Invisible lesbian syndrome

Yes we are :icon_bigg




But yeah, this thread is my life, as a female loving female. I don't understand it, But gay women don't notice me. I think I seem pretty gay. I dress pretty casually most of the time. I am a jeans and t shirts kind of person. I am not found of dresses, I wear them sometimes but lately I really haven't wanted to. I am very relaxed and casual in my mannerisms. I don't scream butch, But I definitely am no femme. I am the kind of person that just fades into the background. It kinda of sucks. Most straight people who don't know me are surprised to find out I am gay. Some aren't. But those who are surprised usually are guys, which I think is strange. But whatever.

I really want to be able to attract women more easily but I DON't Want TO CHANGE MY APPEARANCE DRASTICALLY in order to do so. It kind of pisses me off really that the type of girls that gay women seem to like are: Really Masculine, High femme, OR boyish Androgynous. I fit none of these. I really dislike most of the Dyke subculture. I am one of the most fiercely independent people you will ever meet and there is nothing I hate more than conforming to anything. Not only that, but I am so freaking socially awkward, meeting women is highly stressful for me. I am an INTP personality. Highly introverted, and strange. Another thing that might be giving women mixed signals is that fact that I consider myself Non-gendered or agender. I don't know if that falls under the Gender queer category but I literally feel like I have no gender on the inside. I have a very neuter identity but I look female. I don't have an issue with my physical body or anything. I guess the best way to describe it is that I feel like a robot. Sometimes I feel like I should accept that I may never find anyone because of all these factors. Does anyone else feel like that?:icon_sad:

 

honestly, invisibility is why i turned to online dating. i have long hair, i love dresses and skirts, and despite my refusal to wear makeup or heels, i always seem to come off looking super girly. doesn't matter what rainbow stuff i wear or if i openly hit on other gay women, i still get pegged as straight. so, i figured maybe it would be easier online if i can clearly self-identify as gay. it took awhile and a lot of unstable or nutty people, but it worked out for me in the end. i'm now happily in a loving relationship, and whether or not people can tell i'm gay doesn't matter very much to me anymore.

 

This pretty much describes my life, except I'm a little bit more femme in the way I present (I love skirts/dresses, make-up, etc. etc.). But other than that, yeah, everything you said is on point--I feel like I have no gender, so I'm sort of internally androgynous, but... I really don't want to change the way I dress. I'm not willing to give up my femme aesthetic! But I'm not a high femme, so I guess I don't look like a lesbian... I feel so unnoticed and invisible to gay women. I probably scream straight girl to them if they just look at me. It doesn't help that I have a hard time making eye contact with an attractive woman for more than five seconds without looking away and blushing like an idiot. The "dyke look" is something I just don't have the confidence to pull off yet. (*hug*)