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Not feeling enough affection from a specific parent growing up somehow has a factor with being gay?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by azzi, Mar 28, 2018.

?

Not feeling enough affection or love from one of your parents contributed to you being gay?

  1. Yes

    2.2%
  2. No

    60.9%
  3. Maybe

    37.0%
  1. andimon

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    I used to be the stereotypical momma's boy, distant father gay boy type so I don't really know if that was a factor or not, but it shouldn't matter. Parents should equally love their children unconditionally, not in the fear of having their kids turn out gay! And if they do "turn", it shouldn't be a reason to stop loving them. I wish people stopped asking stupid questions such as whether homosexuality is natural or not, and start seeing that what doesn't hurt a person or the people around them should be respected as any other preference, trait or choice. But then again, people have a bunch to say about your fashion style, music taste and skin color in the first place, so why "discriminate" when it comes to sexual orientation.
     
    #21 andimon, Apr 4, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2018
  2. Lari

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    I grew up without a father. To this day he only contacts me about once per year (typically on my birthday).
    While I don't think it has any scientific relationship with me being gay, I voted maybe just because it's not uncommon among my queer friends.
     
  3. Assassin'sKat

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    Plenty of people have normal parents and are gay, plenty of people only have one parent and are straight.

    It has no affect.

    Btw I was really only raised by mom, so by that logic shouldn't I be missing company of men? But I turned out to be a lesbian.
     
  4. SkyWinter

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    I'm not convinced that momma's boy plus absent father equals gay. If that's the case then what about people who are gay who have bad mom's? Doesn't that cause gayness too? It's sort of like any combination of bad parentage could be creating gay people, but then why aren't there way more gay people if so many things are turning people gay?
     
  5. Hyrule Wayfarer

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    Its not something I have ever thought of or encountered before.

    I have heard of people having nice mothers during childhood and then coming out as a teen/adult and then getting rejected - so the mother is deemed a bad mother. But she was still a nice mother in the child rearing stages so that poor relationship wouldn't have caused the gayness.

    I have not heard of bad mother during childhood leading to a gay teen/adult. I'm sure we'll find someone on this forum who may come forward and say 'yes I had a bad mum as a child and yes i'm a gay male'. But i've not encountered that in real life. Generally speaking in wider society you hear alot more of missing fathers or bad fathers who remain in the family household, then you do here of missing mothers or bad mothers.

    What do you mean by 'so many things turning people gay'.
     
  6. SkyWinter

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    Like people say "bad fathers make men gay" or "missing/absent fathers make men gay" or "lack of parental love makes men gay" or "an overly loving mom makes men gay". It's like everything is making men gay. There should be way more gay people if all of these things make men gay.
     
  7. Chip

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    While there is some correlation, it appears it is likely spurious. For example:

    [​IMG]

    We know that greater than 50% of African-American men grow up without fathers, or with absent/emotionally unavailable fathers. This is a much higher percentage than the caucasian or asian or other ethnic/racial groups. So if it were causative, we'd see a disproportionate number of gay men who are African-American. And that simply isn't the case.
     
  8. Hyrule Wayfarer

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    Hmm you do have a point here. Although it is worth mentioning that the black British community is homophobic, likewise so are Caribbeans. I can only assume this might also be the case for the African-Americans, although not being from America I can only guess based on pop culture. The homophobia and stigma might be enough to keep people in the closet. But I think its safe to say every male who has an absent father does not turn out gay.

    I don't think anyone said the third quote 'lack of parental love makes men gay'. The topic is does a crappy parental relationship led to men and women being LGBT. Its not a simple case of crappy parent = everyone with a crappy parent must be turned gay. Not every individual may be influenced/moulded by those external factors. I think its more of a spectrum.

    Do you believe homosexuality is genetic? I personally really hope it isn't because straight people will do prenatal testing for it like they test for disabilities/sex and the foetuses will simply be aborted.
     
  9. SkyWinter

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    If being gay or trans is not biological then that means we could see the return of those "pray away the gay" type situations. Not that there aren't those now, but if it's not biological it will be way worse. I wouldn't be too concerned about people testing for gay children and aborting them. There would be a huge backlash against something like that.
     
  10. SemiCharmedLife

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    I was loved very much and felt very close with both of my parents growing up. Still gay.
     
  11. Loves books

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    I've seen things on line where some people will twist sny scenario to come up with a reason some one is Gay. They refuse to accept your born that way. They would say a Lesbian with a distant relationship or no relationship to their mother but close to their dad desired missed a female relationship so liked girls. But they would say a Lesbian with a close relationship to their mother but not so great with their father, was used to close relationships with women only and that's why they date women.
     
  12. Patrick7269

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    I hate my dad with a passion, and I think my straight twin brother either just got along better with dad because he was innately straight from birth, and at birth I was gay and dad already sensed I was different, or something else happened. But dad was an asshole, that’s established and I think I would have wanted a different dad growing up even more than being straight.

