Just an update for those that are interested

Well, it feels like so much time has passed but today is one week from us opening up our marriage for my wife to be able to date women. So far so good, she's seeing a women she met at the gym, she's known her for about 6 months. She seems nice from how my wife talks about her, I've yet to meet her but I think I do see that on the horizon. My wife is really happy, she doesn't have to .. I couldn't think of the right word then it hit me, duh.. she doesn't have to "closet" that part of her.
Not to say this is easy, the hardest part is you don't always know how you're going to feel about something until it happens. But when things/feelings pop up we talk about it and try to find a way to address those feelings. So not always easy but very doable so far.

 

Thanks, You too.

 

We talked and she would be ok with me dating, but honestly I have no desire. Just seems... more trouble than it's worth heh

 

I feel pretty good about the NRE thing, my wife is pretty well grounded plus if she did get that "this is it" thingy it would take a very long time for us to disengage from each other and I feel pretty confident that the NRE would of settled down by then. We both realize to take things slow. Nothing is going to be decided today, tomorrow, next week, or even a couple months from now. We've been married 11 years. No reason to rush things.

 

So overall things are good, but it looks like this is going to be a little harder than I was hoping. My wife and Laura had their first big relationship talk this evening, and it Seems dating a married women isn't easy on Laura :/ I think... I hope things get easier after the holidays. Right now there is just so little time. :/

 

You know, the real odd thing about this.. I'm ok with Laura, I got her and her kids a gift card for the movies. I know it's really odd but that part of things I'm really ok with. Don't get me wrong, when she's staying the night over at Laura's I do get lonely, but not jealous, and even that bit of loneliness is ok. I get a txt from my wife at the end of the night saying goodnight and that she's happy and I'm good. I just wish ... Laura was in a similar place. This morning my wife got a call from Laura and it was a bit of the same from last night, her just not being very sure about things. Her wanting to protect herself from getting hurt. This upset my wife and she was worried that she was going to breakup with her... And that just sucked for me. All of what we're doing is so she can be happy.. I just hate that I can't fix it.
Sigh, Hopefully things will get worked out this evening, they're doing Christmas tonight/tomorrow morning, not really sure actually. I just know they're doing lights with Laura's kids tonight and then my wife will be home noonish tomorrow. So at some point they're going to exchange gifts n stuff.
Thanks for the kind words but I'm not really a "pamper" kind of guy heh.. I'll be fine, I have two young kids and it's christmas time.. So I'm crazy busy/ doing Christmas stuff with them. Speaking of, time to go get them daycare.

 

Thanks and via the txt i just got "Rocky start but everything’s good now " looks like things got worked out.

 

I just want to skip ahead a month or two and get to where everyone's friends.

 

Hey update time, I finally got to meet the GF last night. We all took the kids skating. Well, I watched as everyone else tried skating heh Anyway, things went really well. We had a couple really good talks here and there over the evening, Just a lot of what's going on in your mind, how do you feel about all this, etc etc ... It was actually pretty fun, my wife was pretty confused most of the evening. She kept asking what we were talking about and I'm like You, we're talking about you duh. lol
So yah, looks like everything is good... though.. looking back over the evening I kinda wonder if she was... hinting at something... she mentioned at one point how she dated guys in the past, she said I reminded her of an old boyfriend she had, and idk.. She has a bit of a flirty vibe to her. My wife mentioned the same thing a few weeks back when she was trying to figure out if Laura liked her. I might be misinterpreting her actions but it really doesn't matter. I'm not looking to start anything up, I just find it a bit funny. What can i say Bi/lesbian girls dig me lol... jk.. well mostly. lol
So that's all for now, So far so good.

 

Hey Woods, I haven't been posting as much because nothing "new" was going on. My wife spends the night two or three times a week. ish and everyone seems to be doing good. The only real question was about Laura and I meeting, which turned out to be all on my wifes side. I think she was unsure of bringing her two worlds together, and it was causing added stress. I still check EC (ok I have to mention how funny it is to me that we call this place EC. EC was the nickname for the first gay bar I ever went to when I was a kid. Emerald City aka EC) once a day or so, just haven't seen anything that I was qualified to give an opinion on heh.
I think it was less of them wondering and more of Laura wondering, my wife and I have already talked through things like this. Just one of those weird possible situation that could pop up. It's not a hard NO but we'd both rather not any time soon. We both agree that my wife needs some room to have her own relationship, If at some point down the rd it becomes an option we'll talk about it again.
Yah I know it was really stressful on her yesterday day, I know she was the one projecting but she still had a very stressful day. Her and Laura got into a bit of a fight about it. After that I think she realized she didn't need to be stressing about us meeting and things got better. Grin, and yes we should ALL talk, but it was so much fun messing with my wife, pretty sure Laura had fun with it too. lol I'm sure at some point in the future we'll all talk, but as of right now I think everyone is on the same page (ish)
This kinda segways into your next comment about being neglected. Overall I'd say no I'm not, not to say I haven't been put on kid detail a lot more but we find other ways to make it more equal. The "ish" part of the same page is that my wife and I are still being intimate from time to time. So I'm not being neglected there, but her gf is under the impression that we haven't in a long time. I hate this, I really don't like the idea of anyone being in the dark about anything. My wife thinks that would just upset her too much.. I think after meeting her I could see that, but I can also see now that she knows me and likes me that she could be fine with it in a little time. I never lied to her last night, I told her I had intentions of keeping intimate relations with my wife. I just didn't correct her about how long it's been. For now I'm just going to respect my wifes wishes, that's her relationship and I've recommended strongly that she should be upfront about everything, but in the end it's her call. I feel pretty positive that things will get to the point where there is no deception. It just might take a little more time, a couple weeks and I think things will be worked out.
About the kids, my wife and I have talked about it. As of right now, Laura is mommies friend and that's all. As time goes on we'll adjust that as age appropriate. Last night was the first time they've met Laura. Went pretty well I think, Laura introduced herself as Laura or Lola (she said her nieces and nephews call her Lola) So I think that kinda shows the vibe we're all going with.(mommy friend/with a dash of cool aunt lol)
So that's all I know right now, my wife should be home pretty soon from Lauras and I'll have a chance to see how things went last night. See what she said about me after I left lol

