Married, pregnant, but secretly gay

I don’t think QuietPeace meant it in a judgemental way as she doesn't know you, probably just wondering as some people use that term when meaning hookups.

 

That is alot to deal with. Can I ask how far along you are with your pregnancy? You mentioned being with him for around 13 years so guessing your first child is perhaps a teenager? Can I ask whether you were using contraception & it wasn’t planned? Sometimes when taking antibiotics & other factors can affect contraception outcomes etc, that’s all. Tough position to be in especially as when being pregnant all the hormonal activity in your body is difficult to deal with. I was very unwell physically during my pregnancy as in hospitalised on drips regularly so hoping first of all that you are feeling physically healthy as all this extra pressure emotionally dealing with what you have shared is a huge load to carry for you. Would you be able to tell your husband? Not being your true self is very difficult, & also keeping up facades also exhausting. If you told your husband what do you think or feel his reaction would be? Also having children is as you know a huge responsibility which being a mom already you know. Was wondering why you decided to have another baby, or was it a surprise? When we keep things bottled up for so long it manifests in other ways. It’s a very fine line between being true to yourself, & honest with your husband too. Given you are bringing another child into the world perhaps it would be a good chance or time to let your husband know exactly how you feel. Everyone can pass judgements but we are not walking in your shoes. The emotional toll on you though is concerning. Perhaps if you don’t have a counsellor or therapist you could find one who could help you navigate this, as in telling your husband in a supported environment. This is a very tough situation but something I feel your husband needs to know. And will ease the burden on your shoulders you feel of living your life as you say the “perfect life”. No one has a perfect life. Being pregnant during a pandemic would be so difficult & pregnancy has so many ups & downs without being in the middle of a worldwide pandemic. Please stay safe, & I feel for your emotional wellbeing it is important your husband knows. He deserves to know the real you. And you need to feel supported though when you share this very deeply personal information with him, so as your mental & physical wellbeing is protected as well as your baby’s. I feel it is probably an appropriate time time to let your husband know given you have both decided to bring another child into your family. You need to feel supported & understood. He may already have a feeling & perhaps not be as shocked as you think he may be. Also what you disclose to your husband does not need endorsement nor judgement from his or your family. People are so quick to pass judgements. I hope this made sense. Just feel it would be a relief for you, & longterm a positive step for your ongoing mental health, & wellbeing. Also so you can be your authentic self. Playing someone you are not is exhausting & repression of feelings you have is longterm going to only make you feel even more powerless. Taking responsibility is important too. I feel you owe it to your husband to be open & honest with him. You may be surprised how accepting he can be, & will help you feel better within yourself moving forward. I also feel he has the right to know being your husband. But please seek some guidance, support or therapist to enable you to feel supported in a non confrontational environment if & when you feel you can share this with him. Your other child will love you just the same as you are their mom. You are the same person. I just feel the layers of your onion so to speak really need to be peeled back so you & your family can embrace you, & you can be your true authentic self. Your husband has the right to know how you feel honestly, & also even moreso as you bring another human being into the world. Take a deep breath, then repeat. You can do this, & you will benefit from sharing this deeply personal part of yourself. Be proud of who you are, & honesty is the best policy always

 

Was

Was it planned the pregnancy? As in were you using contraception. Personal question but wandering if perhaps deep down you may feel by having another baby may help you navigate this a little easier? Can I ask why you felt you couldn’t say no to marrying him? Was it for religious purposes or something similiar? Trying to understand how at 17 I think you mentioned you could not say no to marrying him when he was a 27year old man. Sorry just trying to understand a bit more. How many weeks pregnant are you?

 

You

Guessing you’re in the US. Hopefully the pandemic is not stressing you out too much. Alot of Aussies right now in lockdown are losing their minds & protests in every state as restrictions are stay home with curfews so everyone is fatigued & basically losing their minds. Sounds weird but in & out of lockdown messes with any plans & people are really struggling with their mental health. You’ve probably seen on the news Australia freaks out & lockdowns are frequently happening. Home schooling parents are over it & the only ones really liking it are our puppies

 

How many weeks till your due date? So about 30 weeks roughly? It’s important you have someone to talk to about this to support you & you can confide in. Having a voice is important & your feelings matter.

 

Is there possibly a counsellor/therapist that you could access through the hospital where you are having your baby. Confidentiality of course.

 

I did not call you a cheat. I said that if someone phrase things the way that you did then that meant they were having sex and if someone is married and has sex outside their marriage then that is cheating. Cheating is cheating and it is as simple as that. You do not have to worry about me ever responding to you after this I am going to avoid anything that you post.

 

Hey there.

Give yourself a break. Take a breath. You’ve got a lot on your plate but you don’t have to deal with it all at once. The pregnancy is the first thing, I’d think. If you can, try not to let your sexuality “situation” overwhelm you. Whether or not you can come out to your husband, whether you’ll ever be with a woman, etc.

I’m going to guess those things will get resolved in time but for the moment I think it might help to focus on your baby without letting the stress of the rest of it interfere with that. There’ll be plenty of time to deal with it afterwards.

I realize you can’t put it completely out of your head but remember, you can’t know for sure that your husband will react badly/not jump right to support you. If you can imagine the worst, you could also imagine the best, right? Anything is possible.

Feel free to get your thoughts out here because it could help you figure out your path forward.

Hang in there.

 

You are very brave to reach out for support. Be kind to yourself and I hope you find relief and comfort from talking about your feelings, here at EC x

 

My pleasure. You will get through this. Take time to breathe and remember you've got this x