*Questioning-Woman Crush*

Exactly, FlyRider02, it just makes you feel guilty and wrong... Even if you're not doing anything bad! And the whole best-friend situation is so confusing that drives you mad because you don't even know what's going on inside your own mind. But as you said, maybe I should take advantage of the free days of class that I have and 'isolate' myself to think about me, myself, and how to make me happy, no one else. So thanks for the external point of view! ^,^

Either way, I think I'll leave the whole talking to her and telling her for another moment, a long moment XD If I'm not completely comfortable with myself, there's no way I' able to admit it, so I'll keep you updated

Silverhalo, yes, I've tried watching tv series, but most of all I've read books (I'm kind of a worm book, so I can't help but prefer them XD) and all leads me to the same thought "I wish I could be so brave/so happy/so insert-here-whatever-it-is-I-want-to-be". But in a way, they have helped me realize that maybe it's not so wrong, isn't it? Don't get me wrong because I know that can be misinterpreted, not wrong per se, but in the sense that for me, who've never considered it, could be the right "path".

Anyway, something new is that:
1/ A friend of us just came out today as bisexual and asking to go to (I don't know how they're called in the US or the UK) an "ambience pub" as they call them here (it's a pub for lesbians basically). And they've agreed to go (which is strange because some friends of mine, as lovely as they are, are a bit... Closed minded), so maybe that's a step in the right way.
2/After hearing that friend, my best-friend/possible crush told that she's had her share of flirts and one-night-experiences before with girls.

You can imagine the chaos that it's now, not just one of my friends, but THREE (another friend said that she was bisexual too) are interested in women, so... I wouldn't be "alone" and she's been with girls before! Not that it changes anything but, well...

PS: thanks to anyone who has read this long post and specially to FlyRider02 and silverhalo for their opinions

 

Well ladies! i'm pretty much in the same boat. I am straight, i have a son, always been head over heels over guys. But suddenly about 3 weeks ago I started getting closer to my lesbian friend. I have known her for over 4 years and just recently we got closer, her best friend just so happens to be one of my very good friends, she's a lesbian too. anyways, to make this story short, i have developed unexpected feelings for her. it's literally driving me crazy because i want to be with her ALLLLL the time. but when I really like her and express myself to her is when I'm drunk. She admitted she "had" a crush on me when she first met but quickly got over it because she knew I was straight and there was no way she would change that.. blah! But no night of partying and drinking, she got pretty crazy with me and would grind on me. I didnt make much of it since we always play around and talk shit. but her face started getting closer to mine and i kinda liked it... but i pushed back, laughed, and told her she was crazy. i told her the other day that i think i like her. she said that's normal and it will go away.. Whatever we carried on like normal. this past weekend i was supposed to hang with her after my plans, she wanted me to join her and our friend at some lesbian party. I said I would go but one of them would need to play as my gf cause I'm not into that. she said ok, our friend called me and told me not to bother because my crush was drunk and she wasnt going to last. so I didnt make she called and texted me asking why i didnt go, she missed her dancing partner, and she was sad about it. i told her that i think she has a secret crush on me and responded with "duhh!" not sure why but my heart kinda skipped a beat when that happened. anyways that following sunday she and her gf broke up and was really upset about it. she called me I met up with her a local bar and she didnt tell me it was lesbian party, but i went as soon as she saw me she hugged me so tight and for so long... it felt so good yet so wrong. because our mutual friend has no idea about this and i'm straight. so i said "okay thats it i'm here lol". started drinking and she was stuck to me. I didnt mind it. once the drinks started kicking in there I went getting super comfy with her, getting closer as we talked, and finding reasons to touch each other, not sexually. Monday comes she's still upset about the break up and I felt i needed to do something about it, I have sent this girl a bouquet of roses to her job! WTF!!! I have NEVER EVER done that for anyone. If anything I'm one getting them. She was really happy and texted me. I'm going nuts... Ahhhh!!! i'm just rambling on.... point is that this is new to me!!! i have never ever in all 31 yrs of my life experienced something like this. I have hung out with lesbians all the time, been hit on, and never have i felt anything for anyone of them. now here comes Kitty and i'm like crushing on her like never before... I was seeing a beautiful german man and I have lost complete interest in him... because she's all i wanna know about... when i dont hear from her i'm a little miserable.. i dont know whats going with me... i need help. i dont know if she's filling a void or what... I DONT KNOW! HELP!!!!

 

I'm new to this thread but... is it just me or aren't you already dating each other? If I was in your shoes, young and my whole life ahead of me, and there was somebody awesome who liked me as much as she does... I would just enjoy her company, in the moment, and let it lead me where-ever it goes. Even if she was a guy, it's possible you could end up hurting the guy. Or vice versa.

My point is, you are both young. Now is the time for you to explore your options, experience life, make mistakes, etc. Don't overthink it. Youth is the time for trying on different options for size. And yes, my point of view is driven a bit by regret over the missed opportunities of my youth. Honey, you have youth on your side. Live a little. Just kiss her and enjoy yourself.

