Feeling more gay

It took me years to accept me as I am. Yes, I knew I was gay when I was 14 and I realized that only guys turned me on... but it doesn't mean fully acceptance. It's not when you are not out. It's not when you are out to everyone... but you are not gay in public. I'm still working on this. It's like if I'm in a bubble, a crystal opaque bubble, and anyone could go in and then I'll let them know that I'm gay, and I'll act gay... but outside nobody would see what's inside.

I mean... I have no problems telling to others that I'm gay. I don't care about their reaction. But... I only talk about it (feelings, worries, jokes, what turns me on and off...) and I'm only flamboyant with those who I've chosen to be gay with.

Growing in a straight environment has influenced me to silence every mannerism that I could have developed. But, at the same time... I don't feel comfortable with mannerisms. Not in others (anyone can be who he/she wants to be!), but for myself. It's not my personality. I feel more gay only with people I trust in, but for me... it's like it's just acting. Making sure for others my sexuality. I enjoy "playing the character" of the gay friend, but outside that bubble I'm just a regular guy. And it feels strange... I don't believe in living a "gay lifestyle" just because I'm gay... but I understand it, and sometimes I like to put more of that in my public image, as I think I could be comfortable with that.

 

I can tell you from experience that when the time comes that you finally leave the closet forever it is incredible.The sense of freedom, the feeling of liberation from having to hide your homosexuality is amazing.Openly beginning to live as a gay man you start to feel just how normal homosexuality is. Other people’s opinions, ideas and misconceptions no longer matter to you. You feel pride in being able to openly express what is an integral part of you, your sexuality!

 

I totally feel your need to be and feel more gay. After admitting to myself that I’m gay I feel like everyday is a chance to further get away from the closet and start exploring my gayness. I’ve been unapologetically watching gay themed movies and tv shows. I’m still married. I’ve come out to her numerous times. She is going through my coming out process alongside me. I told her I need to normalize my sexuality for myself. She has agreed that it helps me in my coming out. I have been painting my toe nails and wearing sandals as much as possible to show off my pretty toes. I bought new gay looking underwear. When I am feeling more butch I put my bare feet in these leather engineer boots I picked up. Super sexy! Lately I’ve been wearing trainer plugs with a harness that keeps me slightly aroused and a cage over my cock to prevent it/me from sticking straight out. It really helps when I wear these jeggings that I wear when feeling sassy. Talk about feeling gay! If you’re looking you can see the cages outline though te jeggings. It’s amazing. My wife doesn’t approve btw. She says it makes me look gay. I love it when she says that. She means it as a cutdown, but I’ve accepted who I am and it feels good now to hear that I look gay . I guess mission accomplished. Hope I was able to give you some ideas.

 

I never liked to hug people outside of my family or receive compliments about how I dressed . When I finally accepted my homosexuality I started to enjoy giving and receiving hugs and compliments. I know it is only a small thing but to finally enjoy a hug and a complimentsfrom other people to me was a big step in breaking down of the straight masculine man I was trying to portray. Now I feel more at ease with my self.

 

Either someone is gay or they aren't. And there are people who are bi, pan, straight and all over the sexuality spectrum. You are what you likes. If you only likes the same gender, you're gay regardless if you follows stereotypes or not.

I'm a biromantic homosexual. Are there times I feel I could be "straight" because of stereotypes? Yes. But I know it's not the case. Me having long hair, soft facial features, being a short feminine petite woman and dressing stereotypical "straight" doesn't make me straight. What determine my sexuality and orientation is who I falls in love with, crush on, are romantically and sexually attracted to. The fact that I have fallen for two women before, had multiple female crushes, enjoyed kissing women and thinking about women all the time makes me a homosexual. I likes women romantically and physically. I can like a man's personality, but his physical side doesn't do anything to me. You don't need to feel gay to be gay. You just need to remember what your crush history is.

I have days I feel queer and days I don't. It's hard navigating in a cis-heteronormative society. What queer things I'm doing other than wanting to date women (obviously) are participating in Pride events, buying rainbow flags and watching drag shows. But you don't need to do that to be gay. It's just an option. If it's fun, go ahead. Don't feel pressured to do it.

 

I started crossdressing privately and found I was completely taken with it! It’s something I thought about doing for so long! It brings out my inner feelings o beautifully

 

I’ve been flirting with a close friend for the past 6 months - he’s on his second marriage, always complaining about women, etc.
Recently he started sending me pics in our texts of guys who are half naked and he always makes a joke about it.
Funny thing is he now sends me a good morning text every day - always asking how I am. Honestly i love this interaction

 

How so? Can you tell? Expand on how and what you feel?
Some of my gay attributes? are independent, and others are evoked in response to what another guy want/needs. Which is not to suggest He creates that feeling/desire/need in me, but that what is there is triggered or surfaced responsively... and i find can sort of be controlled, which i find very intimate.
Cross dressing is something i have no desire to do on my own, but when another Guy imagines or wants me to dress, suddenly i'm all in. And again, it's weird, it's not like there isn't something there in me, or that i am just doing it because He likes it. i find there are things in me that need/want to be needed or wanted by another Guy before they come to the surface, and this is one of them.

i'm the same with 'toys,' i have a drawer full that i never use. For me, they represent an extension of the user and His desire/need to penetrate, etc., (keep remembering i'm on the family channel lol), i don't have those kinds of "Top" desires/needs, so it feels completely wrong, inadequate to do them on my own.

 

I tried crossdressing a few times, just out of curiosity, and immediately felt overwhelmed with intense feminine emotions- I felt submissive, attractive, girly for lack of a better word. If I lived in a very progressive area I’d probably do it all the time. Even do more i think. I’ve followed a few transgender sites on the internet and realize I share many of the same thoughts as people who have transitioned

 

It's fascinating to see the variety of feelings we can have. For me, it's not the dressing i respond to but the way the other Man sees me. And again, it's not like He is seeing something that is not there, but His desire is affirming and connects us. By itself, just dressing without a Man Who sees it in me and wants it, it doesn't surface in me, otherwise it's there and sort of dormant?

 

Interesting- i think of it as something I’ve always felt inside- with the gay feelings being separate. I imagine everyone is a bit different

 

I felt the exact same. Wore anklets hoping to be noticed . Tried to convince myself I was bi, but I knew I was gay. Coming has made it so amazing. Finally!!!!

 

I recently took some tests to see if I might be autistic (Some of my behaviors sound like Asperger’s). One of the last things on the last sheet of paper was homosexual feelings. I circled yes. The counselor picked up on that and I said more aloud (as opposed to writing it here) than I ever have. When I got my test results back, there were several phone numbers and websites recommended.

Tonight, I’m in a large city away from home. After going to a sporting event, I’ll (finally!) go to a gay bar and see what happens.

 

If someone pays you a compliment, believe them.

 

Do you find it easy or hard to get relationships? I'm a masculine guy into feminine men. Apart from gay dating sites it is almost impossible to meet fem gay men.