My husband is transgender too...

They can look up to cops and soldiers as influence nd ur ex should came out sooner when u didnt have kids. Being a single mom is tough

 

he cant stay with u until the boys grow into men?

 

It may very well be that she wants to stay until the boys grow up. Maybe. I don't know her, nor overloadedlife. But as someone who is in the "husband's" situation, I can say this: being disconnected from your own body is a bit unnerving to say the least. If she feels that she is female inside, it doesn't mean she always knew. If so, she likely wouldn't have gotten into a hetero marriage.

I've been married for about 8 years. I have 1 boy and 3 girls to this marriage. I found out that I'm transgender about 5 months ago as well. And I came out at about that time to my wife. She said divorce was her course of action. Was going to get papers in order last month. This never came about. We j just spent Valentines day weekend together, without the kids, and it did a world of good for us to go out and just be together. Maybe the two of you could do that some time. See what you could hash out.

My wife is no lesbian either. She's been approached by women and shot them all down. SOOOOO she knows your perspective. But, it seems, she realized that she loves me as a person, not as a "man" so she's ready to work together on a common solution where both of our needs are met.

All the best in your struggles with this.

 

i accept hes a woman but right now in this era he could face alot of death threats if he transitions. its not gonna b easy and boys will never accept another man as their father.only ur husband,he wont look femine enough, he shouldve transitioned when he was 14. Bc at 14 puberty starts and he wouldve look more feminine but its too late 4 him now,and having and finding another spouse will b difficult.

 

This is completely incorrect. It's very possible to transition later in life and look feminine. There's also surgeries that can be done to feminize someone. Puberty also can start anywhere from 9-16. Furthermore, the children are young enough that if the OP chose to remarry, they would only know that man and would consider him their father.

 

what about death threats? arent u concerned?

 

Death threats from who and to whom?

 

death threats from crazies nd to her wife?

 

Crazies rarely need a rational reason to send death threats, but depending on where they live, there are laws they can fall back on.

 

theyre crazy they donthave rational reason.

 

Hey Overloaded with life, for some reason I can't message you either but I'm here if you need me.

 

Off and on sex life. My drive is more like that of a woman. Husband is in quotes as I identify as female, and yes, I've told my wife I'm more like a wife internally; she refers to me as partner as she remembers.

The kids are all 4 7 and younger. They know me as "Daddy" and that's what I'll have them call me until they are old enough to understand.

What you don't understand is this; your mention of finding a "middle ground" is asking her (I'll use feminine pronouns here as this is how she identifies) to compromise on her sense of self. I'm not sure what middle there is, but think of this. Say that you were raised as a boy. Your parents made you go and play in the mud. Play with trucks. Play ball. Your dad made you play rough and tumble, and got mad when you told him to stop it. Your Mom always told you you were "trying to be different" or "weird." Your Dad always told youhe was worried you'd turn out to be a "faggot."

These, and other such upbringings, are the makings of the late onset transgender person. We don't try to lie to everyone; we learn to hide. And its usually from some need for survival. Yes survival. There is untold violence, area depending, against transgendered persons. and sometimes we lie convincingly to ourselves in the process. I only realized I was transgender by going to therapy for bipolar disorder

 

I am a husband who is transitioning too married no kids. we are happy todgeter biggest thing is that we work together. I would not do anything that is not supported by my wife. Which meens I may not completely tranasition for years, thought I had breast augmentation, that was with my wife's support and though it took awhile for this to come about I was in no hurry. I find reading other post here and other places, the main theme seems to be I now know I am a woman so i am going to transitions now as quickly as possible and everyone including my wife, kids and family has to get on board ASAP!

that doesn't work, it take time and moving slowly, through each phase.

if you need to talk and just get things off your chest Im here too

 

Correct. There really is no middle ground. When it comes to finding your true identity, there is no compromise. The depression many of us trans people experience is the result of many years of one-sided compromise, and all against the trans person in question. SOOOOO, I would definitely say there is a selfishness in actualization of the true self. But, are we all not allowed some selfish period in life? The problem comes when we stomp on the needs of others to get what we want. For some of us, transition is a necessity for mental health. And there are varied degrees of necessity. Ames may be able to take it slow.great for her! I, on the other hand, will do what I can as soon as I'm financially able. Your SO might be like that as well.

 

Well, they can also do it when they're older. Here's a little story. The situation is different that yours, but it can still hold true. My parents divorced when I was 8 or so, and my dad really wasn't much of a father due to have mental issues of his own and working overnight. So, I grew up without much of a father figure due to that. I had my grandpa and all, but he passed in 1999 when I was 10 leaving me without a decent father figure for several years.

Mom had boyfriends and another failed marriage during this time. In 2002, I pointed out an unmarried man with his daughter at the local fair. They got to talking and on Dec 24th, 2003, they were married.

While I'm not related to this man by blood, I consider him to be my father, despite still calling him by is first name. He's as concerned about my education as his own daughter and is willing to help out as much as he can when I go to university. Quoting him, "Whatever you choose, we'll back you up."

The point is, there's no set age for a child to recognize someone as a parental figure, being younger does help. I was 16.

 

the selfish stage or obcession stage is what it sounds likek she is going through, it does get better and at times worse. she needs to understand that there are others around and its not just her. it takes time I was so lucky tht I didnt stay in that stage for very long, also my wife was very supportive.

best way to put it think of yourself when you were 14 yrs old thats sort of what she is going through