its difficult to be yourself

We come in all shapes and sizes and all political affiliations. Stereotypes were extremely unhelpful to me in that they impeded me from recognising that I fall within the LGBT family.

 

Although I will add that in recognising that I am part of a minority group that remains stigmatised - in some places more than others - I have leaned further left than I probably otherwise would be...

 

Yes you're correct ... I started a thread on this subject a while ago that still surfaces now and then. My theory about this is that the LGBT movement started in the 60s and 70s as a legitimate political movement to fight against active discrimination against sexual minorities. More radical elements pushed for the overthrow of fundamental institutions such as religion and the nuclear family on the basis that they were "paternalistic" and "homophobic" and the more moderate folks within the movement were basically shunted aside with the labels you mention. And a lot of guys saw LGBT identity and lilberation primarily as a means to have a ton of NSA sex (which of courrse opened the door to the AIDS epidemic), so they're happy to have things stay as they are. Today there is still a strong remnant of this earlier influence, although the legalization of gay marriage is I think pushing things toward a more moderate mix, albeit slowly. And of course there is a visible and crazy anti-day element on the political right which just gives impetus to keep the whole merry-go-round spinning.

 

This really depends where you live and how easy access you have to a fairly LGBT population.

When people say "gay community" it usually means "these group of people in this meeting or event". Its not like every single LGBT is coming up to you and letting you know this and this.

If a straight person says "Agh, the straight community is so rude!" What would that mean?

So, find the LGBT spaces that are right for you and start from there.

There are LGBT republicans meetings. Some local republican clubs also have LGBT caucuses. Go to that if you want to find your people.

A LOT of welcoming churches have LGBT bible studies. Go to that to find your people.

After you find your people, and only if you want, you can set up ways on how to improve your local community. Do you want to have some education on how to solve the religious questions for other LGBT people? Come up on how to do that. If you want to have a round table of spiritual leaders and LGBT community leaders on how to be better allies to each other, then do that.

 

This is actually not true at all.

Conservative LGBT people were never part of the original LGBt liberation movement. They were never "kicked out" or "shunned" because they were never there. LGBT conservative people at the very beginning were against the movement. They believe that laying low and keeping sex a private part of life was not only necessary for survival for also morally the correct thing to do. They were against protesting, the riots, and the LGBT liberation movement joining efforts with way more liberal movements at the time. They were also against fighting the police.

Wrong. EVERYONE at the time was having crazy amounts of sex. Seriously, in american history its called the sexual revolution for a reason. Look it up.

Before the liberation movement started gay sex was illegal. Having sex and lots of it was seen as a political statement by many people. Also, it was fun as hell. People didn't need the LGBT movement to have a lot of sex. They needed it so they wouldn't be incarcerate for having it, beat up walking home or killed.

Taking everything I mentioned above, the people who showed up to do the hard work leaned to certain other political ideologies.

The activist that would put their lives in danger for LGBT rights didn't stop just at caring about LGBT rights. They cared about other societal problems and got involved. So some spaces are more left leaning because its the right thing to care about other struggles and the people leading those movements cared.

 

"If one is not young and Liberal one has no heart.
If one is not old and Conservative one has no brains."
I fall in this category.
I have always been a Lincoln Republican but that does not mean I never developed a Liberal view on what is morally correct for the majority of civilized society and I am agnostic on my views towards organized religion.
There has been a trend since the Reagan Era to divide people into two Classes rather than two Political Parties.
The far left takes the Liberal socialist course of equality for all regardless how wrong their views may be on many issues and the far right follows the God is my Shepard do as he says line again taking the view that everything in the bible is set down as THE literal playbook for living ones life.
I take a moderate approach to the whole thing and as a proud American believe in Pro Choice on ALL issues, Constitutional Law and Bill of Rights as unbridgeable and states united but separated by laws created by those states for those states based on public desires in individual government.
Rodney King said it best, "Can't we all just get along?"

 

To give a bit more context to what I was saying, here is a statement from the Mattachine Society who was an old-school organization that was around before the stonewall area. They were against the riots and were for supporting gay guys as a secret society of sorts. Support but in the closet and without making too much noise. When the LGBT liberation happened, they got left behind by the newer activist who wanted to be out, care about other struggles, change the law, and fight not for survival but for acceptance.

Also important to say they were supporting gay guys and not the LGBT community. They didn't allow women for a long time and were against trans guys.

 

But why then did the AIDS epidemic hit the gay-male community so hard but not straight people? I'm not sure it was because of the mechanics of anal sex because in Africa the AIDS epidemic is overwhelmingly a heterosexual epidemic.

 

This is a fairly complex public health incident that is far harder to explain in a post, but there are amazing documentaries out there that try and explain it. But yes, the way anal sex works is a variable to the equation. When it comes to Africa, is a lack of public health infrastructure that allowed the disease to flourish and colonization. Not all parts of Africa were affected the same for this reason.

I can try to find some accessible documentaries or articles about it, but the point is that lgbt people and straight people had a fairly similar amount of sex. Some will say straight people had more since gay sex was still punishable by law and people had to hide.

 

It would be interesting to see a report from a respected and neutral source on this conundrum because otherwise it's hard to separate out fact from politically motivated third-party characterizations. I don't want to hijack the thread, but hopefully this exchange has some relevance to the OPs' point.

 

Okay, so it was harder to find things that are not behind a paywall than I would like. So dumb. Here are a couple of resources for you to get started.

