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Just can't settle on anything

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by skloorrpt, Dec 27, 2020.

  1. skloorrpt

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    Thanks for the reply. I can understand what you mean when you say you didn't know any gay men you could identify with. I went to a small, private, Catholic high-school so I never really knew many gay people (that I knew of at least). There was only one guy who was pretty obviously gay. I don't think he was really out, but you could just sort of tell. I hate to stereotype, but I suppose the stereotypes come from somewhere. When my friend came out he did it to a group of friends we were drinking with one night and I remember feeling like I could relate to a lot of what he was saying. I think that my problem comes from the worry that I may just be confusing a friendship that's existed for nearly half my life at this point for something more, and I don't want to mess that up. I also don't really have anything to compare it to because I'm not really sure I've ever been "in love" with someone before so I don't really know what that's like. Sure, I thought that I've had crushes before, but they've never really felt like how I feel about my friend. I guess the main thing is I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I also kind of want to try a relationship because he's really the only person I can see myself with at this point. Anyways, I feel like I've typed all this before and I'm starting to sound like a broken record, so I'll wrap it up here. Thanks again for all your replies!
     
  2. Ghost014

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    fuck it, just jump in and see how far this rabbit hole goes. if it doesn't work then it doesn't work and at that point its like "oh well at least you tried." and if anyone gives you shit for it, just flip them off and walk away.
     
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  3. old tacoma

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    @Ghost014 — Thanks for your post. I love it!
    @skloorrpt — I gave you the advice of an old guy. Now you also have the advice of your peer, a guy almost your age.

    Your boyfriend is waiting for you...
     
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  4. skloorrpt

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    I sort of feel like I have jumped in already. I'm worried that what has already happened between us will somehow fuck up our friendship if I realize I don't actually want to continue with what we've done. When it comes to not caring what other people think, I don't know if I can do that. I have weird issues with that. I tend to care way to much what other people think or might think about me.
    When it comes to my "boyfriend" if that's what we really are now, I suppose I should talk about that with him. He's back at college now and I won't see him again for at least a few months, and I'm kind of bummed about that, he's only been gone a few days and I already miss him.
     
    #24 skloorrpt, Jan 30, 2021
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2021
  5. old tacoma

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    A lot will happen for both of you during the next few months of separation. Use this time to sort yourself out. You need to do this, first of all, for yourself, and also for him. And don’t do this alone — keep him updated!
     
  6. skloorrpt

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    He was home for winter break and it was nice to see him again after he was gone for the fall semester. I hope I can figure myself out more by the time he comes back for the summer. Strangely we haven't actually talked about us much even though we've fooled around quite a few times and taken things pretty far. For some reason talking about it, even with him, is super uncomfortable for me and obviously he already knows everything that has happened between us.
     
  7. BiBoyToy

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    I couldn't agree more. I also had a sexual (same sex) relationship with my bestfriend but it was from the beginning of middle school until the end of freshman year in high school. He was always the one making the moves. Unfortunately, we eventually started growing apart. Was this my fault? I also often wonder where him and I would be if I was more forward with him and expressed my love and asked him to be my boyfriend. Would we still be together today, maybe even married? I sometimes feel like I let the love of my life slip away.

    I would feel so much better if was able to look back and be able to say, "well, I gave it my best shot" instead of "I wonder what if."
     
    #27 BiBoyToy, Feb 6, 2021
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  8. old tacoma

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    @skloorrpt
    Your last post here, it sounds like you and your friend already have the makings (the chemistry) of way more than a friendship! For me, the surest sign is that words aren’t really adequate, but the relationship is crystal clear nonetheless.
     
  9. skloorrpt

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    I know what you mean. I feel like my friend initiates it most of the time we've done anything. I worry about growing apart as well. He's been my best friend since high school or maybe even middle school and I don't want to mess that up. I have enjoyed what has happened between us even if it was a little awkward at times.
    This growing apart is something that really worries me. He's my best friend even if it might be a little weird to have a best friend at my age. I don't want to lost that. If there is something more there I don't want to miss my chance, but I also worry that I might just be straight and now I've already gone a little too far and it would be weird if we just tried to be friends now. However at the same time I can't really see myself with anyone else at the moment. Obviously I have a lot of strange, conflicting feelings. So I don't really know what to think about all this. I mean I enjoyed what happened between me and my friend, but I just worry that I'm in some kind of weird experimental phase that I should have gone through much earlier in life and now I'm just confused and nothing else.
     
  10. skloorrpt

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    I'm not sure if that's how it is. I mean, I guess we've fooled around a bit and even had sex, but I feel like that could just be a weird experimental thing because he's the only person I feel comfortable doing that with or something. When I say it's uncomfortable I guess that I just mean that the subject is very awkward and difficult for me to talk about with anyone. I don't understand why it would be with him though because we've already messed around quite a few times.
     
  11. BiBoyToy

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    @skloorrpt I think the fact that you have never had a sexual experience with a woman is very telling. How could you possibly know that you aren't bisexual?

    I also had my first sexual experience with a man, which I enjoyed very much. However, once I had a sexual experience with a women, I enjoyed it as much as IK enjoyed my sexual experiences with women. This helped me understand that I'm bisexual and can enjoy both men and women, just in different ways.

    I know society (even the LGBTQ+ community) will make you think that it's either: straight or gay. However, I would recommend you give it time to figure out if you're bisexual or gay.
     
  12. BiBoyToy

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    "However, once I had a sexual experience with a woman, I enjoyed it just as much as I enjoyed my sexual experiences with a man."
     
  13. skloorrpt

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    Maybe, I don't know. I don't think I've ever felt like this about a woman, but then again I've never been this close with a woman. I'm not sure I'm really as into that like I think I used to be. Even when it comes to porn, the straight stuff just doesn't really do that much for me any more.
    I know I don't have to fit into one label or the other, the thing is that I don't really feel gay, but I don't feel straight either. Even bi doesn't feel quite right and kind of worries me because it seems like that would just mean that I'll never be able to settle down and actually find someone I enjoy being with without questioning that I'd be happier with a different male or female.
     
  14. QuietPeace

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    Being Bi or Pan does not mean that you cannot settle down with one person. I know plenty of Bi and Pan people who are in committed monogamous relationships. Being Bi or Pan just means that your pool of people to eventually settle down with is more varied (at least insofar as their sex/gender). If you do not think that you can settle down then polyamory is an option if you have the maturity and communications skills to make it work.
     
  15. skloorrpt

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    I don't think polyamory would be for me. I sort of feel like I'll never be able to say what my orientation is with enough confidence to actually be in a relationship with someone. Even if I was with someone I feel like I'd still doubt it and that would make me question if the "attraction" I had for the other person is real. Maybe that's a better way of putting it, or maybe I just sound like some crazy person repeating himself over and over. It's kind of starting to feel like that to me.