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Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by greg56, Oct 12, 2012.

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  1. wandering i

    wandering i
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    If you can't deal with it and need more time to yourself it's okay to write a note on your door (if you can't call or talk face to face) and let them know you can't take company right now and you'll explain later.
    Just try not to get too worked up. You can turn the phone off for a little while too.
    Is there anyone you do feel ok talking to?
    Do you have any plans to talk with someone about what's going on?
     
    #81 wandering i, Oct 20, 2012
  2. greg56

    greg56
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    I like talking here and on another web site...probably because, for the first time in a long time...I feel like I belong somewhere. I can talk and people understand what I'm saying. I don't have to hide, or put on a "happy me show".

    greg
     
    #82 greg56, Oct 20, 2012
  3. greg56

    greg56
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    It's the afternoon again...this is the time I start feeling sorry for myself, blah, blah, blah.
    Has gotten old.
     
    #83 greg56, Oct 20, 2012
  4. wandering i

    wandering i
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    Do you have a therapist or the resources to contact one? You can meet with a counselor multiple times a week if you let them know you need it, and a lot of places are good about rushing emergency cases into care. And you are allowed to request it, ok?

    My strategy for my life now is 1. stay safe, avoid stress and 2. take small steps to make things better on a regular basis. Of course I and the other members of the community will be here to listen but I think getting a professional with more strategies and resources will be helpful to you, too.
    Just take care and try to stay as comfortable as you can.
     
    #84 wandering i, Oct 20, 2012
  5. greg56

    greg56
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    I've been to theapy...the first time with a man named Dave for almost 20yrs. He died a couple of years ago from cancer. I then started meeting with "Heather" who is about in her 30's(I have a hard time guessing ages). Anyway...I just told her on Tuesday what had happened and that I've been (mildly) overdosing on pain pill. She asked me to check in to their clinic. I refused on the basis of "roommates" and "hallways" as being triggers. She then told me that she was going to get "Sandy" the nurse practioner to have me commited.

    Now anyone who has read this tread knows that she was doing the right thing. But, in my mind this caused me a great deal of anger and panic...as a "dr." was going to force me into a "rappable situation".

    I had been having unusal reactions and thoughts since this all started.

    I made an appointment with a Therapist that deals with this type of pstd, and have seen her twice. I have my doubts that she will be able to offer me any serious relief...but, I shall see.

    I am most comfortable in my home with the doors locked...24/7 This is where i feel safest. I keep telling my self that this is not right...but, can come up with more excuses to stay home than going outside.

    I do have to drive to see the therapist, but, straight back home I come...no stopping for anything or anyone.
     
    #85 greg56, Oct 20, 2012
  6. wandering i

    wandering i
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    I am sorry for your loss with Dave. Also I apologize, I read everything about your therapist situation in earlier posts but I have difficulty remembering things.

    I am really glad you are looking into help and doing what is most comfortable for you now. I think it's good to take it at the pace that doesn't cause you too much stress. Just one little step forward whenever you can. And I really hope you can find someone who will offer the right help.
     
    #86 wandering i, Oct 20, 2012
  7. greg56

    greg56
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    I feel like there is something inside of me (literally) tearing my guts to shreads. Last week, I was hysterical and talking about doing away with myself.

    Today I'm much calmer, and looked it up via internet. I think, I'm right with the plan I have in place.

    I'm getting tired of hearing it'll get better. The only thing that is stopping me are the ones I leave behind to wonder and grieve..that is very powerful...been through that and didn't like it.

    I've heard that God only gives us what we can bear on our shoulders. I think he's pushing it. How much does one have to carry/bury...wish I could just bury it all again. That would ease everyones mind.
     
    #87 greg56, Oct 20, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2012
  8. wandering i

    wandering i
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    My mom is religious too and at times like these she says we may not understand why things are happening but we will be able to look back and see why it was important.

    For me, it was attempting to write a 'goodbye' letter to everyone that made me seek professional help, because I realized how many people I still want to be there for, and how many people are there for me. That was when I decided I wasn't going to run away anymore and let this steal any more of my life. To accept this is here in me and look it in the face and say, "no" and get help.
    So I'm glad to hear you are thinking about the people you mean so much to. I'm glad to hear you know you are loved and you are important to others. And to let you know, I am thinking about you too.

    What plan do you mean?
     
    #88 wandering i, Oct 21, 2012
  9. greg56

    greg56
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    Yes, still hanging on. I found a therapist who deals with child abuse and ptsd. I don't have very much confidence so far...but, will see.
     
    #89 greg56, Oct 24, 2012
  10. wandering i

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    Realy glad to hear this, Greg. I've been thinking about you for the last couple of days.
     
    #90 wandering i, Oct 24, 2012
  11. greg56

    greg56
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    Thanks

    So sorry to see that your in pain, hope you feel better soon
     
    #91 greg56, Oct 24, 2012
  12. wandering i

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    Thanks, I spend too much time sitting and caused myself some lower back pain that makes it difficult to move around. And my depression treatment seems to be at a standstill which is discouraging until things get moving again. But I am doing alright- I have enough to eat and am keeping comfortable. I hope you are doing ok, too?
     