Main points:

• Anal sex transmits the virus A LOT faster than vaginal sex
• Gay guys were not using protection (condoms, pulling out, etc) as much as straight couples due to not worrying about pregnancies (also includes
• Gay guys were having sex in smaller circles so the virus could go around faster
• Stigma kept gay people from going to hospitals and getting needed help
• Stigma also kept the government dormant on this plague until straight people started getting it,which greately affected the tools that were available to combat it.

Couple of easily digestible articles about it:

https://endinghiv.org.nz/blog-events/gay-men-hiv-risk

https://hab.hrsa.gov/livinghistory/issues/Gay-Men.pdf

Found this documentary that tries to explain the orginis of HIV and its foothold in Africa due to colonization in many countries:

https://pulitzercenter.org/reporting/bloody-truth-premiere-documentary-origins-hiv

Hopefully that helps you in the beginning of your research

 

mpw94

I have only been a sort of member of the LGBQT community for a couple years now. But, I have three gay siblings and have been on the fringes of it for awhile. My view is that there is a core group that seems to be sort of exclusive. There is a way to act, to dress, to think. (Try being a married bisexual guy at gay ski week and you will be bombarded with this) But, I think you also see this with any subset of society. Liberals, Evangelicals, Conservatives, Rednecks etc. You will find a core group that is into the definition of what it means to be part of that subset. But, I think the larger community is really made up of a mixture of everyone.

That said. I think the LGBQT community has, for so long, been discriminated against, threatened and mistreated. Let's be honest here. The liberal side of US politics has been far more LGBQT friendly than the conservative side. So, it is not surprising that many of us find ourselves on the liberal side of the spectrum.

It is hard to speak up. I think it goes with the territory of feeling that we needed to hide for so long. So, I think sometimes the voices of those of us that are different don't get heard. But, I don't think it's malicious. When you do speak up, I bet you find more acceptance than you might think.

 

Thanks, Smurf. Still doesn't explain why AIDS was never a straight disease in the US but it is in Africa or really deal with the so-called "Patient Zero" who starts off the seminal "And the Band Played On." But, yea, I think the real purpose of this thread was the community's penchant for brow-beating anyone who doesn't fall in line with the orthodoxy (or at least that's my take on it and in the longish thread I started a while ago). And in that regard, I'll let the record can speak for itself.

 

Did you read the article? Did you look into the documentary?

Right from the excerpt even if you didn't want to watch the whole thing:

"Researchers explore the colonial history of the Congo to explain how HIV spread. In the early twentieth century, anxious not to lose the indigenous labor they exploit, the colonial authorities launch mass vaccination campaigns against sleeping sickness, often using inadequately sterilized syringes."

Colonization. People being used as things for greed is what allowed many countries in Africa to be ravaged by the disease. Its all right there. You can't compare straigth population in the US with the continent of Africa because of colonization...

Anyway, hope this helps you a bit OP

 

Back to the original question, I don't know when it happened, but I feel it too. And even note the replies that there are LGBT republican or religious groups, so go find "your people" (my emphasis), not "welcome to the community as a whole". You're not required to immerse yourself in the gay community, and you may be happier being involved in the same things you always were, just letting people know that by the way, you're gay. Being true to yourself does not mean reinventing yourself to be acceptable. That's just switching closets.

 

YES!! No more closets for ANY purpose.

 

I get where you are coming from, but you know how unrealistic is the thought that you can be welcomed into "the gay community" as a whole? Such a thing does not exist. One single gay community doesn't exist and there is no gay council to accept your membership. All we have is pockets of gay people coming together and doing their thing. It would be like going to a roman Catholic church and asking "If we are all straight, why can't you accept me for being protestant?" You would be told "There is nothing wrong with that, but we made this place for catholic people. If you want people that think and believe what you do, then you have to go find them"

Finding your people just means finding the people who you have something in common with.

This is exaclty why you are all here on EC. You guys found your people in some fashion. You went through different forums, checked the cultlure of each forum, and decided that you liked what you saw on EC. You chose this pocket of queer people to join it. That's exactly what finding your people means. AND you can do this in real life too!

I cannot kick you or welcome you into the grand gay community because one does not exist. I am sad that you all feel so alone and shunned tho. The reason why I keep replying and not simply ignoring these type of threads is because I want you all to have your own LGBT people who you can hang out with, count on and relate to. I want you all to get from your offline lives what you get from EC. Its possible, but yes you have to go and find your people. Just like you did with this forum

 

I wonder if some of this feeling of not finding a place to be gay is partly because of the portrayal of gays (especially gay men) on TV. We are bombarded with the stereotype of how a gay man is supposed to act. Look at Will and Grace for example. I cannot stand watching that show with my wife because I feel I always have to explain that the characters do not represent how I feel.

Even with a wonderful group of other married gay and bi men, the activities are "gay approved". A visit to a drag show, or tour of antique shops, jokes about fashion or decorating etc. I'm just a guy with messy hair, frumpy clothes and a penchant for outdoor adventure. I also am attracted to men. I feel I don't really fit in.

I think many of us feel we need to belong since we spent so much of our lives feeling like outcasts that we hope we can just be gay and everyone will high five us and we will have that acceptance we never had. Sadly, it doesn't work that way.

What I have found though, even attending the "gay sanctioned" events is that there are guys like me there that feel the same way and I have met some wonderful folks. As Smurf said, we each need to find our people...they are there.