 

Small update on what I just posted, my wife filled me in on how things went last night. And overall things are good, Laura only has positive things to say about me, she likes the kids and she said it was really weird that it wasn't weird, it felt pretty normal. She wasn't hitting on me, she's a bit flirty and we had a miscommunication about something lol I was asking her what kind of relationship she wanted to have with me, I was meaning what kind of friendship she wanted to have, she took it the other way a little.. but what she ended up thinking was I didn't mean it that way but she wanted to check with my wife to be sure.
So yah seems that things are going fine. Probably wait a little bit until we all hang out together again, just to be sure everyone's good. Other than that I think everyone is feeling secure in their relationships. well, as sure as you can be in this kind of situation lol So it's time to just keep going as is until there is a reason to change things.

 

UGH! so much to write but not enough time.. FYI I'm a bit high, and I live in CA and that's now legal here.... sweeeet. Anyway a lot has happened i'm just going to go chro.. chronologically did I actually spell that right?? So from the last update forward, things had been going really well (i thought) My wife was spending a decent amount of time with her GF. But still acting lovey/physically affectionate when she was with me. Not exactly sex but sexy things here and there plus the normal kiss/snuggling kind of pda ( I was just thinking of why i'm going into so much detail, I think posting on here is a little bit like a Blog or journal entry for me. Helps me get all my thoughts out and I look over them again later.) So that was going on for probably around 4 or 5 days, my wife and Laura were having a ton of sex, but we were still romantically involved.

Bleh I need to speed this post up, I need to get back to laundry.

Ok so In a nut shell, after these 4 or so days my wife tells me that she's sure she's gay and not bi. I feel like a lot of you out there get an "I told you so". That's fair, but I still say it was worth it. So after she tells me this things go a bit south. I couldn't find a way to make a marriage work with out any kind of romantic connection. So that turned into me getting pretty depressed for a couple days, and out of the many things my wife is good at, dealing with depressed people is not one of them. She doesn't understand it so she gets upset. Which in turn she takes out on me and then since i'm already not in a good place I get upset with her.. and the cycle keeps going.. On the third day of this cycle things got to the point of lets go find lawyers and child custody things.. Just not a good spot. I was starting to speak out of hurt/anger and it wasn't helping the situation.

I kinda skipped where we tried to figure out what it meant for us now that's she gay. We had come up with the idea of getting a larger apartment and we'd get seperate bedrooms. We talked about this type of thing when I was trying to find a way that I could still feel this was a marriage.

Anyway, I'm going to skip a little and get straight to what's going on now. We ended up talking late into the night last night and we're going to give the larger apartement thing a go. We're going to keep trying to figure out something that can work for both of us. As of right now, my wife and I aren't in a romantic relationship. (ish) She's still good with some kinds of physical affection, hugging, holding hands, kiss on the cheek, Other things fall into the no, no sex, no .. french kissing? (lol that sounds funny to type) No overly sexual touching. But a lot of things she's still figuring out how she feels. Currently she's ok (ish) with kisses on the lips, she was fine with us showering together this morning. We did end up sleeping in the same bed last night, not because we're going to keep sleeping in the same bed but because neither of us felt strongly enough to go sleep on the kids beds lol The plan is when she feels something isn't "natural" (btw isn't that an odd word to use in the context of sexual things) She'll let me know

So I'm trying to think if should mention anything else.... Two quick things, This one is funny, My wife complains to me about how Laura overreacts and is just so temperamental.. I told her, welcome to dating women The second thing is that my wife is trying to find something that works for both of us. I asked her kinda joking if she would mind if I tried to find her a GF that wasn't so put off by her being married, and that i would get along with. She said yes. heh

Yep that's it I think, it's been an eventful couple of days.

 

I'm going to go for a bit, trying to get the place clean.. after christmas and new years plus all the drama there is a lot cleaning to do lol. I'll be sure to log back in this evening tho, my wife's at her GFs so I got plenty of bored time in the evening to log back in and answer any questions.

reminder to self: I have a question for about being gay

 

Taking a quick break.
Thank you I did ok, but it wasn't easy and to be honest I'm not sure that I'll handle the next thing any better. I'm really hoping that with some stability and taking more time to change things I'll be better able to deal with it. We have a deal that for two months no changing shit. Lol I'll respond more next break.