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Gay accusations

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Kevins1197, Jan 27, 2020.

  1. Kevins1197

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    How many of us were accused of being gay when younger before realizing that you might actually be?

    Did you deny or accept it?
    When did you come out to your self?

    for me I’ve always been attracted to other boys and girls but as I’ve gotten older I lean more toward men.
     
  2. IslandMama

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    I was bullied like crazy at age 12 for allegedly being a lesbian... back when I didn't even know what that meant. I feel that strongly contributed to me not being able to claim that part of my identity for the next 20 years, even though I always knew that I sometimes liked girls. I just could not see myself that way.

    When I was 35, I finally saw it: I'm bi, and always was.
     
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  3. Poofter

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    I denied it, even though I was. And I knew I was.

    the first time...12. The second time 32. Went through a period of repression from 18 till then.

    I can find beauty in anyone and I am really attracted to some personalities. But I have always known I enjoy men more romantically and sexually.
     
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  4. Adz6

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    I was never accused of being gay, I was and still very straight acting.
    Though there was one gay boy at school who always flirting with me and spending a lot of time with me. I still think his gaydar picked me straight away.
    When I started working another worker was gay, and as soon as I walked on to the work site he said to my supervisor he is I bet he is gay, he just will not acknowledge yet.
     
  5. Unsure77

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    When I was you (maybe 10 or 12) my brother once disgustedly accused me of being a lesbian. I’m not sure if he was serious or not. He doesn’t even remember it now. It embarrassed and terrified me at the time.

    It’s kinda funny because people who knew me as a kid kind of assumed I was asexual and had no idea. People who met me in my 30’s and later indicated that it was fairly obvious that I’m gay. Not sure if I changed or if it’s the difference between being in a sheltered, conservative community and living around people who’ve been around lesbians.

    I guess mainly as a kid, I knew I was different (everyone knew I was different), but couldn’t pin down why.
     
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  6. Maldoone

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    Is this how it's to be for the rest of my life?
    I came out to myself, properly, about three years ago. After a rocky time, I'm still where I was - with my wife and kids (who will fly the nest soon, I hope). I've tried to be philosophical about being gay; I followed my wife's suggestion that I'm bisexual. I know that ain't true.
    I find more emotional reaction when I see a good looking guy. Today I had a parcel delivery from the most beautiful boy I've ever seen. Just took my breath away. Our eyes met, and locked for what seemed ages. And yet, I know there have been other heart stopping moments.
    I'm back here on EC after quite a break. Thinking I could just carry on regardless, I dreamed of someday just walking into a friendly pub/café and striking up a conversation with someone who understands. But I might as well volunteer to be an astronaut.
    I'm looking for a chat, and you sound like you have similar thoughts to me!
    I guess it's not rocket science; so many guys are in the same boat.
    Anyway. I was gay at school, which was a while ago. I don't remember ever being accused of being gay at school, but I do remember getting close to a cousin I fancied. I went to far and then came the inevitable "you're not one of those, are you?" Deny, deny. Nothing more said.
    Much later, late night in a bar I made a pass at an old friend, who recognised the move, said he was flattered, thanked me. I didn't deny it that time.
    Over the decades, I would have waves of clear realisation. I would try to accept it as part of the real me.
    It took a simple thing, just a casual mention of sexuality in an old book, set me off. Now I always have a book on my phone, to which I can escape. This week it's Giovanni's Room. Oh, and Two Boys, Kissing.
    I watch romantic flicks on my own, such as Call Me by Your Name. Nobody I know would understand or accept it.
    I tried to come out to some friends. It didn't go well. I think they've tried to forget it. Or, in one case, laugh.
     
  7. Maldoone

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    "It takes one to know one" was the great refrain in my youth. I think that this may hold some truth! A glance, a look, eye contact that holds just a second longer than expected. I'm also very straight acting, although since coming out to myself, I'm flirting with danger. I can't help it sometimes. Just asking the question. Very difficult, especially when I don't want to upset certain people.
    I had quite a bit of the flirting at school. Back then, I did actually have boyfriends. I miss that, and have come to realise that it's a gap in my life that has been there all along.
    I feel the need to fill the gap. I always have a romantic book on my phone - Two Boys Kissing, Giovanni's Room. Just so I can escape.
     
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  8. LostInDaydreams

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    I’ve never been accused. My group of friend me was once referred to as “dykes” by a group of boys, but I don’t think it was meant as a comment on our sexuality and I didn’t take it that way. I didn’t think too much of those boys, but I didn’t make me question anything about myself.
     
  9. gravechild

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    At least you knew! Due to my religious/sheltered upbringing, I was pretty sexually repressed, and being in a conservative town, unless you were super "flaming", it was more of a slur. Sure, I knew I was different (in more than one way), but didn't put two and two together until later on. If this were decades ago, I might have never "known"
     
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  10. silverhalo

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    I was asked, I denied it but not because I was scared etc but because I honestly hadn't figured it out myself.
     
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  11. Devil Dave

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    In secondary school everybody thought I was gay and that my closest friend was my boyfriend. I wasn't actually attracted to him. I was about 14 when I admitted to myself that I liked men and there were male teachers that I fantasized about, but I didn't fancy anybody my own age. I found fully grown men attractive, not underdeveloped boys.

