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More Drama with Mother

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Revan, Mar 11, 2011.

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  1. cardenio

    cardenio
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    Congratulations!
     
    #41 cardenio, Mar 16, 2011
  2. alan t

    alan t
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    congrats!
     
    #42 alan t, Mar 16, 2011
  3. stageone

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    Congratulations!!! Bet you're glad that's done :wink:
     
    #43 stageone, Mar 16, 2011
  4. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    Congrats!!! It must feel great :slight_smile: Good job sticking to your initial goal!
    (And you can always just not allow her to see the "intrested in" part of your facebook.. if that was a concern at all)
     
    #44 alexi12, Mar 16, 2011
  5. Revan

    Revan
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    I removed it but more cuz it really is none of anyone's business :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #45 Revan, Mar 16, 2011
  6. Revan

    Revan
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    Around when does the personal shock go away? I feel just in a state of shock right now....that they accepted me. And I mean I've lived in the closet to them for so long, it's weird to think..."I'm out"
     
    #46 Revan, Mar 17, 2011
  7. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    Haha probably just a little while, it must feel great though (good shock) lol :slight_smile:
     
    #47 alexi12, Mar 17, 2011
  8. V128

    V128
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    The shock goes away pretty quick, as life goes on. For me, what I noticed, is that still when people bring up the word "gay" around me, or when my Mom asks me about stuff surrounding it, I still get a little start and my heart skips a beat. I guess it's just a matter of time and getting out of the habit of reacting that way.

    Congratulations on coming out! It feel good, don' it?
     
    #48 V128, Mar 17, 2011
  9. Revan

    Revan
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    My mom just asked me today if i'm a pedophile because I use to watch Toddlers & Tiaras (I find it completely pathetic and a stupid show, that's clearly all) but apparently I'm such a horrible person now. And so you know she says she's fine with me being gay (clearly not) but that I told my cousin who apparently always attacked me and she defended me so she's saying I've betrayed her and sided with the enemy >_>
     
    #49 Revan, Mar 19, 2011
  10. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    So your mom says that your cousin is the enemy for defending you?

    But as far as the show, I don't know what you can say other than "no I'm not a pedophile, I don't even watch it anymore"
     
    #50 alexi12, Mar 19, 2011
  11. Revan

    Revan
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    I did...lol. But yeah I'm just getting railed on, my mom says I can come home for the weekend to work, but she might not be home, she says she can't look at me. And it seems to all be because of telling my cousin...I mean she says she's hurt like 400 people knew before her, but it seems like the cousin thing is what frustrates her the most....
     
    #51 Revan, Mar 19, 2011
  12. Mirko

    Mirko
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    (*hug*)

    Things will settle down eventually. From what you have said, and also knowing a bit about your previous posts on EC, it seems that your mom is (perhaps) trying to come to terms with it all. It is clear she has some ways to go but you already have a couple of good indicators that your mom will eventually get there.
     
    #52 Mirko, Mar 19, 2011
  13. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    Yeah, I agree with Mirko. I think over time your mom will both accept you and while she is accepting you, she will understand why you told other people.

    She still loves you if she is willing to let you come home, so as it may be uncomfortable, or very uncomfortable, she still loves you.
     
    #53 alexi12, Mar 19, 2011
  14. Revan

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    Yeah I guess....It Gets Better right? ....
     
    #54 Revan, Mar 19, 2011
  15. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    ultimately it definitely should, just be patient :slight_smile:

    And if things get worse, you have us on E.C. and your friends and boyfriend who can help.
     
    #55 alexi12, Mar 19, 2011
  16. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    Explain to your mom that parents are almost always the last people told. It's because their opinion is more important to us than other people's, and the fear of their reaction is therefore greater. Also, consider directing her to PFLAG for support, if you haven't already. They can help her understand things like this.

    It'll be okay--your mom is going through a lot of feelings right now, but she has made the decision to accept you. So, eventually, it will all get better.
     
    #56 Ianthe, Mar 19, 2011
  17. mnguy

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    Congratulations for telling them!! Well done! :slight_smile:

    I'm sorry that your mom is being so unreasonable about who you had told, but you DID tell her SIX years ago. It's her own fault for how she reacted then, NOT yours. So she wanted you to remain silent for all these years and not tell anyone? That's really weird and illogical of her. I'd be pissed at her if I was you, but I'd get over it. She'll come around I guess, but I'm sorry you have to deal with her immaturity.

    Congrats on the BF too, btw. What does he think of all of this?
     
    #57 mnguy, Mar 20, 2011
  18. starfish

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    There is a lot of wisdom in that statement.
     
    #58 starfish, Mar 20, 2011
  19. Revan

    Revan
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    My boyfriend kinda thinks he's not very happy with my mother and now almost doesn't want to meet her because he's not happy with how she reacted. His mother has already basically started considering me her son, she said it herself. (bahaha insert awkward incest remark here :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Sorry humour right now is the only thing that's keeping me sane these days). As for my mother's reaction, she's blaming me for coming out in a letter the first time, saying she reacted so harshly 6 years ago because I came out in the letter. But interestingly I don't recall that being brought up at all during the thing that happened, I remember her bringing up if I've kissed a boy, did someone convince me, etc, nothing about me coming out in a letter >_>

    Also guys I'm sorry it seems like I'm making it Me Me Me, cuz I know others have had even worse coming out experiences, I'm just hurting right now...
     
    #59 Revan, Mar 20, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2011
  20. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    She's seems like she is just confused as to what it really is about (being gay that is). I really think this will settle down a lot.
    Does she know about your boyfriend? (If no, why not?)
     
    #60 alexi12, Mar 20, 2011
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