How Do You Handle Loneliness?

If I feel lonely I usually curl up into a ball under my comforter. Kinda pathetic, but yeah. That and watch some youtube vids. But I don't feel lonely very often, considering that I am fairly comfortable being on my own for extended periods of time.

 

I never used to get lonely, at all, or at least if I did perhaps I just wasn't aware of it. This used to strike people as odd when I was growing up, because by their logic a quiet child who doesn't have many friends, siblings, or mix often with others, should be very lonely. By default I would actively seek out solitude. On occasions when I didn't want to be alone there were ways around it, like playing with my pets or sometimes popping over to the homes of children from my school who lived locally, although to be honest in the case of the latter it was usually being dragged brought over there when my mother was friends with theirs.

I think I first experienced feeling loneliness, briefly, when I was about 14. But I'm not certain as it happened around a time when a lot of other stuff was going on, so it was probably a mixture of things. In an attempt to remedy this, I decided to try going to a local shopping center on a Saturday when I knew there would be others my own age around to interact with... and the experience was unpleasant. I dislike crowds in general anyway, but being around them when I was feeling bad to begin with just made me more withdrawn.

As I've gotten older I've grown more familiar with loneliness, I still don't feel it all the time or even most of the time, but when it does strike it can be crushing. I usually try to keep myself occupied and focus on other things, I don't like to stagnate. It does concern me however because I am aware that if this trend continues the feeling is likely to become more pronounced as time goes on, making it increasingly harder to deal with. On the plus side, I do now have a best friend that I talk to every day through email and whom I can go visit a few times a year. I also can talk to people online. My mother lives with me and is usually around but that's... a bit more complicated. Don't get me wrong it is better to have her around than not, but she has her own stuff going on and is usually in her own little world most of the time. When we converse she is usually talking more at me than with me, so it can be more draining than helpful at times.

Due to my present circumstances having much of a social life is pretty much out of the question at the moment, as what energy I do have has to be focused on my needs and responsibilities first and foremost. But even if this wasn't an issue, there is still a pretty big barrier in the way, and one which I'm still trying to figure out ways around.

See a lot of people would say that if you're feeling lonely, you need to get out to social events and such and meet people. But that's part of the problem; when I am surrounded by others, I feel more aware of being alone if that makes sense. The more people there are, the worse it gets. I can do the smiles, the necessary conversation, all the stuff you're meant to do. But doing it just makes me feel like I'm playing a part and frankly it gets exhausting. I still try my best but even with practice it doesn't seem to improve much. I am getting better at one-on-one interaction without others (or at least without too many others) around however. But this isn't something that's inclined to happen very much when first meeting someone.

Whilst I don't really get predictable or consistent loneliness as a rule, I have noticed it tends to strike worst at Christmas, usually around the afternoon. Up until then I enjoy the season but at that point it sort of hits me with this wave of sadness. I only shed a few tears this Christmas just gone which isn't as bad as some past occasions. It has been most pronounced when I was having to spend the period around more people than just my mother. Something about being surrounded by other's camaraderie amplifies my feelings of isolation, like I'm being teased with something I can't have.

I'm still a loner first and foremost, but I have a feeling I will need to come up with some better approaches to tackle loneliness in years to come. At the moment I rely mainly on distraction, but that only works for so long.

 

I'm very introverted, so loneliness is great especially when I'm in a good mood and feeling creative. My best writings result from my solitude.
The bad loneliness I fix by chatting and "cruising" on social apps. Usually, I'll talk about random things and get to know a stranger. It's entertaining since these people may never meet me and so I get to be as weird as my mind cares to be in that moment. It's a relief.Most guys love to trade pics, girls always chat more, but it's harder to predict their motives(sexual or emotional). Most guys want to meet and I comply rarely.
The bad thing about this is that I become really attached to certain individuals; we'll chat for weeks, I'm into their looks, but because of location and fear, I never pursue it further.
A guy hit me and I was smitten because he was my type; blue eyes, dark hair, nice amount of body hair, and very fit. We stopped talking since I think he's into older men and we're 44 miles apart. :icon_sad:

 

I'll either talk to one of my brothers or someone on here.

 

I listen to music, although that seems to make it worse.

 

I've been lonely for quite sometime, I'm just learning how to deal with it. What I've one in the past month, is swim. I joined a gym and I find swimming just puts me in a different mental state and I feel productive. Aside from the endorphins and looking better, swimming takes the edge off my nerves and makes me less restless overall.