    I lost touch with the friend after we finished school, so to this day I never found out for sure if he was gay or not. All the other boys said we spent way too much time together, but I don't think we did. We met up outside of school only about 3 times. We did sit next to each other in class often, and we'd have lunch together, but why wouldn't friends do that? We also both disliked sport and enjoyed drawing, so that's why we didn't play football with the other boys and spent our lunch breaks in the art room, so it was easy for them to accuse us of being gay together.

    So while I knew I was gay in those days and everybody else accused me of being gay, I didn't have any homosexual experiences until I was in my twenties.
     
  12. OGS

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    No accusations here. When and where I grew up it was sort of like the bogeyman. People were aware of gay as a concept but it really wouldn't have occurred to anyone that someone actually was gay.
     
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  13. Siananigen

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    My Dad asked me when I was in my early 20s, and I had a work mate ask around the same time, but I think that was more because I'd shaved my head and flatmate was gay. Unfortunately my first experience with a woman was not good (think Joe in You), and I let that plus a few negative comments from friends (Not directed at me, but that indicated disapproval) stop me from exploring that side of myself more.
     
  14. Chip

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    I was accused of that back in my early teens... and at the time, *I* didn't even know it was true. The people who bully us are often those who, themselves, are closeted and externalizing their own self-hate. Many here on EC have spoken about people who bullied them coming back years later and apologizing. Or... the opposite. A few have admitted to bullying others to hide their own secret.

    Processing the stages of loss and path to acceptance can take days or years. But as long as you keep talking about it, you'll eventually be able to come to terms with it.
     
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  15. cjmiller

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    I've never been asked if I'm gay. I would describe myself as very straight acting which I why I never had an issue attracting the opposite sex.

    I've always known I was attracted to men but felt I was bi and those feeling would go away. It wasn't until late in life when I was 45 that I finally admitted I'm gay.
     
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  16. I'm gay

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    I've always presented more masculine, even as a young teenager. I didn't display behavior that was stereotyped as gay, especially not after realizing I was gay and began to repress anything gay in myself. So, no, I didn't get bullied or accused of being gay because I hid it so well.
     
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  17. I'mStillStanding

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    Me totally! I mean everyone knew from an early age but I don’t remember anyone saying much of anything about it. But by 5th grade everyone was bullying me and that’s when I went in closet and forced myself to believe I was straight. I didn’t accept it (again) till I was like 27.
     
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  18. johndeere3020

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    In HS at about 15. Didn't think it showed but maybe. Wasn't until I was 46 did I have the courage to be myself.
     
  19. Nickw

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    We didn’t understand what gay even was. We knew there were guys that were “queer” but that didn’t mean anything. At least when I was younger. As a late teen I understood I had attractions to men but the girls really liked me and I liked them so no one would have figured out bisexual...even me.

    I was about 22 when a guy hit on me and explained he was bisexual. The light came on. I guess he accused me of being bi. So other guys must have noticed and I was too dense.

    that said. I did have a boyfriend for about four years in jr high and high school. We were inseparable. He’s gay and came out a long time ago. Even after that, as a 40 year old, when I learned he was gay, it never occurred to me that I might have had a gay relationship as a kid. It was only in the last couple years I have learned what it was.

    This is timely for me. I use a hookup app to communicate with several of my gay friends. I’m home visiting and the kid from the past (now 60) hit on me on the app. I am not sure how to respond. I’ve never been out to him. I don’t think he knows who it is he hit on.
     
  20. DecentOne

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    I had a rough 6th grade. Maybe there were accusations then, I don’t recall at the moment. I don’t remember the bullying ending until I stopped talking about girls having cooties and I responded enthusiastically to a girl who came on to me while the class was watching. It turns out she was just trying to make me uncomfortable by teasing me, but my positive reaction got me “in” to the respect of the bullies. It helped that she was really pretty and was rumored to be dating a guy in High School at the time, back in middle school days you were seen to be worthy based on who acknowledged your existence.

    In later years I remember invitations (not accusations). A representative of the college GSA club saying I was welcome to see what the meetings were like (“but I’m not gay, I like girls” I said, and he responded something like “that’s ok, I think you’d get something out of coming.” - but I never went). My college roommate’s girlfriend saying that she and my roommate thought I might be gay, and if it was true that was ok with them (I think I laughed, because I had an intense crush on her and was just trying to hide it so as not to ruin my friendship with my roommate). My Mom inviting me to a presentation being led by an out gay guy, she said so that I could see a positive example of a gay professional (I’m not sure if she was hinting to me that _I_ needed a role model, or if it was just part of her lessons in celebrating diversity, and decades later when I came out to her as bisexual I asked her and she doesn’t remember that incident). A colleague saying her gaydar had gone off, and asked if I was gay, and me smiling politely (as I knew she was out herself) and saying no I wasn’t, and I was married with kids. I wonder if any of these folks had explicitly said something about bisexuality if I would have figured things out before late middle age! Or maybe I really was straight back then - I certainly was really good at being straight, it is almost like something internally shifted to bisexuality a couple years ago.

    Wow, that is so cool. If I were in your situation I’d love to be contacted like that, and be able to catch up with the guy. I hope you do chat with him and feel comfortable being out to him. I’ve talked to the colleague from my past who said she thought her gaydar went off around me, it was nice to catch up and explain I’m now bisexual. I’d be glad to say it to others from my past if I knew where they were living now.
     
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