I came out as non-binary. My parents are fine with it. I asked for a binder. They said I need to love my body. Easier said than done. Mom even said she’d use they/them if I did. Geez, sure making a deal with the devil, huh? Now, I need some way to get a binder. I know about all the free sites and stuff, but thing is, that would still ship to my house. And I’m not home 24/7. I’m usually pretty reckless, but if my parents catch me trying to secretly get a binder, I’m toast. I use sports bras right now, but they don’t work half as effectively. I would be fine with that if I could do other stuff, like change my name, but nope. Parents won’t let me do that, either. And for all they said they’d do, dad hasn’t called me “they/them” a SINGLE TIME. So, I need a binder. But... how?
Can you check the FAQ on any of the websites you're looking at to see if they may have discreet packaging (the package wouldn't say where it's from), or would getting a package raise enough flags by itself? Are you out to any friends or other family that would be okay receiving the package for you if you put their address instead of yours? However, if you think you'll be "toast" if they find out, I am a little bit worried about how you'd keep it a secret from them permanently (storing it, wearing it, washing it etc). How long ago did you come out to them? If it was very recently, I may give them a little more time. If not, then I'd try to explain it to them ( at least your mom) about the feelings and body issues surrounding being nonbinary. Perhaps you could search for youtube videos to see if you could find one where somebody explains it super well and show them the video? And explain to them what a binder is, why people wear them, the issues some people have with them and the precautions you'd take?
If you can get an amazon gift card get that. Then find a binder that fits you on amazon and order it with the gift card. Try to stay home the day it ships so you can get it right when it delivers so your parents don't get it before you. The package should come in a small box and it shouldn't look like there's a binder in it. If you need to order something else or have something in your room use it incase your parents ask what was in the box. Good Luck!
There's plenty of methods you could try if you can't get a binder. There's the sports bra method. Different sports bras can be better than others as well, and I recommend one's like UnderArmour, or ones with more elastane/spandex material. Also finding one's that doesn't have the built-in cups work much better for binding. You can also look at this thread regarding different binding methods and how to do it safely: https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/binding-resources-and-sites-to-buy-binders.456242/ You can also take a look at Hudson's Guide to Safe Binding: http://www.ftmguide.org/binding.html Do not try and make a DIY binder as you can easily crack ribs, can cause long-term breathing and back problems. And ALWAYS give your body a break. Do not bind for longer than 8 hours, and take it off if you're in pain.
