Im sorry to disappoint you guys

Pete, there's nothing to put up with as far as I'm concerned. You've earned the right to be proud of yourself, and I know I admire you and everyone else here going through this journey. Some of us thought it was just easier to conform when we got into a heterosexual marriage, but the reality we all learned is it is anything but easy, especially when we stop hiding from ourselves. I for one will begin talking to someone this week about how to move along my own path. The stakes are high, but the cost of doing nothing is unbearable.

 

Hi,

You are tribe, you are a friend. No bother at all.

Tom

 

Peter,

This is not an easy ride... There is some other support group for people in our exact situation. One of them that was particularly useful to me was HOW (HOW is a list for gay/bi- men, married to women and out to their wives). On that list (that is really a mailing list), the only condition is to be out (or intend to be out) to your wife. There are guys on the list that succeed to stay married and monogamous, some have open relationship and some divorced but still stay on the list to share there experience with others. Similarly as here, the guys on the list do not judge your decisions/actions they only share their own experience. The member of the HOW group are doing national gathering as well as mini-gathering to be able to discussed in a face to face environment.

If you are interested, I can give you more information.

Good luck in your journey,
Tommy

 

That's so very true....The closet is a mighty damn lonely and isolated place to be, but after years and years, that confinement also becomes very safe and familiar. When you come out, it's like you suddenly feel on display, and all the people and situations and emotions that you've been insulated from for years are all right there, ganging up on you. And whatever might have passed as a real-life support network is usually long gone as well, because you've erased all traces of its existence.

We've all said this many times, here in this thread and privately, but whether you stay with her or leave is none of our business and we're not here to be disappointed if you stay with her, or excited if you leave her. You are our friend and one of the people traveling the same road as we are. We hope that whatever you decide, whenever you decide it, it's the path that makes you feel the most like a real, living, happy person. That's what we want for ourselves, and it's what we want for the people we love and care about, whether it's spouses, children, or the friends here at EC. So keep talking with your therapist and keep thinking about how you can bring the most to your life, and to the lives of those you love. We'll be here to support you along the way, because we care about you and we love you--and our own personal journeys aren't really much different from yours.... (&&&)

 

Pete - It's a big scary world out there. For me there were a lot or what if's:

Will my wife and I stiil be friends
What about the children
My wife makes 3X's what I make
She has almost all the friends and all the sympathy
My mates may desert me. Some have.
What if I get sick
Where will I live
At this stage of life will I find a loving stable relationship

All are tough questions and anyone is enough to drive one back to the closet and lock the door. You've not closed the door. The genie's out nof the bottle as far as your wife's concerned. I admire your wishing to honor your vows, but as my rector said is it a true marriage if part of one is longing for an "other"?

As I've said you'll find no disappointment or condemnation here, you are one of us, handing your situation as best you can. I've nothing but admiration for you. Y ou always cared for and loved here.(&&&)

 

Hi Pete
I consider myself to be in the same boat as you -
want to be living out as gay, etc but cant as of circumstances, well, and a lot of pain) - it would be easier if lots of gay dudes about, but know none (well 2, both out of bounds).
Local support groups? ha, nothing like that exist here.. (have tried it with mates, but no play, or i not a good chatterupper!)
I'm worried that I will never manage to explore myself, and that will end up going totally ott as a result, Family is really really important - it could only work for me now, if either had affair, or she accepted me with bf, or i have to drop it.. eek. me leaving and not being the parent of our kids - I just don't think I can do that, could only work if could have some dreamland majikal thing, where she does my ironing, and off i go to work an play.. - don't think that happen lol

if you both understand that your living together as thats what you want, but that there is still a chance that at some undetermined point int he future.. hmm, nope as you have said, cant do that.....

I got together with her thinking I was gay, but knowing she loved me, and I love here, and that perhaps that woudl save me once and for all, and that if even not, that I woudl stick it anyhow, as I did actually decide this..
here now 7 years later, we love each other more than ever, but I am still pulled even more than ever also - not sure how it will ever work for myself, and dread that (as do you worry also ) that itl end up messy, real messy, affair, rowing, problems money all gone down the pan... arg.
Yes, so I am quite relieved to read your staying together - that gives me hope, and sorry if my post does not reciplicate.
hmm perhaps a better job, and two houses.. hmm. bolloks, stuck myself up again!
so im going wiht eyeliner and mascare 247 instead for the time being.. explore some colour, get a few tattos, heck I dont even really really know (oh but i do) if im gay, so why waste all of our lives, on what is just a desire?
it sounds like you are really into your wife (I love mine, but not for the sex)

I'm scared and worried that I will never manage to fully be gay, ie have a gay full time relationship, and that I will only wreck all our lives by trying.
If you really love each other, then yes, why waste all that for an empty flat? -

Is this a reoccuring thing, wanting to leave, but then wanting to stay again?

a safe home is a good thing, and its our fatherly duty to look after our kids, and if you can not be gay+out, and be happy, then that's great -

anyhow, i was trying to help, but am prob just to coloured by my situation to be of any assistance, but i echo above, congratulations and the best of luck to you!

Give it a couple of months?

- I'm not intending to leave, but would have to if things happened and it snowballed, but of course I would be made to come back,, that's my fear, (shotgun wedding lol) - she sais she would not as it would not work, but im not sure about her family lol...

my post is stupid, and is wasting space on your screens, and minds., please ignore me moaning in the corner here..