I've made a couple of posts here recently. One post had to do with some weird things I worry might be holding me back from realizing I could be gay. The other post had to do with some of my early thoughts or feelings about sex/sexuality. Anyways I mentioned a friend in my other threads and I actually ended up seeing him a few days ago. I was asking about discussing my sexuality with him which is something I wanted to do. I did manage to bring it up, but again, we didn't discuss it as much as I would've like to. He even mentioned it at one point. Not sure why, but a lot of the stuff I have said on here is hard for me to say in real life. Bringing up that I'm not sure of my sexuality wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but going into details was difficult which will probably sound insane considering what I'm going to talk about in this post. I went to spend a day or two at my friends place. The first day I was there he asked if I had heard of platonic cuddling. I sort of chuckled a bit and brushed off the question. Anyways later that night we were sitting around having a couple beers and watching a movie. He sort of leaned up against me, grabbed my arm, and pulled it around his shoulder. So we stayed like that till the end of the movie when he said he was going to bed and asked if I wanted to join him. So we went to bed and we spooned/cuddled all night. We did it again the next night, and I guess we sort of started to feel each other up a bit at some point too. When he initially asked it made me a bit anxious. Once we started cuddling it was a bit weird, but I actually enjoyed it a lot (maybe a little too much if you get what I mean, lol). The second night I was there we did it again, and we got a bit more touchy I was a little hesitant, and it was a little weird, but it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. Like I said, despite how I initially worried, I actually thought spooning was really nice, and I wish I could've stayed another night. I kind of find myself missing it and wishing/hoping we do it more the next time we get the chance. To be honest I miss it, it was nice and I kind of wish he was here tonight lol. So I suppose that's not very straight of me, but I still have a couple of things I wonder about. I guess the first would be that maybe it was just exciting because I've never done anything like this with anyone before. Also, this might answer the question about whether or not we're just friends or if it's more than that. I don't exactly think of this as something people who are just friends would do, but I'm still not sure. I guess I'm probably just in a lot of denial about all of this though. Another thing I sort of wonder about is his motivation for all of this. He's a close friend, but like I said, I don't think he would bring this up if he wasn't into this a little bit too. Anyways, I'm going to wrap up this post. I never would have thought this would have happened even just a week ago and I'm still sort of surprised I did it, but to be honest, I'm really glad I did. I guess I just felt like I needed/wanted to tell someone and this is really the only place I could think of. Thank you for reading this if you did!