Is it too late - Am I in too deep?

Whilst I agree with @Aryana I that children are extremely important and that they should be your (and your husbands) first priority, for example, throughout any separation process. I do think being guided by what’s best for them, without consideration for yourself and your relationship, isn’t necessarily going to result in the best scenario for the children.

You have to look after your own well-being, in order to look after your children to the best of your ability. If staying will have a negative impact on your mental health, as it did on mine, then it might be in everyone’s interests for you to leave. Also, children aren’t stupid and will pick up on tensions in a relationship, so staying for the children is not always the best way forward. Two happy, separated parents are often better than two miserable, coupled parents.

I’m not saying that children are less important than other factors, but that there’s lots to consider and those things (i.e, you, husband, children, etc.) should all be considered together.

I also don’t think that any of us are implying that a particular route guarantees happiness. They all have their own challenges and problems - some children do struggle when their parents separate, so how it’s handled is very important. It’s a very complex decision and making it about primarily one factor is a simplistic approach, which doesn’t take everything into account, particularly how hard it is to keep up the pretence of a heterosexual relationship, when it’s not what you really want.

 

Hi @Aryana I

Not sure if you’re last post was directed at me, but just wanted to clarify. I don’t think that I said anything regarding what you said about staying or leaving.

My perspective was more that sometimes you need to put yourself first, i.e. to prevent poor mental health, resentment in a relationship, etc., in order to do what’s best for your children.