 

I had been living with my ex-girlfriend for four years up until this month, so I have been pretty lonely lately. I read a book, play minecraft, watch movies, listen to music.

Basically I just distract myself from how crappy I'm feeling and hopefully when I'm done distracting myself I wont be so lonely anymore...?

 

First I just look and talk to myself.
Wonder what went wrong today, and what I can learn from those mistakes.
Then say I'll do better tomorrow.
It's the only hope I've got going for me.
Sometimes I step back and see how privileged I really am, it makes me sick to see how I'm throwing it all down the drain.
Its a struggle to get out of bed most days, but just being able to see the sky is worth it for me.
I know there's no one here for me now.
But that doesn't mean I can't keep searching.
Because one day I know I'll find someone who looked up towards the moon, as I did.

 

I'll write about it or watch a movie/youtube video.

 

I know now being alone is my greatest fear, When im alone when its just me I obsessively talk to my self I turn on music or the T.V. or any noise for that matter...after a while i just become self destructive...The first time i was out on own for real it went okay for a little while but it got real bad real fast..i was hooked on drugs and lost everything i was homeless for 4 months and that was the worst isolation i ever felt...one day i was hopping fences and i went in this shed and found some petro so i took it and started huffing it, well a day later i huffed to much i had a seizure luckley my friend was there or i might of died, I've Oded a couple of times before but this was the worst it really fucked me up...I need to learn to be alone without killing myself...all you other guys have such great coping skills....when someone tells me get high on life i always respond...how much is a gram of life do i parachute it smoke it where can i get some?...

 

I very rarely experience loneliness, the last time has been quite some time ago. =) What I do? Talking to people I like (especially my boyfriend), reading things I like and working on projects. :icon_bigg

 

Youtube and emty closet

 

Probably not a healthy way to deal with it, but I retreat deeper into isolation generally and just play videogames for hours on end.

 

I'm feeling very lonely lately. I'm not sure how to cope/deal with it. Since coming out last year it has made me feel very isolated from the people that I love, one of my adult daughters is lesbian though and so I try to talk to her sometimes but she doesn't always understand and I don't always feel comfortable.

 

I think I both handled loneliness through distraction and accepting the fact that it's there.
Whichever comes first, I try to treat it very aggressively.

 

I wouldn't say it's when I'm lonely, but when I'm alone, I write music. I can go a long time without talking to someone, but when I really feel like I need to talk to someone, I open up facebook chat. It's just that my two best friends happen to live on another continent.

 

I actually enjoy being alone. It's not really a problem to be dealt with. Some people sometimes tell me I'm "asocial" though I find the word a bit strong.

But when I feel more alone than usual, I just listen to music and sleep.

 

I live alone, and work alone, so even as an introvert I do get lonely often enough.

Many times I will go to the internet for companionship. I spend time on Facebook, or come here on EC. Sometimes just browsing posts or threads helps, other times I prefer to make posts, or attempt to find someone to chat with.

I've also gotten better at reaching out to those around me. I never used to initiate outings or activities, but I've learned it can help a lot even just to spend an evening in watching a movie with a friend.

If I must be alone, I do what I can to distract myself. Maybe a favorite TV show, or I'll busy myself with a project.

Kaiser, I can understand some of what you've said, as well. I've been on both the giving and the receiving end of the sort of lop-sided relationships you describe, where one party is always lifting up or supporting the other emotionally. It's something I try to avoid doing to others as much as I can now that I've observed that pattern in myself, though at times I'm sure I slip. It's also something that can be difficult to avoid if you are also inclined to be the one to give advice and be supportive. I have my share of problems, but I also have my share of friends who have their share of problems. If things become imbalanced it can indeed start to feel like a friend is no longer a friend, but something closer to a "client" or "patient," or as you describe, a "mentee." I've found in a situation like that you do have to draw the line, at times. One friend calls it the "not your therapist" talk. Unfortunately, it's one I've had to give a few times, with varying results. But if you find a "friend" is no longer willing to talk to you if you aren't willing to be their sounding board 24/7, it may not be a friendship that's healthy to keep.

I wonder, Kaiser, if this "mentoring" persona you've built for yourself, which admittedly I myself have found very comforting and helpful, gets in the way of you truly expressing yourself and connecting more deeply with others. If you are always ready to make everything about them, but shy away from the spotlight if it ever turns toward you, how can people get to know who YOU are?