1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

So something happened a couple of days ago

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by skloorrpt, May 22, 2020.

  1. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I've made a couple of posts here recently. One post had to do with some weird things I worry might be holding me back from realizing I could be gay. The other post had to do with some of my early thoughts or feelings about sex/sexuality.

    Anyways I mentioned a friend in my other threads and I actually ended up seeing him a few days ago. I was asking about discussing my sexuality with him which is something I wanted to do. I did manage to bring it up, but again, we didn't discuss it as much as I would've like to. He even mentioned it at one point. Not sure why, but a lot of the stuff I have said on here is hard for me to say in real life. Bringing up that I'm not sure of my sexuality wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but going into details was difficult which will probably sound insane considering what I'm going to talk about in this post.

    I went to spend a day or two at my friends place. The first day I was there he asked if I had heard of platonic cuddling. I sort of chuckled a bit and brushed off the question. Anyways later that night we were sitting around having a couple beers and watching a movie. He sort of leaned up against me, grabbed my arm, and pulled it around his shoulder. So we stayed like that till the end of the movie when he said he was going to bed and asked if I wanted to join him. So we went to bed and we spooned/cuddled all night. We did it again the next night, and I guess we sort of started to feel each other up a bit at some point too.

    When he initially asked it made me a bit anxious. Once we started cuddling it was a bit weird, but I actually enjoyed it a lot (maybe a little too much if you get what I mean, lol). The second night I was there we did it again, and we got a bit more touchy I was a little hesitant, and it was a little weird, but it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. Like I said, despite how I initially worried, I actually thought spooning was really nice, and I wish I could've stayed another night. I kind of find myself missing it and wishing/hoping we do it more the next time we get the chance. To be honest I miss it, it was nice and I kind of wish he was here tonight lol.

    So I suppose that's not very straight of me, but I still have a couple of things I wonder about. I guess the first would be that maybe it was just exciting because I've never done anything like this with anyone before. Also, this might answer the question about whether or not we're just friends or if it's more than that. I don't exactly think of this as something people who are just friends would do, but I'm still not sure. I guess I'm probably just in a lot of denial about all of this though. Another thing I sort of wonder about is his motivation for all of this. He's a close friend, but like I said, I don't think he would bring this up if he wasn't into this a little bit too.

    Anyways, I'm going to wrap up this post. I never would have thought this would have happened even just a week ago and I'm still sort of surprised I did it, but to be honest, I'm really glad I did. I guess I just felt like I needed/wanted to tell someone and this is really the only place I could think of. Thank you for reading this if you did!
     
  2. musicteach

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2019
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Mid-west
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don’t see anything wrong with platonic cuddling. My best friend — I’ve literally known him 15 years — and he’s straight as an arrow but we cuddle all the time. I think some of what you’re feeling steams from this societal idea that guys can’t have affection or time to cuddle. Nothing sexual involved, just time to hold and be held. More than that, young boys are taught this early “man up”, “toughen up”, things of that nature.

    Humans by our very nature are pack animals. We’ll make connections with nearly anyone or anything — animals and inanimate objects included. But we teach our males that we have to be tough warriors at all times. It’s simply not the case. Having time to cuddle a friend does not effect your sexuality or even indicate it well. A cuddle without sex is a perfectly valid and healthy thing.

    He might like you like that, and he might not. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be a sexual action.
     
    VanBo likes this.
  3. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I don't think there's anything wrong with it either, it was just a little weird when he brought it up. I've known this guy for a long time too. I agree that what I'm feeling might come from some sort of societal norm. I do wonder when it stops being platonic though. Like I said in my post I actually enjoyed it a lot once we started, and I even found myself a little aroused by it, which I guess I didn't make super clear in my original post. I sort of wonder what that means, but I guess it answers some questions I had mentioned in another post.

    The thing is that this isn't the first time I've wondered if he might be into me. There have been a few other times things have happened that have made me wonder. I do think I might be reading into it a little bit too much though.
     
  4. musicteach

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2019
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Mid-west
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Getting aroused could just mean you’rea healthy, sexually-functioning 22-year-old (guy?). Sometimes an arousal, especially in situations like that, is just an indicator that the plumbing is working and not always a great indicator of sexuality. A better indicator of sexuality is what you fantasize about without porn.

    I mean he might be, he might not be. How does it make you feel if he is? If he isn’t?
     
    #4 musicteach, May 22, 2020
    Last edited: May 22, 2020
  5. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Maybe, I don't know. It just seems like if I could get a boner just from cuddling with a guy that could mean something. Lately I do seem to be more sexually interested in men though. I'm still a virgin, and what happened between my friend and me is the furthest I've made it with anyone, but the idea of sex with a dude is just a little more intriguing to me for some reason. The weird thing is that I don't know if I really find men attractive, and I still seem to find women at the very least aesthetically pleasing.

    To be honest I'd kind of like it if he was into me. Part of me wonders if it's just because I'd like the attention. Then again if he didn't I'd maybe feel a little let down, so I'm not sure what any of that means. The idea of us dating does seem like it could be nice though.
     
  6. musicteach

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2019
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Mid-west
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Not necessarily. Young, healthy guys can get boners from practically any stimulation. When you’re alone and you want to pleasure yourself, what do you fantasize about? Men? Women? Both? Nothing?

    I’m partial to a blunt approach, but know if he’s not ready to admit it, it could be disastrous.
     
