Help. My 12-year-old DD just confided in me that she is bisexual.

I honestly think you are more worried about this most recent revelation than you need to be. It is your daughter's friend who is cutting herself, not your daughter herself. Frankly, it sounds as if you're approaching this as if the the friend is doing drugs or alcohol. Just because your daughter's friend is cutting does not mean that she will cause your daughter to start self-harming herself as well.

Your daughter's friend sounds as if she is hurting emotionally - if she has cut before in the past then it's not surprising that this whole situation triggered her to cut again. Self-harming is a coping mechanism, and is a way of expressing and dealing with deep distress and emotional pain. It can also be a way for the self harmer to feel like they have control over their own body, when they can't control anything else in their life. Overall, self-harm is a way of dealing with intense emotional pain.

My gut says the friend was cutting before this whole situation, especially since her family does not know of her sexual orientation. This does NOT mean that she is a danger to your daughter, if anything your daughter's friendship could significantly help this girl who is so obviously in pain. Many teens cut or self-harm in some way! It is still an unhealthy coping mechanism, but it is much more prevalent than you probably think.

I find this statement very extreme... How exactly is the friend manipulating and hurting your child?

I really urge you to approach this with your daughter differently. Read up on self-harming on the links I gave you, or do a little research of your own. I would talk to your daughter about how cutting is an unhealthy coping mechanism for dealing with pain, and that there are much more healthier ways of dealing with pain. Be careful to not put your daughter on defense right away, as far as you know your daughter has not harmed herself in any way at all yet and may not even feel the need to. In fact, she is most likely confused as to why exactly her friend is harming herself. Use this as a teachable moment with your daughter, and perhaps your daughter will be able to significantly help this girl out.


I full-heartedly agree with Aldrick - this young girl desperately needs help. And if someone's crying for help, you should give them it, not stand there and judge the way they're asking for it.

Here's a very good booklet to help you understand more about self-harming.

 

I would just like to mention that this is not your journey. I don't think you are suffering the most in this situation. It is your daughter. I realise that you have quite a smorgasbord of worries, but it's highly possible (maybe even definite) that your daughter has more. I'm sorry if I sound condescending, that is not my intention, but I just feel like you should know this.

 

It's very unlikely your child will start self-harming as a result of someone she's knows doing so. People who self-harm are usually hyper aware of the issue and will go to great lengths to prevent those they know from doing the same.
Just make sure she feels supported.

 

First, congratulations for supporting your daughter! I'm really happy to hear about.
However, I disagree with you on the internet matter. Ok, it may be dangerous to talk to people online, but she is probably feeling alone. Talking to a therapist about your sexuality is not the same thing as talking to a friend about it.
My advice is: let her access the internet, but talk to that friend of hers and/or her mother. That way you will feel safe and your daughter will have her friend.
That's what my father and my stepmother do. They even became friends with a friend of mine and let her sleep here once. It's really good to have a relationship based in trust and sharing!