    I don’t think it made me gay, but it shaped my tastes in men and gave me lots of trouble trusting people.

    Patrick
     
  13. Hyrule Wayfarer

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    In the Western world where Christianity is allegedly the official religion (I'm thinking USA & UK) we will never see the return of 'pray away' by the mainstream again. People just aren't that religious any more and do not practice their faith, people just don't give a s**t, there out there having sex with multiple people in their lifetime, sex before marriage, contraception, masturbation, gluttony, debt and excess. Its never going back to the old way, because the masses (straights) don't even follow their own religion to the letter any more.

    Of course those people whose families do follow Christianity to the letter (or whatever other religion) will face encouragement to pray away they gay even today. Or if someone is religious they probably will attempt to pray away the gay. etc Religious people in the West and further afield will always encourage gay people to pray away the gay, join the order or death penalty regardless of whether it is genetic or nurture.

    There's backlash against aborting females in China but they still do it. You just have to give a different excuse for not wanting the baby. Likewise straight people want children like them, if they had the choice they would always choose a straight child who they perceive will lead a normal life just like them over a gay child - just like they choose 'normal'/non-disabled children over disabled children. Most people don't think 'oh yes i'll have a kid and im happy for my line to die out afterwards', they procreate and expect grandchildren. That task is easier and expected if you have a straight child. We know Lesbians and Gays can have children, but lets be honest alot of people (myself included) experienced disappoint/horror from parents/family when they came out due to the disappointment of there being less likelihood of having grandchildren.

    Assuming it is genetic and tested for, we will end up with a situation like China where you can't explicitly say you are aborting because its female (gay in our case), but everyone knows that's the reason why. The parents will not be allowed to say to the doctor 'We don't want a gay son so please authorise the abortion', they will say 'oh we don't want kids / we aren't ready, give me the abortion'.

    You make me laugh, who will be doing the backlash? The teeny weeny LGBT community, or the masses of straight people who procreate every year who want children just like them? I don't recall the disabled ever rising up and impacting the majority decision to continue going full steam ahead with aborting disabled babies.
    People forget just because people are PUBLICLY 'Yay! Yay! I'm a social justice warrior Yay! Yay! ... Woop! I will only say politically correct stuff so it appears I am progressive and a nice person', it doesn't mean that what they say and do PRIVATELY has ever changed. Its like people acting like they are okay with LGBT/Black people because they have one LGBT/Black friend (publicly). But as soon as their daughter comes out as a lesbian they react in horror or if their daughter comes home with a black boyfriend (privately).
     
    #33 Hyrule Wayfarer, Apr 9, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2018
  14. Lawrence

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    My parents let me do almost whatever I wanted

    They've always cared about me, even although they call me the devil child XD (sometimes I was difficult)

    Plus I was always told that most people only want my body and/or money (so I'm pretty guarded in some ways)
     
  15. Ascendant

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    If it did (which I doubt), it would be either I'm bisexual by nature and by bad experiences with my father(s) cause me to gravitate only towards women, or I'm a lesbian and my mother's disapproval causes me to think I'm bisexual. I seriously do believe I would be gay regardless of what happened though.
     
  16. LaurenSkye

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    I would think that if having a distant father makes a boy become gay, there would be a lot more gay people in urban areas. Speaking from personal experience, there were different periods in my life with how active my dad was. The first few years in which I was in school, my dad worked late afternoons and evenings. He would pick me and my brother up from school, then an hour or so later, my grandma would come over and watch us for a couple of hours until my mom got home from work. A few years later he changed to the morning/early afternoon shift and and would pick us up from school (after spending an hour or two in an after school program). It was also not uncommon for us to have a boys night out at a baseball, basketball or hockey game. He also coached both of us in baseball and basketball. I think my brother and I both got approximately the same amount of attention from our dad.

    And as far as the nature vs nurture debate, I can't speak for whether it affects someone's sexuality, but I have a relative who is adopted, and he is more like his adopted father than anyone in my family is to their natural same-gender parent.
     
  17. Andid

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    I voted no. I had parents who were very devoted to me when I was younger. My first crush was Hilary Duff when I was 7 years old and my parents were very involved in my life at the time. I also wanted to be just like my male cousins when I was little. Dressed like them, talked like them, listened to the music they listened to. I was drawn to this lifestyle at an early age with which I don't believe was at all influenced by my parents.
     
  18. PlantSoul

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    I honestly think this is a load of bullshit. It's a stereotype. I don't think there was ever any actual scientific basis behind. It was something psychologists used to say to explain the cause of homosexuality.

    My father died when I was very young. I've thought myself to be almost everything under the sun. I'm sorry but this stuff can be terribly confused. Like, even now, I have to go by vague terms because it keeps changing. This goes for gender too. This has nothing to do with my father's death. Seriously, there are probably countless people who've had a figure with a crucial role to die in their lives and still ended up being "normal".