Is denial a very powerful thing ?

I spent most of my life in denial of my sexuality. I was practically asexual in high school. I had no interest in dating or sex, or at least I though I didn't. I would check out all the guys in the locker room and have crushes on my male friends without even realizing what I was doing.

I discovered porn in college, and within a year or two it had switched from straight to gay, but I still couldn't consider myself gay. I was still waiting for the woman to come along with whom I would fall madly in love...it never happened.

 

Definitely. I probably start to notice that i'm possibly gay when I was about 10 years old or something. I always knew something was different about me than the other girls I know for years but I don't what that was. I basically grew up in a religious background and community, so the thought i'm gay never crossed my mind. But when it finally did, I kept telling myself that it was a phase since I was entering puberty and i'm just getting mixed feelings and I thought everyone else are experiencing these feelings like I am. I always tried to ignore the possibility and ignoring how different I feel when i'm with girls who I might've liked.

Then when I finally finished 7th grade, I came into terms that I am most definitely not straight. But again, it took me about 2 more years (until the past summer) to finally come to terms that i'm positively gay. I kept having self-doubt that i'm a lesbian, so I kept telling myself i'm bi just because I liked guys before (but all platonically or forced). Sadly I even 'liked' my closest guy friend who i've heard has a crush on me (and was quite serious about it too, I'm planning to come out to him soon because he's my closest guy friend. Good luck to me :help. So in total, it took me nearly 5 years to come to terms of my sexuality.