How To Handle Being A Transsexual!

I've just realised - I don't want to talk about my gender dysphoria and what sucks about being trans. It's just a reminder that I have this horrible burden of a female body...ugh!

---------- Post added 20th Dec 2013 at 02:33 PM ----------

Yes I am going to start changing the way I dress. It will only be small changes at a time though so it feels manageable

 

That;s exactly the approach you should be taking

 

Yeah see you say those things and all I hear is

"I'M NOT ACTUALLY TRANS"

Seriously.

Not ONE of those things suggests that you are. You LIKE your male body, you DON'T want to be a woman in any way. Frankly, from that you sound like you could be the single luckiest female to male trans person in history, but you certainly don't sound it the other way around.

More importantly you don't have to do ANY of those things. EVER. NOT ONE. In fact, you SHOULDN'T because you don't want to.

 

Ok...this is confusing. So what makes you think you are trans?
Actually, this might be more useful.

1.Tell us what you will hate about having to live as a woman apart from having to have the surgery and change your body. (not because you will be transsexual but something like 'I don't want to be referred to as she/her/miss/madam etc)

2.Tell us why you know that you can't live your life as a man ( again, not just because you are transsexual. For example: 'I don't want to wear men's clothes' Actually that's not a very good example because you could still wear men's clothes but be a woman. How about 'I don't want to have facial hair')

 

Yeah seriously this. I don't mean to be an asshole, but I need to agree with ElliaO. If you like your male body, don't want to transition, and don't want to live as a woman, then why the fuck do you think you're trans in the first place? How do you define dysphoria, anyway? You keep saying you have it, but the more you sit back and give us nothing to work with to try and help you out, the more convinced I am you don't actually know what that word means. Ellia and I both experience chest dysphoria, in different ways - I feel like my chest shouldn't be there and its presence provides me with the worst discomfort, it hits me on all levels, physical, emotional, you name it. When I wake up in the morning and look down at myself, I want to cocoon up and just stay put until I starve to death or transform magically into something more appealing.

If you came to us going "you know I really want to wear makeup and have boobs and have people hold open doors for me, but this all feels really wrong and I wish I just thought like a normal guy" that would be one thing. But right now, I don't know what else to say. You've given none of us any reason to think you're trans. There's just no evidence to support your insistent claims. Saying "but I'm a woman in a man's body and I need to transition to fix my brain body mismatch" doesn't say anything if you follow it up with "but I like my male body, I don't want to transition, I really don't feel like dressing or living like a woman". I'm sorry if that all sounds harsh, but I'm just calling it like I see it.

---------- Post added 20th Dec 2013 at 02:54 PM ----------

Those are good questions anonym!

 

This whole SWAG saga has just been kinda incredible to me, to be honest, and you peeps in the last few posts have really highlighted that.

 

:bang:
:bang:
:bang:

Look. If you don't want a female body, if you don't think you can stand to be anything but a man- what in the seven kingdoms makes you think you're MtF?? You CLEARLY want to be male, you've NEVER elaborated on what dysphoria means to you and why you believe yourself to be transgender.

You know what dysphoria is? It's waking up in the wrong body. It's the lackthereof of the parts that should belong to you but by fluke of genetics, don't. It's speaking with the wrong voice. Cringing when the wrong pronouns, the wrong name is used. Sometimes wondering why you want to get out of bed because no one will see you as you are and you can't stand to see someone you're not in the mirror.

It's knowing transition will cost you, it's knowing your body will never be cis but you'd sell your soul to have anything close to what you should have been born with. It's crushing your breasts against your chest with your arm and trying to pretend they're nothing; or on the other side, holding up a bra and having nothing to fill it and a chest flat against your hand.

It's panic attacks in the shower. It's, at best, sighs when you're getting dressed. It's feeling amazing when you pass but distressed when you get home and see the body underneath the clothes.

That's dysphoria.

 

It's also seeing people of the opposite physical gender and going "I'd kill to look like that", and I'm not talking once in a blue moon, either.

 

If you can't handle your transsexualism, the only way forward is to come to accept it.

You might not want to do this, I mean who does but from my experience it's the only way to start to get anywhere.

What helped for me is try to see how transition (if that's what you want) will be a good thing. It's easy to say that you would wish to be rid of your transsexualism because that would be easier and more straightforward but if you are transsexual you can't change that.