 

Hi FlyRider02 I feel so stupid for not thinking about something before, but as anaisninja said, why not give it a chance? I mean, don't throw yourself right into a relationship but what about trying? I don't know, maybe you could give it a try and if it works, absolutely perfect, if not... Well, you've tried, will never be stuck with the "what if". Rereading this I don't know if I've explained myself good enough but what I'm trying to say is: sit with her, propose her start a relationship explaining clearly that you don' know if it's going to work but that you have no wish of hurting her if it doesn't. If she understands, then, go for it, date, try to get used to dating a girl, maybe you'll win more than you'd bargained for, and if it doesn't then you both would have tried ad it's no one's fault.

I don't know, it's just a suggestion hoping that it helps. Good luck and wish to hear good news soon! ^.^

 

It sounds like you are beginning to feel the heat of having gay flames excite you. It is natural at this point to feel guilty about being a lesbian. what would happen if you took it a step further and started to stroke and caress her body, would you still be able to look at your reflection in the mirror, is there any chance of your still feeling like yourself. Is there any way you may feel that being lesbian and gay is perfectly, normal, and natural if you find you enjoy being one. give into your pleasure you may regret it more if this is an experience you wanted but didn't have the nerve to go through with it.

 

Hey sorry I have been absent for a while. I know it sounds silly but it might help you to try and come to terms more with the fact it would be ok to be bisexual. Get up in the morning and tell yourself today I'm going to let myself be bisexual, you don't have to tell anyone or do any thing different just allow yourself to think a bout the girl or another girl and try not to feel guilty or bad. Stand in front of the mirror and say out loud to your self I am bisexual and that is ok. I know it sounds stupid but it can help, and if it turns out you decide your not then it won't matter.

 

Ahhh!! Well here's an update, she doesnt want to ruin our friendship and is not going to try anything with me, because she says she's been there before and it never ended well. so to avoid that its better we try to put this behind us and move forward... that was our talk earlier this week. she told me she has been talking to some girl and wants to see where its gonna go. I was completely heartbroken by it, I am literally crying about it all the time. LOL pathetic! She's just going about it as if nothing.. which i understand why, but man! it hurts just a little bit... last night we hung out with some friends after our big talk for happy hour, talk as if nothing happen our friends went to get some drinks and we some alone time, she grabbed my hand and asked me if i hated her and told her to stop being silly because i'm here hanging out now. whatever she ended up leaving and i began drinking more... alcohol and emotions are never a good thing.. i was hanging out with a good friend(her best friend also a lesbian) and OH man i have confessed everything balling in tears and all. sigh! i am a hot mess right now. I saw her today we go to bootcamp and its like nothing... this stuff isnt no jokeeeeee. My gay best friend told me to just treat this like a regular crush and move on from it.

 

Okay, FlyRider02, I completely agree with you, the words "boyfriend/girlfriend" make me cringe too XD It's like they have some kind of power that automatically makes you fear and run as fast as you can from them XDD My "solution"? To use alternative words, you can come to terms with the fact but avoid those horrific words.

Well, my update... I think that finally I have found the answer. So, as much as I may love her as my best friend, it's becoming clearer that there's nothing more between us. Or at least, that's what I think, even if it's not like that, it'd be the best thing because either way, it's a dead end

 

you should just stop questioning it, or analyzing it. Do what you want to do. Don't lie to yourself. Stop focusing on the fact that you're "straight". Sometimes we just fall in love with a person and their gender becomes meaningless. Also, stop focusing on not hurting her, because she obviously likes you and you two could have a really solid relationship.

 

What R999 said. +1.

 

Thanks love! Sigh. She's the one that doesn't want to ruin our friendship by hooking up. She's happy with what we have. She's the lesbian one while I'm the "straight"(not currently because of her) one. I care about her so much and honestly I don't even care about her gender I care about her heart and I love her for who is she not for her sex. And it kills me that I can't have! I should really stop being so pushy with her and appreciate the friendship we have and so be it. Timing sucksssss

 

Glad to hear from you again FlyRider02! ^.^ Hahaha if I didn't know, I'd say you're me! Honestly, I was thinking the same thing when I was trying to understand what was going on in my head. Finally I understood that I was growing too attached to her because she cares for me and I was scared of being alone while all my friends have boyfriends (sad story, always the third wheel -__-'') but then she goes and makes that super strange comments which don't help at all (and it still confuses me, I mean, how I'm supposed to react to things that seem to have a double meaning as if she was trying to flirt with me or send signals that she may 'love' me in a more than friendly way... Aish,this girl drives me crazy, I don't know how to react to anything she says or does and it terrifies me).

