Oh boy, here we go again. I just can't figure any of this out. I really am starting to think that I'll never be able to say with any confidence what my sexual orientation is. Something about being straight doesn't feel quite right, but I also don't really feel "comfortable" being gay, it just feels wrong to say that for some reason. I don't really know if I'm attracted to men other than one specific friend of mine, and I don't think I feel very strongly about women either. I think this could just be a self confidence issue though. Anyways the way I feel about this friend of mine is the whole reason I started taking the confusion about my orientation so seriously. Since that's happened my friend and I have fooled around a bit, which was fine, a bit awkward the first few times, but I enjoy it I'm starting to get more used to it. We've even tried to have sex a few times, but I've had trouble keeping it up, which hasn't been an issue with any of the other stuff we've done (except for the first time we ever tried anything). It's super embarrassing and I feel bad because I know he wants to and I think I do too, but the fact that I have trouble is making me second guess myself. One thing I've noticed is that I enjoy it in the moment when it's happening, but afterwards it's almost like I can't believe it actually happened. It's like I'm surprised I would actually do something like that. This could also be because I've usually had at least a little bit to drink when we start. I don't know maybe I just have to be in the mood because a lot of times I do fantasize about it if I'm feeling a little horny. Another thing I've noticed is that I seem to obsess over this and maybe him too. I think about my orientation quite often, pretty much every day. I also think about him a lot. I think he's interested in a relationship, and I think I would be too, but I'm not sure I'm really in a good place for something like that. I just don't want to lose my chance to try it. To be honest I can't really see myself with anyone else at the moment, but that could just be because of a lack of connections with people in general. So I'm not really sure what to do.