22%. Regular siblings is in the low 20s upper 10s i believe.
A personal reference is that there is a fair chance that my brother is gay, I don't know for sure but I would not be surprised at all if he was.

 

The usual basis for sibling rivalry is competing for parental attention. Do you feel like he is closer to your mother than you are? I got that impression from somewhere.

If you feel like his femininity contributes to him being closer to your mother, that could also be part of why it bothers you.

But obviously, as adults, your brother's relationship to your mother is independent from yours. If you want to be closer to your mother, that's actually about your relationship with her, and not about your brother at all. Even if your mother really does favor him, there isn't anything he could really do anything about--anger about it would rightly be directed at your mother, not at him. Would you have him be not as close to her? It wouldn't help you any.


He's your brother. You may not feel close to him right now, but in all probability he's going to be the longest standing relationship in your life by the end of it. You know each other better than you even realize, because you were together growing up and watched each other as your characters formed. My uncle (by marriage) recently lost his sister, and he couldn't believe how much it affected him, because he had thought they weren't close. They had had a little more contact recently, but really, he thought they weren't that close. But when she died, he remembered all kinds of stuff that he hadn't thought of in decades, and he really regretted not maintaining a better relationship with her.

Your brother may not be the brother you would have chosen. But at the end of your life, he will probably be the person who has known you for the most of it. It is a relationship that matters.

You keep saying you aren't close as if it were a matter beyond your control, but it's not. You can choose to be closer to your brother.

 

I understand where you are coming from with thinking that having a gay brother will cause a sort of competitive environment.

First of all, assuming he is gay, it seems that you two based on the short bits of description throughout this thread, would go for very different guys. I could be wrong, but a lot of things are said that manlier gays tend to like the less manly gays... and you said somewhere that your brother is much more feminine then you.

Mainly, I would come out to him as many have said here. I don't know how safe it is to assume anything, but if you are both gay and you both are open to each other about it, you will both be serious about the topic and work out the struggles that could come out of having two gay siblings. I don't think it would be too big of a deal in the first place, but that's how I see it all.