Ok I need to ask this! Gay men!

I'm pointing out the obvious here, but you do know that people have died from eating disorders, don't you? I feel like you are obviously an intelligent person because you have all this knowledge about how the way you have been raised has damaged you (not just saying that from this thread, from many others you have posted as well) but you don't seem to be using it to protect yourself and I think that is something you should work on. I had a similar upbringing, my mother was set on me doing two things - finding a "nice girl" and becoming an olympic athelete. I wanted to do neither, so that created so much psychological pain for me because whenever I showed even the slightest interest in either goal I would get her love and approval, if I stopped showing that it would be taken away. I tried out the olympic version of my sport, leaving all of my friends at my old club and she was oh so happy and showered me with love and praise, I was miserable there and it took real strength to withstand the force of her disapproval when I went back.

So back to you, what are you doing to use all of this knowledge about how you were raised to protect yourself from your mother's negative influence? You are being encouraged into disordered eating which could kill you, you've said quite a lot about how your mother values material possessions to an unhealthy degree and there are probably more that I have missed because I'm not all that regular here. I think you really need to listen to everyone here when they say that this is unhealthy, because I know that when you're young you are so wrapped up in what your parents say that it's hard to pick that apart and see that maybe some of it isn't the best thing for you. But you have some knowledge, and you have people here who want to help you, so please try and take their concern on board.

 

Are you referring to EC? Because I think (Or assume because I haven't been here long) that everyone here is accepted, regardless of their weight.

If you mean treated better in general, I don't think so. It all comes down to self-confidence and respect. If you don't have that, don't expect to be in a relationship anytime soon. I think your mother brainwashed you a bit there.

 

see but you have to realize weight is not black and white. you aren't either skin and bones or obese. There is a middle ground that is healthy.

 

Appearance in business? Keep yourself looking sharp, wear a nice suit, drive an expensive car, maintain a good reputation, whatever. My uncle is high up in the real estate business and he's quite healthy and is average looking for his age. Always bragging about his sales and how he spends his money! :dry:

Just be healthy, that's all that matters.

 

not really my friends kinnda chubby and i find him cute

 

I think that being skinny to the point of just skin & bone is dangerous your body needs muscle even fat to function properly the Models in magazines arnt skinny it`s more toned and defined body .

 

You know that if you don't eat carbs you literally start to lose your mind? And then, at some point, your body will start digesting your muscle.

I am not in business or marketing, but I think that your life speaks volumes. You need to dress well, act well, smell well, talk good (haha....one must take a joke!) and be a good person.

An eating disorder is you thinking you are some lard ass when you're so skinny we can see every little bone, but you don't see the bones. You have admitted you have this condition. I think you need to find the balance. We want you happy and healthy!

 

Then do some research on how to do it - talking to a counsellor who has experience with eating disorders would be a good start, if you haven't already been doing so. Also, I'm going to suggest you eat more, especially if you're working out every day (from your posts, I have no idea if you have or not). Spinach and crackers isn't enough for anyone - not only are you missing out on other important nutrients, but you're risking your own health...and if you continue to eat nothing/very little, then you could end up with serious consequences.

As for your (very negative) parental influence in your life, I say forget them. Your mother clearly doesn't know what's healthy behavior and what isn't healthy behavior, so why are you listening to her? Your health should matter way more to you than what you've heard from other people.

 

I totally agree.

Let me just say, that it is probably possible to be skinny and toned - but I am not sure how practical that is going to be with your eating disorder. Because skinny to you might be deathly ill to me.

ANd yes - don't listen to the people who you know are messed up. You have to help yourself. You really do. We are all here to listen - you just have to get the proper help.

 

Alex, I feel like you are ignoring everyone telling you to get help about your eating disorder.

You are sorta scaring me how you are going about all this and wanting to be "skinny".
It sounds unhealthy.

Please do something about this, okay buddy?
I don't want you to get in a bad place with your health.
There is only so much me and others can do for you on this site. Please open your eyes.

 

the first thing you should stop doing is trying to loop all gay men into holding one opinion. we all have different likes and etc. some gay guys like skinny guys. some don't. you can't win all.

 

As a former anorexic myself, I can understand where you coming from with the whole 'wanting to be skinny' and doing anything to get there. I know it's hard for some to understand why would someone pursue something so unhealthy for their body, but people do it anyway with full knowledge of the consecuenses. Some may call you stupid for doing so or tell you to eat something, but it won't change anything. They have to go deeper to see where the problem starts. In my case it didn't lasted more than a year, and it was because of my mother's support and love. Looking back I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for her being by my side. I never got to a state where I was ill but I did lost a large amount of weight. I know this isn't about me, but what I'm trying to say here is that you need to find the origin of this eating problem. I think it's clear that your mother has put a huge pressure on you to be perfect in her eyes, but you need to ask yourself, is it worthy? Is it worthy to risk your health to please your mother's idea of how you should look like? I really feel that you should find someone to help you get over this, whether a family member or a counsellor.
I hope you take this seriously, as something that needs to be changed.
You can pm me if you want to talk more about it.

 

I think a majority of gay men find a lean person to be attractive. Lean being defined as having an average build of muscles (i.e the muscles of someone who doesn't train, but gets moderate exercise), with a lowish (but still healthy) BMI. It's hard to describe without going into details, but basically skinny, but with a healthy layer of fat, so no bones sticking out all over the place.

Rather than obsess over getting to a certain weight and build, I'd just focus on avoiding extremes; don't be too skinny, don't be too big, even if it's muscle. It's not that being muscular is unattractive, it's just that being really buff A) tends to intimidate people, and make them assume that you're probably straight, B) Most people tend to find a middle-ground more attractive than an extreme. I personally feel virtually no attraction to extremely buff guys, and tend to be more into lean/skinny guys.

 

Skinny:


Slim/Slender/Trim/Lean:


Toned:


Muscular/Buff/Ripped:


It's up to you to decide what you find attractive. It also helps to remember that these aren't absolute; these labels cover a range of body types but I think this gives a general idea. I think most would go for somewhere between slim and toned.