Transition is the only way forward, not 'getting rid of your transsexualism' because unless it is OCD that wouldn't be possible.

So think about the things that will change for the better. (less dysphoria, you will be able to try the more girly things you mentioned etc etc)

Don't think about the fact you will be a transsexual. Think that you will be a woman and if that's what you want it will help you move forward.

 

SWAGboy I'm guessing that part of the reason you've had bad experiences with previous forums and the reaction from ElliaOtaku here is what you're saying sounds as if you are not trans and to many that will feel you are appropriating a trans identity. The only thing about being trans you mention is about dyshoria, all the rest seem to suggest you are cisgender or at least the body you are in is the one you largely identify with. And what you mention about dysphoria is that is in the "early stages" which sounds as if you are trying to make yourself feel it as for me and how I have understood others talking about it, that it is a near constant feeling that while varies in intensity but doesn't develop to have "early stages".

The only thing I can see you being from what you have said regarding on these forums is that you because you are attracted to men you feel that you would be better a straight transwoman that a gay man. Also the comment you mention about what would make you feel better fits this more as normally it would be a guy comforting a woman as such than another man, though this is more media portrayal than actuality. So to me it sounds more like you are having problems accepting you are into men and are male yourself than that you are female.

 

Hey to both SWAGboy and anonym,

I'm really sorry if my post put you on the defensive, and I get completely where you are coming from. Making you feel like you have to defend who you are is literally the exact opposite of what I wanted to do.

I really feel like the best way we can help though is to get you to focus on things other than gender and being trans. I mean you both said it yourselves, it's taken over your lives. We can't change the past. But you can build your new lives, and this time now that you know a little more about yourselves, you can even do it the right way this time

So since you've both decided, for your reasons, that you are trans, and that you want to transition, step numero uno is self acceptance. It makes everything you're feeling go away. So is there anything you actually like, or would like, about being a member of your target sex? Anything positive at all. Don't worry if it feels far away or like "oh that could never be me". Just imagine a little, set goals, figure out what you actually want.

Also everyone, EliaOtaku I'm not trying to single you out for anything, you know I think you're awesome and I really appreciate the advice you give here, so I picked one of your posts because I respect you and I know you won't take this the wrong way. But everyone,

Please stop doing this. This doesn't help. SWAGboy is trans if she says she's trans, and anonym is trans if he says he's trans. Whatever that means to them. The goal is to help people get to the point where they're not letting other people define them, and feel like they have some control over their own lives. That's not gonna happen if we're telling them who and what they are.

 

Yes it has taken over my life I will admit that because it has stopped me from doing loads of things. So things I will look forward to about transition. Being able to socialise again but this time as myself, getting some pride in my appearance back, I don't know just living as who I know I should be than this crappy double life

 

On the other hand, Cassie, there are trans people who thought that transition was sort of the only way to go and it didn't end well. It's always good to have different points of view. Even our own chercheur said that they wish someone stopped them and told them to think twice and reconsider.

 

I apologise whole heartedly for any and all offence I may have caused with my previous couple of posts, no matter the reasons behind them.

 

First, I've said it in several posts before and I'll say it again, I can't gender anyone, and it's up to you to gender yourself. So if you feel female, then I accept that you feel female. It's just frustrating feeling like you're asking for help, yet not giving us the means to help you. I know it's not easy to put words to this stuff, but just...try. Try the list thing. You might not be able to think of ten things for each list, but at least give it a shot. It might help.

Also, anonym, well done! You seem to be coming along a lot better than when you first joined the forum. I know it's probably still pretty overwhelming, but you really seem calmer these days, and you've been giving SWAG some good advice too.

---------- Post added 21st Dec 2013 at 08:39 PM ----------

Nick I agree, and think that's really important. I don't mean to tell anyone who or what they are here, but I think everyone should be ready for transition if they're considering it. Sometimes you need to take a few steps back and make sure you're really as ready as you think you are, because transition won't make things better if you're not ready to transition.

 

I agree completely. But I still feel there's a difference between telling someone they are not trans, and asking someone if they've considered not transitioning or making sure they don't feel pressured into it. It's not very much different from the decision to come out as gay; it has to be a decision someone makes for his or her or 'eir own self, for that person's own reasons.

Thanks though for that post, I think it's really helpful to have it right here in this thread, and it definitely needed to be said.