Hi, For some background I'm a 22 year old guy that has been feeling pretty confused about my sexuality for a little over a year now. Sometimes I feel like I'm coming to some conclusion, but I inevitably start to second guess myself again shortly after. There are times where I almost feel sure I could be gay, but then something happens that makes me worry I'm straight. The thing is a lot of the time I kind of feel like I want to be gay. I kind of worry that I'm just faking it though. I guess I wanted to give some reasons why and see what other people might think. I know no one else can tell me what MY sexual orientation is, but it's just nice to get some of this off my chest and maybe get advice from someone else. The first reason I feel like I might want to be gay is because I just want to feel like there is something unique or special or different about me. I don't really think I've developed an identity for myself, and I wonder if this is just me desiring that. I know even if I am gay it shouldn't be my whole personality, but I feel like it could just be something that sets me apart a little. Another reason is because of my upbringing. I was raised Catholic, and I worry that this could just be a way of saying "fuck you" to the way I was raised. I don't think religion ever really did anything for me. Obviously I'm not Catholic anymore, but I think this still causing trouble for me as I think it only ever made me feel guilty about myself. Even though I would never think of doing it at this point, the idea of coming out and maybe shocking everyone I know kind of makes me laugh. I guess these first two are pretty shitty, disingenuous reasons to "want" to be gay. The third reason I worry I might just want to be gay is that I think I might have some feelings for a close friend of mine. I'm not that close with anyone else anymore. He's really my only friend at this point. I mean, he's my closest friend, and he's the only person I've opened up to about this even though it was just a tiny bit, and I definitely didn't mention the part about him. I guess I just worry that I'm confusing that closeness for some other feeling and I hope I'm gay just because he seems like he might be the only person I feel something for at the moment. To be honest something about the idea of us in a relationship kind of makes me feel happy some times, it can be a little weird at others though. Some I guess the final reason I feel like I might want to be gay is that I'm not really sure if I've ever felt anything for a woman, not that I'm sure have for men either, aside from whatever it is I feel for my friend. I always thought that I was "attracted" to women, but to be honest I can't remember a time it was ever very strong or super obvious. I remember having a "crush" on a girl as early as kindergarten, but I think I just sort of thought she was cute, and I'm not sure that the way I feel about women has evolved much more than that. I guess what I mean by all that is maybe I just haven't felt anything like that for women just because I could be gay. And maybe, if I am, once I realize that I'll finally be able to feel something that I can for sure recognize as a normal, healthy attraction. This last part isn't really a reason I want to be gay, it's more just a worry that all of this confusion is for nothing. I've heard of sexual orientation OCD and sometimes I wonder all of this could just be that. I'm pretty sure I don't have and I don't want to claim I do because I know it can be a very serious condition. I don't really fear being gay, I think I would get used to it, and could be happy with it once I got used to it. However, my sexuality is definitely something I've been obsessing about since I started questioning myself. It's one of the only things I think about if I'm not distracted by something else. When I first started wondering if I could be gay, it was strange and different, but now the idea that I might not be gay seems like it's almost more anxiety inducing and depressing whenever I'm feeling "more straight". This is getting a bit long, so I think I'll wrap it up. I appreciate it if you read this far!