    #92 wandering i, Oct 24, 2012
  13. greg56

    greg56
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    I understand your feelings. I've only been "outside" to see the therapist. I did pick up a few things one day...but will have to buy groceries tomorrow. Not looking forward to it

    Why can't they make "real feel good" pill. lol
     
    #93 greg56, Oct 24, 2012
  14. wandering i

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    I know, right. The doctor told me to stop my medication and wait for feedback from my ADD testing before I start anything else. So I have two weeks to just... wait. I've been putting off a trip to the store for about three weeks, and I've been relying completely on delivery for a few days.
    I'm trying not to let it get me down, though. I will go as soon as I can and until then I'm not going to beat myself up. If I can eat, sleep, and get even a little homework done or a little more research for voting, I will consider each day a success. No reason to make this worse on myself than it needs to be. Just keep breathing and don't think about it too much, time will keep marching forward, and things will change.
     
    #94 wandering i, Oct 24, 2012
  15. greg56

    greg56
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    As I've said before, PSTD has never hit me, so hard, fast and deeply...so I''m in an entirely new area.

    For the last few days, I've had cold sweats, dry mouth, severe trembling, and trouble remembering what I've done....is this part of PSTD?

    I feel like I'm going to end up in a mental ward.
     
    #95 greg56, Oct 24, 2012
  16. Rachyl

    Rachyl Guest

    No Greg that sounds a lot like low blood sugar, I should know I am diabetic. You need to eat something quickly, or drink some juice.:icon_sad:

    ---------- Post added 24th Oct 2012 at 05:38 PM ----------

    My PTSD comes in waves of depression, where I want to die, or insane rages where I want to destroy things. It does suck.
     
    #96 Rachyl, Oct 24, 2012
  17. greg56

    greg56
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    Thanks...will give it a try

    ---------- Post added 24th Oct 2012 at 10:16 PM ----------

    I know this is going to sound freaky, but, why change anything now?

    The only "juicy" thing I could find was Peach Schnaaps! Seemed to do the trick.

    greg
     
    #97 greg56, Oct 24, 2012
  18. Rachyl

    Rachyl Guest

    Because YOU need it. Trust me on this I may be only 42, but dammit I am going to live whatever years I have left, as being true to who and what I am. I am GAY. I hate that I have hurt so many people who are so wonderful and don't deserve me coming out like this and such. But YOU and I both have to be true to ourselves, you have to, because living with secrets like this and others *we both understand what* having been destroying us inside. The only way to heal and love ourselves again is to be ourselves. TRUE selfs. Whatever they may be. You are a wonderful amazing person Greg, and I am one of the lucky few that you can call a friend. YOU are worth being happy(*hug*)
     
    #98 Rachyl, Oct 24, 2012
  19. greg56

    greg56
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    No, I'm not sure what you mean. Except, that yes...you've been very patient/understanding with me through my ups and downs on this page. And I do consider you a friend, I do thank you for your help and guidence. I mean really, who would have thought of low blood sugar. I thank you for that, because it seemed to do the trick.
     
    #99 greg56, Oct 24, 2012
  20. Chip

    Chip
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    Please don't give medical advice to others based on your own experiences, especially when you are not familiar with what's going on for the individual. No one, not even a qualified medical professional, should be giving diagnoses or offering treatment suggestions based on information communicated over an Internet message board as it would simply be irresponsible to do so.

    Greg, what you're experiencing is well within the realm of PTSD experiences (though at the stronger end), and given your history with PTSD is much more likely to be that than anything else.

    As I said earlier in this thread, part of the reason you're feeling all of this is, unless I have misunderstood, this is the first time you've openly talked in detail about the abuse experiences AND the sexual orientation feelings you have. Either one of those, particularly given the abuse history, could be enough to trigger very strong anxiety and stress responses, and both together are a double whammy.

    Michael is correct; in metaphoric terms, the only way out is through the "journey of the dark night of the soul."

    Your new therapist should be a substantial help, given that she has experience with abuse and trauma issues. One of the biggest things is to recognize that what you're feeling is normal, and letting out all the stuff that you sequestered away for all those years is going to create very intense feelings.

    The peach schnapps isn't a great idea. First, unless you have a history of diabetes or hypoglycemia, it is very unlikely you have blood sugar issues popping up out of the blue. Additionally, alcohol is a depressant, and given your history with overusing other substances, as well as your history of depression, it's not what you need right now.

    Ask your therapist if she can direct you to some breathing techniques or other CBT-based techniques for calming yourself when you start to feel the PTSD symptoms. In the majority of cases, cognitive approaches alone can be very effective in getting the feelings and symptoms under control, but your therapist will be able to point you in the right direction if you need more than that.

    And although it may seem pointless to keep taking steps forward, I assure you... it will feel very different before long. This is an acute, immediate response to letting out all you've kept bottled up. Once you readjust, it won't be nearly so bad.
     
    #100 Chip, Oct 24, 2012
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