  7. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I didn't mention this earlier because I didn't want to get too NSFW, but I guess there's no reason worry about that. It wasn't exactly just a boner. There was quite a bit of precum too, and I had blue balls from the whole thing. I wasn't expecting anything to happen so I was a little surprised by the all of that. It was also a little embarrassing, I was trying to hide the fact that I had an erection, but I'm sure he knew because it must have it brushed up against him quite a few times.

    I know porn isn't always accurate, and I don't exactly have normal porn tastes (I don't mean normal as in straight) and haven't for a while. I began watching gay porn more and more frequently until it overtook straight stuff and eventually it was basically 99% gay. I decided about a week ago to give porn a break for a while, and when I masturbate I still think of guys I, but it's rarely any specific dude. I'm not sure if that's just a continuation of how my taste in porn has evolved though.

    I don't think I'm ready to tell him yet and I'm not sure if I ever will be, maybe some day. I don't worry so much about what he would think. I don't think I mentioned this, but he is gay, not that that means he would automatically be willing to do anything. I just worry that it would be awkward for me. The last thing I want to do is somehow fuck up our friendship and make things awkward. He's like my best friend, and one of my only ones so I really don't want to lose that.
     
  8. musicteach

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2019
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Mid-west
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sounds like to me you already know what the heart desires. Fear is a powerful motivator. Empires have been built on it, and they have fallen because of it. I have a story for you.

    I’m a musician, been one since I taught myself trumpet. I’ve performed in front of the President of the United States, the Queen of England, and many others. I have terrible anxiety, too. Now I’ma high school band director, but this hasn’t changed. I’ve always had fear and anxiety before a performance.

    Fear is a natural human emotion, but we cannot allow it to control us or rule our lives. I almost stopped being a musician because I was so afraid of the audition process for the US Navy. I literally threw up immediately before and after my audition. I auditioned on tuba and the thing I was so afraid of turned out true: they turned me down tuba. But then something happened they told me to try again the next day on trumpet. I didn’t feel as nervous this time because I had already done it one time. Nailed the audition, and that started my time in the US Navy as a musician.

    I couldn’t imagine my life now had I not of faced my fears and did it anyways. I play something just about every day. My fiancé proposed to me at the end of a band rehearsal and he had asked my students’ permission before doing so.

    Point is: if we let fear stop us, we’ll always be just a step away from something amazing. And yes, you could ruin your relationship (I doubt it). But you may never know if you don’t try.
     
    #8 musicteach, May 22, 2020
    Last edited: May 22, 2020
    Lyman likes this.
  9. Ram90

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    882
    Likes Received:
    267
    Location:
    India
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I would encourage you to talk to him openly about feelings or actions, just in case something like this or similar ends up happening a few more times. Wouldn't want the wrong idea to crop up. And it's always good to get the confusion out of the way. :slight_smile:
     
    Spartan 117 likes this.
  10. Spartan 117

    Community Facilitator Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2014
    Messages:
    431
    Likes Received:
    235
    Location:
    Isle of Wight, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey! I haven’t read all of your backstory- there was a lot to read!

    But as for your story here, I will say that even though it would be nice to live in a world where we all have platonic cuddles with each other- I don’t think “come to bed where we can spoon each other and feel each other up” sounds very platonic to me. It can be awkward with friends because sometimes when these things happen it puts a bit of a strain on your friendship - especially if you’re a little unclear about what’s going on. The good news is that it seems pretty mutual, and you both enjoyed it.

    While these things could have another explanation: I think considering you were aroused being close to him, that you like gay porn, and you occasionally fantasise about men then maybe you should consider that you’re not 100% straight. That doesn’t automatically make you gay, you could fancy men and women with a strong preference for one or the other. Maybe you don’t feel you fit into a label at all. Whatever the case, it’s perfectly normal and you’ll be alright. :slight_smile:
     
    #10 Spartan 117, May 23, 2020
    Last edited: May 23, 2020
    musicteach likes this.
  11. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I mean, like I said in one of my other posts I sometimes feel like I want to be gay, but I'm not sure if I actually am. I'm pretty self conscious, and I am afraid of people knowing I don't know if I'm gay or not. I don't want any of my other friends to know, and I especially don't want my family to know.
    I do let fear/anxiety keep me from doing things. I guess I am sort of at a weird point in my life and there's kind of a lot of uncertainty. I do need to get over that fear. I don't think I would mess up our relationship just by asking. I guess it's more that I worry if something did happen between us and it didn't work out then it would be awkward. Plus I don't know if I'll ever be able to work up the courage to actually try anything.
     
  12. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    If you mean talk about my sexual confusion, I think I'm going to try to bring it up again next time I get the chance. I don't know how to tell him about how I feel though, if that's what you mean. I'd assume he knows I enjoyed it since I agreed to do it the second night too. I do think he probably liked it too since he wanted to do it. I still don't really know how to talk about or ask exactly what all of it meant though.
     
  13. skloorrpt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I wouldn't expect you to read all of it, I've only had this account for a couple of weeks, but I've already made quite a few posts.
    When he initially asked I was wondering what his motivation was. I can understand just liking cuddling, but it didn't seem very platonic to me either, especially the second night. I was worried that it would be awkward, but once we started it wasn't nearly as weird as I was worried it would be. Like you said I think we both enjoyed it so I don't think there were any negatives.
    I think over the last year or the last few months I have been getting used to the fact that I'm probably at least bisexual. It's all still a little new and weird for me sometimes, and there are days where I second guess all of this, but others times something about it just feels right. So maybe that's just part of coming to terms with something, and if it is hopefully I can accept it soon. Although I'm not really looking forward to coming out if that's something I'm going to need to do.