In love with my straight best friend

So I decided to block him so that I don't get calls or text messages from him. This happen a week ago. And I've been doing fine. I don't think about him as much, but today I just feel like reaching out to him. Then again, there's not much for us to talk about. He became very cold and distant from me. I feel that whatever we had, it was fun while it lasted. Whether he loved me or not, I know what it is like to love someone unconditionally even if it was not reciprocated. I just can't wait for time to pass and for me to finally get over him. Btw, I did not tell him I was going to block him. So I wonder if he texts me or I wonder if he misses me? Regardless, although I want to contact him, I am not going too. Hope it's the best decision for us both

 

I told a 2 of my good friends about my friend and I. I just feel like I am betraying him because I told him I would never say anything. I just needed to vent to someone and hear their perspective on all of this.

 

You guys are right. It has definitely helped with me putting an end to all of this. Don't get me wrong, at times I do feel like texting him,but then again we have nothing to talk about. Today I was being a stalker and went on his twitter and he twitted this "I've had enough, see you when I see you." And "don't expect a Leo to beg you for anything, we have too much pride." Don't know if he is referring to me, but I feel like he might be. I just hope he is ok and that he finds that one special girl that will make him change.

 

Hope you guys are all enjoying the holidays. The pain has slowly decrease. I can finally say I am moving on with my life and I am happy again. I however, text him yesterday and I told him I didn't want to carry out situation over to the new year and that I wanted to forget everything. I told him it'll be best if we don't talk again just so that we don't go through this again in the new year. I then changed my mind and I told him that I would give him another chance at trying to quit his addiction. But that he had to wanted it not just me. I told him that it's not fair for me to waste my time and energy on something that he may not want. He said he does want to quit. So should I try to ho him? This time I want to be a true friend and really try to help him quit. I won't be going him money or offering money for my sexual pleasures. I just don't want him to end up dead. We are suppose to talk tomorrow but in all honesty I am afraid. Idk if he is lying to me about wanting to quit. I care for him, but it's different know. I now realize that him and I are not meant to be together. We both deserve better. Should I give it one last shot and try to get him to quit? I pretty much told him that I would try to help him get clean, or for us not to talk again and just got our ways. Him telling me he wants to get clean tells me that he might want too, otherwise he would of been ok with is going our separate ways. What's should I do?

 

So him and I did not talk but we did text. I told him it's eat if we go our separate ways and that there won't be any hard feelings. I said I would much rather forget what was said and what we did and not worry about you or what you take. Hi was very understanding. He told me that he was sorry things had to end up the way they did and that he wises nothing but the best for me. He said that regardless of what happen, he still consider me a good friend and that I was a good person with a good heart. He said that it's hard for him because it left him a scar and that he will get over it eventually. He apologized for his behavior and his mistakes. He said that the only thing he regrets was me giving head. I apologize for everything and I told him that I am trying to forget it all so it's eat if we no longer bring it up. He said that he was going to quit doing drugs and that he wanted to do it so he can show me that he can quit. I told him that there is nothing that I could do for him. Whether we talk or not I still want him to quit doing drugs. I feel like all of this summarizes our story. We are both going separate ways and it kills me but I am doing so much better now. I can finally breathe again. Really looking forward for my new journey and just learning to be happy for myself

 

So on twitter today he tweeted "it's funny how who was just a stranger last year, can mean so much to you now. It's terrible that someone who meant so much to you last year, can be just a stranger now. Ts amazing what a year can do." & "it is what it is. Accept it and move on" and my favorite one "emotions? You mean that thing woman and gays have?"
I feel like those are all directed towards me. It doesn't really matter now I have not contacted him and I am moving on

 

Resu, thank you for replying. Today, I cannot lie. I could not stop thinking about what he tweeted. I wanted to contact him but I didn't. Last night I had a dream about him so that is why I went on twitter this morning to see if he had tweeted anything about me and that is when I saw his tweets. Although I am trying my hardest to move on, I still miss and think about him. It felt so real to me. Idk how or why, but it just did. I don't think it was something that was just made up by my mind. Now that I look back, I cannot believe the way I acted or we both acted. I mean, we literally hated each other, yet we both couldn't let go. I still cannot believe that my best friend would let me suck his dick for money. I cannot believe I asked him to let me do it. I cannot believe I did. I'm not proud of it. Idk, all of that happened has been insane. I am finally finding peace within myself. I know I said this before, but I seriously cannot wait till I move on and forget about him completely. To the point where I no longer think or dream about him. Every night, I pray for him. I ask God to help him find his way. To help him quit his drug addiction. I hope he find a girl that will truly make him happy. He really is an amazing guy and deserves nothing but the best. I don't hate him, not will I ever. Although he used me and I used him, and we hate each other, we both share some amazing memories. I remember back in HS he would always make me late to school. I would pick him up from home but he would take forever to do his hair lol then we have our soccer memories, partying memories, etc. now that I look back, we share a lot of memories together. We both grew apart. It's not his fault or my fault, it's life. And there is nothing that we can do about it, but accept it and move on.