In "Love" With My Therapist

I did not say you were a fit for NPD or antisocial personality disorder. What I *said* was that you were exhibiting traits (a complete lack of empathy or interest in the impact of your decisions/choices) that are consistent with the spectrum of those disorders, which is an accurate statement. Now you're suddenly claiming remorse and empathy, when, if you look at the posts above, you not only exhibited none of that, you actively rejected it. That, in itself, can be an indicator that is consistent with disorders on those spectrums.

All of that said, it is also true that no one can or should diagnose anyone on the Internet, and it wasn't my intent to do that.

And now you're saying that you don't want to tell your therapist that you're gay, or that you have feelings for him, because you're afraid he might (correctly) terminate therapy with you?

Wow. Just wow.

You really, truly, honestly don't get it at all.

Your therapist can't help you if you aren't truthful with him. Therapy is a complete waste of time if there's a huge elephant in the room you won't talk about. It's going to affect the anxiety, you're supposedly being treated for. It's going to affect your interactions with him. It's going to affect everything that happens in the therapy room. Additionally, as has been stated ad nauseum by just about everyone in this thread, the therapeutic relationship has already been hopelessly compromised by his sloppy boundaries and your (either lying now, or lying then) description of what went on.

So the truth is, he's not doing you a service as far as therapy, and now you're essentially paying (however much you're paying) because you have the hots for this guy and have this ridiculous unrealistic hope. That is not helping you at all; it's a complete waste of your time and money, it's disingenuous, and it's, quite frankly, pretty insulting and manipulative toward your therapist.

You need another therapist. One you aren't attracted to. And I assure you, there are plenty of good therapists that you'll connect with just as well, and, in fact, probably better, since this guy has such shitty boundaries. And if, by some miracle, you actually decide to do something that makes sense for once, it would be wise to talk to the new therapist about all the stuff that's been brought up in this thread, as it will actually be really useful in getting you the help you need. There's clearly a lot going on, way more than simple anxiety, that you could really benefit from working through with a qualified therapist that hasn't got screwed up boundaries and that you aren't attracted to.

But unfortunately, the bottom line seems to be, you don't give a crap about anything, including your own therapy and well being, other continuing to be in this guy's presence because you have the hots for him. And that's really incredibly sad, because you're simply wasting everyone's time, including your own.