1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Not feeling enough affection from a specific parent growing up somehow has a factor with being gay?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by azzi, Mar 28, 2018.

?

Not feeling enough affection or love from one of your parents contributed to you being gay?

  1. Yes

    2.2%
  2. No

    60.9%
  3. Maybe

    37.0%
  1. azzi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2017
    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    My parents were separated while I was very young and I was left to my dad's care together with my brothers. My mother would visit us every few years for a short time and call sometimes to check on us. When I was in college, I was so close with my girl besfriend that we would always hang out at her house. Her grandma one time told me out of nowhere that she thinks I'm missing an affection from a woman or a mother.. At that time, I haven't given much thought about myself being lesbian or bi. In my head, I was like is she insulting me or does she think I like her granddaughter? But as years passed by, I feel somehow growing up without my mother at my side all the time did made a huge factor of how I am today. Sorry for the long introduction, but how about you guys? Is not having enough affection or feeling not enough love from one of your parents contributed to you being gay?
     
    #1 azzi, Mar 28, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2018
  2. Destin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2018
    Messages:
    2,055
    Likes Received:
    713
    Location:
    The United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My dad worked so much I barely ever got to spend time with him - even living in the same house. So maybe.
     
  3. Chiroptera

    Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,322
    Likes Received:
    1,173
    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There's absolutely no scientific evidence for this influencing someone's orientation.

    I have the priviledge to have wonderful parents, and, while obviously we had our discussions like every family, i have never felt abandoned or something like this. And i'm still not straight. = p

    On the other hand, I know a few friends/colleagues that had issues with one (or both) of their parents, and they are still heterosexual.
     
  4. SkyWinter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2016
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    82
    Location:
    GA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I voted maybe. Apparently so did a lot of people. Interesting.

    I think everyone is a combination of nature and nurture. I'm not convinced that having a bad parent makes people gay, but I do think that having bad parents can make being gay (or trans) more complicated.
     
  5. BothWaysSecret

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2017
    Messages:
    1,913
    Likes Received:
    136
    Location:
    Philadelphia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've never been close with my father, so it's a strong maybe.
     
  6. Blast

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2017
    Messages:
    510
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    Cymru
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Nobody knows what, in us, causes homosexuality OR heterosexuality.
     
    #6 Blast, Mar 28, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2018
  7. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,478
    Likes Received:
    1,762
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's not a causative factor, if indeed there are any causative factors. Lack of affection from one or both parents can certainly have an impact on how we respond to our sexuality and relate to people going forward, but there is zero evidence that it is the cause, or a cause (and it has been looked into). There is only one answer to this poll: no.
     
    #7 PatrickUK, Mar 29, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2018
  8. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Nope. I was always a mummy's boy more than a daddy's boy, but that's likely because dad worked more hours and I always spent more time with my mum. She worked as a nursery nurse and always loved children and had very strong maternal instincts, so naturally she was always the most fussy and affectionate with me - her youngest child. But when I came out as gay, my dad handled it the best out of the whole family. I think that while he didn't smother me with affection as much as my mum, he was willing to give me more space to become my own person, and me coming out as gay was part of my own adolescence, and he respected that.

    I think that our interactions with our parents might have some influence on the kind of relationships we pursue, but I don't think it has any influence on whether we become physically attracted to men or women.
     
  9. azzi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2017
    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Just to be clear, I dont mean not feeling enough love or affection MADE me gay, I meant "ONE of the factors" that I think contributed to me being gay.. and also eventhough I didn't grow up having my mother next to me, she never abandoned us, and she was always supportive. It was just that she wasn't physically with me during those younger years of my life. I grew up believing she was away because she was working for us, they didnt tell us they were already separated as they they didnt want us to get hurt and act rebellious. Well they succeeded with that not being a rebel daughter but missed the other important part, I was longing for my mom the whole time. But anyway, that is the reason why I said it is a factor for me. 90% of my friends are female though so it's not like I dont have any female people who influence me in my life.

    @SkyWinter , I agree with you. It is interesting that some are considering it maybe a factor.

    Thanks everyone for your answers!
     
