Feeling more gay

I just came out recently and it's given me more confidence to be flamboyant. I don't broadcast my out status, so most people don't know. However, they acknowledge and respect this new side of me because I was too scared to show any emotions before when I was in the closet. I also have been working out to make my body more slender and toned. By emotionally and physically improving myself helps me feel like my true authentic gay self.

 

I feel we are quite similar here, I’m only out to my wife. But the feeling is wonderful. I would love to be more openly gay to others too. And be more openly feminine.
To feel more gay and girly I guess I often venture out wearing a light blouse, tight jeans, a little bit of jewellery and head off into town shopping, walking with a more feminine wiggle lol.
But not too feminine just in case I bump into friends.

 

W

oh I feel,you..know exactly what you mean.

 

I am feeling more gay lately too

 

As you become more comfortable with accepting your homosexuality you start to feel more and more gay. You start to realize that you like this feeling and it feels quite normal along with an exciting anticipation of the future.

 

You have described exactly how I have been feeling recently. When asking for counseling I recently confided in my doctor my attraction to men and of my coming out, I was surprised how happy I was afterwards. This must be due to my open acceptance of my homosexuality. I accepted I was gay before but I never shared this, now in hearing myself say out loud to another person ‘I’m Gay’ this has made it real, I’m now gay in the eyes of others. And it feels great.

 

Once you start accepting yourself you can start being yourself hardest part for me was accepting myself

 

As you can see by way of the many posts on EC the first major step in your sexual journey to acceptance of your homosexuality is admitting it to yourself. There is a sense of calm and purpose that comes of that acknowledgment. The next big step is the first time you tell someone you’re gay. For me there was finally a sense of liberation and freedom along with an incredible sense of relief. I also felt a sense of pride that I finally found the courage to admit what I was, a gay man. As I started to openly embrace my homosexuality I felt so much better about myself. The world did not end, I didn’t feel embarrassed, I didn’t need to hide any longer and frankly life got so much better. I asked myself repeatedly why did I wait so long!

 

Thanks for your reply, it’s lovely hearing from other men accounts of their journey. I also found the courage to admit I am a gay guy, it took a while for me to accept that I’m attracted to men. I’m still struggling with my own internal homophobia, a product from my upbringing I guess, back when I was young gay was a bad word. I’m hoping counselling will help me shed those horrors, move forward and feel great in my new skin as a homosexual man.
My next big step is going out there and meeting other men, getting intimate and embracing gay lifestyle.

 

Well I only admitted to myself that I was gay at the end of November. Longing to wanting to feel as gay as I could and wanting to cross dress, I decided to take a risk and go to the local charity shop and buy some women's clothes (which I now just call clothes). I was terrified and couldn't even look the shopkeeper I'm the eye. But I done it. I felt so empowered. So I went to a few more and it got easier. I even bought a dress the wrong size and it was quite expensive so I took it back and asked for a refund as the label was marked incorrectly!

I now cross dress everyday and wear my clothes underneath jeans and coat when I go out. If I need to throw away rubbish downstairs and I can't I can't be bothered to change, I just go down with my tights leggings on. A couple of the neighbours have seen me and I weren't bothered. I even talk to myself sometimes now in a girly voice.

So it can be done. I make a point of looking in the mirror and smile and repeat "I'm gay I'm gay". Hope this helps

 

Steff, internalized homophobia can derail your progress in embracing your homosexuality. Going out and getting involved in the gay world helps eliminate some of that homophobia. You start to realize that being attracted to other men is enjoyable, satisfying and more importantly normal! Soon you start to shed all that toxic heteronormative programming.

 

I completely empathise with you on that. As a teen in the 90s I knew I was attracted to boys and even had a few FWBs but I was also terrified of being found out as I "knew" it wasn't "normal" and that boys should like girls. The media of the time reinforced this with no representation of non-camp gay men, and, being the middle of the AIDs crisis, most celebrity gay men were dead or dying. So of course I did what was expected, got married and had kids.

It took until last year to accept to myself that I'm gay, and over the 8 months that have followed, I am noticeably happier to other people even though I'm not out. 9 months ago I couldn't picture myself with growing old and sharing my life with a man, now I can't see any other way to grow old and be happy.

 

And mr

 

Same here. I can't keep watching videos lol. I need to go the whole way. I know it's daunting but I love men so so much. I can't wait til 2 weeks trial period on here is over.

 

I don't know who to tell

 

I dont understand by what you mean by feeling more gay

 

Y

Yes I'm feeling pretty good about it. I sorta dated a gay guy last year but nothing came of it. Today I was swimming in the ocean and steel willed myself to say hi to a guy. Then an hour later I saw him sitting by himself and went over and talked to him. He's closer to my age than the last guy I was interested in. I have seen him several times swimming and always alone. To me he looks possible and seems genuinely happy to see me both times I talked to him today. Single on the beach?

 

I can totally relate because I'm not out to everyone, only a few know I'm homosexual. For various reasons, this means for the rest of the people around me I'm hiding my true self, none of which are related to self-acceptance as I fully accept and truly love being homosexual. Finding ways to subtly express my sexuality when out (or not so when I'm home alone) is about feeling normal and for me, normal is homosexual. Some days I find it difficult not to blurt out "I'm gay", it always seems to be on the tip of my tongue but at this point in time in my life it's going to cause more problems than it solves. One day that will all change so in the meantime it's about expressing myself in a private manner.

These have included:

1) I often wear jockstraps. Not only are they comfortable and give a sense of freedom, they're easy to hide.
2) I have a homosexual pendant on a necklace that I can wear under a shirt.
3) I have a shirt that clearly states which team I am on, which I wear under a jumper.
4) I manscape. While this isn't just in the realm of homosexual/bisexual men, I originally started when I accepted I was homosexual. It helps that I prefer it over not manscaping.
5) I told my doctor. Obvious reasons here.
6) For friends I can trust not to spill the beans, I have told them when they asked. Everyone else is on a need to know basis and they don't need to know.

It's the small things that help keep me sane but also makes me look forward to the day where I don't need to hide it anymore. When partially (or fully) in the closet, we all have coping mechanisms and trying to feel "normal" is one of mine.