Either way, I hope that everything goes well. If you're still unsure an want to try, I'd go for the trying, I mean, friend-zoning it's a safe choice, there's nothing to lose but nothing to win (I'm not trying to push you into anything, just speaking from my point of view of what I think I'd have done in your situation). Anyways, it depends on both of you, if you're unsure maybe freezing things a bit and think is also a good idea and then if it still remains there, move forward a bit and try. I'll keep an eye here waiting to hear from you in case I can help ^.^

And for you, str8girl, wow, that's quite the problem you have there... Maybe she refuses because she's scared, if, as you said, she has gone through something like that before it's pretty common to be scared (for example, my first boyfriend cheated on me, I'm terrified of relationships with boys now, so I'd totally understand her...) BUT, you can always try to talk with her. I mean, sit, talk, expose her the situation clearly, get her to talk about why she refuses (maybe she's scared of a past situation or she's scared she'd lose a friend if it doesn't work... I don't know, I'm just making up plausible answers) and then maybe you both can work out a solution or a plan that helps...

 

hey first off thanks gurls for all this in depth discussion on girl crushes on best friends. I had started a few threads on that, but wasn't very fruitful. I have a crush on my best friend and next door neighbour. few days back i tried to ask her (very directly) whether she was bisexual by asking whether she'd go for girls. she said I was 'crazy' and denied that she was 'swinging both ways'. She was really adamant in denying it. I was crushed because I thought it seemed like she was into me.

I tried to pull away by taking time off to be by myself last weekend to sort out my thoughts. I have been so preoccupied with helping her in her school leadership campaign that I realised all my time is taken up by her and my time without her is spent thinking of her. I really hated this feeling of neediness and reliance on her. Plus she was said some hurtful comments when she was stressed up. So I thought I should stop all this mess with her.

She has this way of making me fall deeper into this love trap. when I was looking out of the window yesterday, she came from behind and squeezed my waist with both hands. I was quite taken aback cos that seemed like a prelude to a hug from the back, but she restrained herself. As usual, she was stressed up again and after lecture today in front of all our classmates she put her arms around my neck and snuggled into my chest when we were walking up the stairs. I know this sounds realllyyyy awkward and all but please bear with me. she is screwing with my head. she says she isnt bisexual but she snuggles into me and put her arm around my neck for the entire flight of stairs. again at dinner, she was putting her head on the table and i was swishing her hair about (in front of all her friends) and she was making cute grunting sounds. I dont know how to describe it but she 'acts cute' to me, as if i am her bf.

Just like Flyrider02, I keep having the urge to kiss her and hug her. I have touched her on the waist many times and it feels so warm and soft that it is so tempting.

 

It's a shame that you allow other peoples expectations to dictate how you live your lives, but I can understand.

When I came out I did so to my mum. I was so nervous I couldn't stop laughing, then I broke down in tears because I love my parents and didn't want to disappoint them. (My mum has never hidden her disgust when people of the same sex kiss on TV.) I told my mum and while my family wish I were straight they love me and want me to be happy.

By contrast my ex's family attacked her and tried to sabotage the relationship. As a result they lost their daughter. Years later they said they accepted her sexuality because they wanted her in their lives, but they never acknowledged our relationship and unfortunately they had betrayed our trust in the past so she lost her family because they were too selfish.

The fact of the matter is if you truly love someone you will accept them. It's a very sad existence when you miss out on love and happiness to please others. Sometimes you need to put yourself forward. xo

 

Okay, off topic but i need to say it: OMFG A SONE!!! I'd never thought I'd find one here!! I already like you An0n XDD

Back to the track, glad to help illusorylove As always, my opinion (MY, eh? Not saying that this is the right solution, what you need to do, etc etc etc. Just trying to help) is that if you think it's a lost cause and it's hurting you, forget her. I mean, my situation is very much the same, she's a girl but has a boyfriend so, no matter how confusing and endearing her gestures and comments are, hanging there it's not going to work a miracle, even worse, I'd just be giving myself more pain.

So, she's your best friend, alright, just try to de-attach those romantic feelings from the friendly ones (yes, I know, easier said than done but hey, I'm on there too, you're not alone in the nightmare XD).

As you, I also had that need of being with her 24/7 but these class-free days have been good to find myself, try to have time for yourself and to think, it works miracles! Just 'force' yourself to be away from her a few days and to rely on yourself, you're strong! ^.^

I don't know what more to say... I'm just speaking from experience trying to give you a few suggestions but well, every person's a world. Anyways, always here to try and help or just to read and comfort. Good luck! ^.^

 

Thank you very much! As a fellow fan you know great music crosses all boundaries. They are so talented, and stunning too!

Blossom is right though.

Back off and avoid contact - if she contacts you during that time then maybe she does reciprocate your feelings, if she doesn't then you know she doesn't view you in the same light.

To everyone suffering right now though, my thoughts are with you. (I was still in love with my first love for years after the relationship ended, all the while hoping we would be together again. It's different but I understand your pain.) xo