Feeling empty

I'm going to reply while I have time and waiting for my bus.

Thank you Beth. I do realize some of my worries tend to be very irrational and I tend to overthink and think the situation in my head to be more worse than it actually is, since I tend to imagine all sorts of bad things that might happen.

Actually this is what I've been doing. I think my dad is suspecting something. He saw some of the male products I have and asked, if I use them. I dodged the question though. They don't fully know what causes my anxiety and what's going on exactly.

You're right. I'm quite blessed there. I can work in Finland if I would want to, since I also know Finnish.

Yeah I know. Hugs. It's going to be a pain, especially since I do have multiple qualifications too and I do need to contact schools to change my name on them. It's going to be anxiety inducing.

Thank you. and hugs. It was very hard to face. It caused me my anxiety and depression and battling internalized things was so hard.

This is something I can't help. I do grave that intimacy and love. I've only ever been in love one sidedly and only had a heartbreak. Last night I thought about my dreams I've had and I had people there who loved and supported me and I suddenly just broke down crying and it suprised me. It's affecting me more than I would like and is problably contributing to my feeling of emptyness.

No worries. I've asked about it others and everyone who has started says the same thing, that it does help with dysphoria.

 

It does suck and thank you for the kind wishes. I hope so too and I wish the same for you.



I did went to see endo and got my blood tests done, but I will get the results at the end of the month and they call me. There were 3 people at the endo office, but I was able to talk freely about everything. There was no anxiety and they were very friendly and understanding and knowing. They check so many things, the list of blood tests was one full page, so hopefully I get some idea, if there is something wrong with my hormones.

So a bit of whining too:

I've gained weight. It's too much of a weight gain for me. My ideal is 60 kg and I'm not there at all, but there has been depression and food has been kind of this comfort thing. I get tired too fast. I need to loose weight, but depression, no motivation and busy life keeps me from it. I have no idea what to do, since my energy levels are way down. It may bite me in the butt, if I want surgeries in the future. I need to do something about that.

I already hate my looks, because of body dysmorphia. I don't need more reasons to hate myself.

I know I worry and vent too much, but thank you guys for being so patient with me. I haven't been active for a few days or replying PMs and I've been wanting to reply to the posts too, but my depression just says no I can't do it right now. I'm not capable of helping others, so I just log out again after reading a post.

Hugs to everyone.

 

Even, if I get a results that starting T, is okay, then I can't start right away. I have a committee meeting too and they give permission, if they allow you to start or not. My time isn't until the year 2024 and then I get to choose the date, so I still need to wait, what is very frustrating, since I've already waited so long.

Though I've heard that in UK it's even worse.

Hugs to you too Beth.

 

There are possible side effects and complications for taking T (like for example blood clots), but t's like this for every medication, that there can be side effects. Some people can't take it, because of health reasons. You do need blood tests done to get a proper treatment plan and proper dosage. I don't know, if it's the same treatment older men get or not though.

In Estonia, the gender recognition process has been regulated by one legal act since 1999: regulation ‘Common Requirements for Medical Operations for Gender Reassignment’. It describes two stages. First, a person who wishes to change their legal gender must get permission from the medical assessment committee established by the Ministry of Social Affairs. Second, their documents can be changed to correspond to their gender when two years have passed from obtaining permission.

The committee wasn't even open for a while, but they now have new people there and in some ways it's better, but they don't recognize nonbinary identities. Many are very upset with the committee. In many countries it's enough, if you get psychiatrist diagnosis, what I do have, but it don't count really, but at least it may bring me plus points in front of the committee and I have a record, that I have been properly taking care of my mental health, what is a requirement. You have to be mentally stable.

Those who apply for gender recognition basically have five to ten minutes to convince the committee that they are who they are and wish to live like this. The committee has power over that person’s future life when making a decision. These people in the committee aren't even aware of everything and their opinions are often based on myths, so if you can't convince them, then....

It's mainly just the stupid laws that regulate it. I can only talk how it's in Estonia though.

 

Thank you. I hope it gets better. I will try my best.