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How long did it take you to feel comfortable with yourself?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lost101, Apr 15, 2018.

  1. Hardright

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    Well, in denial most of my life, out to myself for about four years, almost fifty now, ...

    Still working on "comfortable"
     
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  2. Rin311

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    A very long time. Being told by my environment and family that being gay is shameful/perverted/sinful of course didn't help. I think I only fully accepted myself as gay last year. It's a work in progress, for most people. And that's fine. Being a sexual minority - any kind of minority actually - means having to examine your own identity and life compared to that of the majority, and that's the way it is, in my opinion... nothing to do but soldier on and deal with it.
     
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  3. Penguin27

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    Took me 4 years to fully realize I'm gay. I'm still only out to very few people, and I think at least one of them didn't believe me. I'm afraid to come out to my best friend because he's conservative, and I don't want our friendship to change...
     
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  4. OGS

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    I think it took me a couple years to really embrace it and once I had done that maybe another year to feel totally comfortable. That was a long time ago though. I genuinely think it would have been a much faster process these days.
     
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  5. 21zephyr

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    I feel the same. I’m not saying it’s easy nowadays, because it’s not. What I feel Is people are more accepting today compared to the 80s. That’s a positive sign.
     
  6. Maldoone

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    Much happier now with me. Took a while, and there was 'Gay Euphoria' which a consultant explained to me. I wanted the world to know. But being married and all, well, that put the brakes on. Anyway, I am happier. Sort of more Whole, more Complete. I know that should a thunderbolt from the blue, in the shape of a really attractive (in all ways) guy hove into view and actually want to talk to me. Well, I don't know what would happen - but I won't run away. Gotta be open to opportunity in this life. Sigh. Guess I'll be waitin' for a while...think I'm a little old for a gay bar. Certainly for a club.
     
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  7. pasinhose

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    So true! I commend you. And yes, the struggle is very difficult but you are a brave person. If no one else on this planet ever says you have what it takes to be brave at least you know I think you have it.
     
    #27 pasinhose, Apr 20, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2018
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  8. pasinhose

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    Gay Euphoria? Interesting. It took a few years for me to accept that I was gay and it was a sexual experience that turned the corner and that is when I decided I could not turn back and came out to someone. The next 48 hours were an anxious head exploding blur. Then I calmed down. A week later I think I experienced a bit of that Gay Euphoria. And to me what that is as much as a celebration where its almost a calmness or peace with oneself and just being proud and relieved. I still feel it from time to time when I tell someone that I am gay. Even tonight. I share this with others as I want them to know there is no one way to feel. Nobody is weird. Its all good.
     
    #28 pasinhose, Apr 20, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2018
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  9. espeon

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    I'm only now just becoming comfortable with myself. Went from thinking I was straight, to thinking I was bi a few years ago, and these past couple of weeks I've realised that I'm a lesbian. Everything's starting to make sense and I kinda feel at peace with myself haha
     
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  10. 21zephyr

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    Thank you so much! That’s the nicest thing someone has ever said to me. You made my day!!! You’re the best!
     
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  11. pasinhose

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    You just made me cry when I read this. Seriously. I feel good now too. It's a journey we both understand.
     
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  12. lost101

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    It saddens me that people had to wait so long and the evilness that people show to make the journey for those that much longer we are all sinners and last time I checked there were no divisions of one type of sinner being worse than the other we are all one class of sinner
     
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  13. amylase

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    i'll let you know when i'm fully comfortable :wink:
    i've known since i was about 9
     
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  14. anonmember

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    I have had feelings for both guys and girls since like 6th or 7th grade, but I only recently about 5 months ago came to terms with the fact that I'm definitely bisexual. I was in denial before then, probably because I was too afraid to accept myself that I'm bisexual.
     
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  15. anonmember

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    I'm a senior in high school now, and I know I've said all this stuff before, but I wasn't sure if you saw it so I'm posting it just for you.
     
  16. SemiCharmedLife

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    More than 10 years. I struggled so much with internalized homophobia, but luckily none of my fears came to be. Being gay is as much a part of me as having a short attention span or liking spicy food. Also it's the reason I met my bf and some amazing friends.
     
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  17. 18breanna

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    Oh no, it's sad to hear you struggled so much! What helped you get through the internalised homophobia you were experiencing? Where do you think it stemmed from?
     
  18. SemiCharmedLife

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    I've always been anxious and self-conscious, and so everything negative I heard about gay people I turned against myself and worried people would think about me. From kids saying "that's so gay" in the hallway at school to the anti-LGBT bills that were being passed everywhere in the early 2000s, it all weighed on me, even though I grew up in a very progressive place. For 10 years I basically said "ok well I like guys but I also like girls and can just shut off the side of me that likes guys forever." It didn't work. That part of me got stronger as I watched the tide turn in favor of LGBT people and rights, and eventually I decided it was time to quit fighting. Not long after that I found EC. Once I embraced the side of me that liked guys, I realized that was actually the whole me. I'm still not out in my professional life and there are times when I don't feel entirely safe, but I am no longer fighting myself, which is good because it was exhausting af.
     
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  19. Limiteded

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    I agree with you about trying to find out what comfortable feels like. For the longest time I had felt like I was bi. But recently its feeling like I am gay. I have started to come out to a few very very close friends. Most of them are bi females.
     
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  20. BiBarefeet

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    For me, I felt comfortable with myself through each stage of my journey, on average, in five year periods. Bi-curious around 25 ish (Kinsey 1, sexually), bi by 30 (while slowly moving within the continuum from straight-bi to bi - 2 to 3.5 kinsey, sexially), by 40-42 bi-gay (Kinsey 4 to 4.5, sexually) . Currently accepting myself still as bi-gay but more towards gay than before (Kinsey 5, sexually).
    But if you mean from when I first identified any sort of attraction to males, to now...then 20 years.
     
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