  10. bi dystopia

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2013
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Liverpool, UK
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I had a violent, controlling, bullying and psychopathic mother and a distant, reluctant, often drunk, too scared of his wife to protect his kids, but otherwise friendly father - and I am bisexual with gender questioning. Are they related? I don't know. But my sister is also bisexual with gender questioning. She's also bipolar with psychosis episodes though, whilst I am not.
     
  11. HM03

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2013
    Messages:
    2,365
    Likes Received:
    448
    Location:
    Pergatory
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Both my brother and I were closer to my dad. That's opposite to the stereotype, and my brother ended up straight, I didn't.
     
  12. Hyrule Wayfarer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2014
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    This is nature vs nurture. If someone believes being gay is genetic they will always vote no, because no life experiences would alter their orientation. Likewise if you believe in nurture causing gayness you would answer yes or maybe to the survey.

    I personally don't know whether I think homosexuality is nature or nurture. But what I will say is I had a bad relationship with one parent, who disappeared from my life. So I shall vote maybe.
     
    #12 Hyrule Wayfarer, Mar 29, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2018
  13. Hyrule Wayfarer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2014
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You do realise being a 'mummy's boy' is a very stereotypical cause of gayness in males... You also happen to be a gay male. So in this scenario it would be a huge female influence from your mother during your childhood and a poor/missing male role model from your father causing you to be gay - following the stereotype.
     
  14. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Then surely there should have been a lot more gay and/or effeminate boys at my all boys secondary school than there were, and I should have had an easier time fitting in. It's very common in families for the mother to spend more time with children than the father.
     
  15. Mahidevran

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2016
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Belgium
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't know, but my mother never shown affection properly, so I never felt truly loved by her.
     
  16. Hyrule Wayfarer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2014
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Usually when big groups of boys get together it becomes a pack mentality. So you want to avoid being the runt of the litter who gets picked on, so the group will be more rough & boisterous. So I would not expect there to be more effeminate boys in an all boys school.

    It is stereotypical (cultural norm) for the mother to rear the children being the primary caregiver, and the father to work long hours to bring home the bacon. But that doesn't mean that it is the cultural norm for every male to be a mummys boy just because his mother was the primary caregiver.
     
  17. Loves books

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2017
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    Ireland
    My dad had 5 brothers and 4 sisters. Only 1 kid out of ten turned out gay. My dad is hated by all 3 of his kids. I have a sister and a brother both straight. I'm really close to my mum and I'm gay. I don't want affection from a male my dad doesn't qualify as an adult male because he's a narcissistic, emotionally and verbally abusive asshole who is jelous of any attention my mother gives me despite the fact I'm only home 2 days a week. He acts like a child saying he'll only go somewhere if I'm not going and saying my dog loves him more than me. I see my brother about 4 times a year. We say about 10 words to each other. I'm lacking a decent man in my life but I have been thanking god I like girls and won't be stuck with someone like my father. You know it's bad when your kids have been asking and then telling you to divorce your husband. My dad hasn't ever been physically abusive to my mother and hasn't hit his kids since we grew up. I think it's because he knows we'd hit him back. I love my mother and most of the arguments my parents had involved her screaming at him to never speak to his kids that way ever again. He's stopped threatening to have my dog shot but he's still threatening to give her away. My dads father was distant yet only one son was gay and my dad is incapable of human emotion yet one girl out of two is gay and his son is straight (though I did have some suspicions).
     
    #17 Loves books, Apr 2, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2018
  18. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think its more likely that me being gay caused me to be a mummy's boy, rather than being a mummy's boy that caused me to be gay.
     
  19. Hyrule Wayfarer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2014
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    hmm it seems we have a chicken or the egg scenario.
     
  20. SiberianHusky

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't believe so. My biological parents were very neglectful, yes I will admit. Ended up being taken in by one of my best friend's mother and her husband. As weird as this may sound I don't feel anything towards my real parents. I dont love nor hate them. That's not to say I didn't grow up being showered with the love and affection of many people. The most beautifully put way I have ever heard someone describe sexuality was this... " I don't like being labeled as being gay, straight, bi, or whatever you want to identify me as. All that happened was I fell in love with my best friend... and she just so happend to be a girl. "