Does my friend think of me as more than a friend?

I've been following this thread ever since I originally read it a few weeks ago, and you've only been further convincing me and what seems like everyone else who posted here that this guy does in fact like you (and it seems like he really, really likes you). To be honest, you have nothing to be afraid of; I truly feel like you should talk to him in private and be completely honest about how you feel about him. Like others have said, if he reacted in a negative manner--regardless of whether or not he likes you--after everything that you shared with us would be absurd. It's understandable why you wouldn't want to directly confront him about it (I don't know what I would do if I was ever in a similar situation), but continuing with all of the "flirting" and "hinting" is just wasting time that you could be spending with him in an actual official relationship. It's also possible that you two might not even be compatible with each other if you actually do end up in a relationship, and wasting all of this time analyzing, guessing, and asking us for advice is preventing you from pursuing a relationship with him or someone else. I'll continue to follow your thread either way, but I really think it would be beneficial for the both of you if you just had a private discussion about the situation with him.

 

I definitely think he is into you. You need to tell him how you feel. Let him know that he isn't just a top 5 friend. Let him know he means more to you than that. Let him know that you didn't expect it to happen, but as your friendship has grown that it feels like more than just friendship to you. Mention all the things you've noticed that make you think it might be more than just friendship for him too.

Ask him what his thoughts are about all of it. I know it is probably difficult to talk so openly about your feelings, but I'm sure you also don't want to spend the rest of your life asking, "What if?" Just remember that being open and honest with someone is not weakness. Being vulnerable with someone else is strength.

 

Why don't you try starting by talking about something else personal? Have you got anything going on that you could talk to him about, or confide in him? Once you start confiding in someone, it gets easier. Or start a "would you ever...." conversation to bring up the topic? If you do it multiple times he might get the hint

If he is into you, he seems to be doing everything he can to get your attention - give him something to work with. Copy what he does and ask him to sit with you more, initiate hugs and stuff. Think about if you were him and were interested, what could you do to show it without outright saying it?

It sounds like he's more comfortable being himself with you, and tries to act straight around other friends. Its coming across as the girls numbers etc are an after thought sometimes. Is that how it seems in real life, or am i getting it wrong? Either way, liking girls, doesn't stop you liking guys, so it's not hugely relevant.

If he's flirty around you but not other friends, and sometimes cools off when other friends turn up it definitely sounds like he's into you. If he was just friends and comfortable around you, he'd either be the same to you no matter who's around, or would be like it with other close friends probably (at least that's what mine are like).

 

Maybe that was him trying to figure you out? Get you to admit something. He's definitely thought about it Good luck!
Let us know how it goes

 

It seems obvious that you really care about each other. It could last a very long time if neither of you make a move though. It must be a little exhausting to have to overthink every little thing he does. Wouldn't it be nice to know once and for all ?

 

Wow, I've been following this Thread for quite a while now and I think that your story is pretty amazing, but like others have said before, you should really just go for it!
What do you want him to do? Hold up a bright and flashing neon sign that says "I really really like you a lot and want us to be more than just good friends"?

You're lucky to have such a friend and you need to admit it to yourself that you like hime too.
I wish you the best luck andhope that it works out for both of you! (!)

 

To be honest, enough hinting has happened I think you need to just tell him how you feel and go from there, just to save yourself from more grief.

I was in a situation exactly like this. All the touching, boundary crossing, etc. He did the SAME stuff this guy and you do- he would play wrestle with me to purposefully give me a hard on and then pants me, tell me he had dreams of having sex with me, and write me letters telling me he loved me. BUT this all happened without any real conversation. Even while we dated girls.

It was like torture, and I can sense you feel exactly how I felt. You don't want to lose this, but I can GUARANTEE that as time goes on, this will become less a source of pleasure and more maddening. I let my situation go on for a very long time, we both did. I honestly wish I hadn't. It's consuming you, the way you post reads like my thought process at the time, and no amount of hinting is going to resolve this. You are probably terrified of the resolution, I know I was because what we had was special. Know that is true for you. No amount of sign analysis needs to happen to validate how special this is.

I'll tell you what- my situation even culminated in a booze fueled night of kissing, groping, etc, and you know it never really mattered. We never dated, he wouldn't really pursue what I would have in an official way, and it almost sent me to the loony bin. Before that night I did what you are avoiding- the conversation. I said point blank, no jokes, do you have feelings for me. He said no. Then that night happened months later when he was telling me he loved me like crazy and tackled me to the floor and kissed me for like 2 hours. Some people will never reconcile this insane disparity between what the are doing and what they will admit to wanting and doing. You need to find out where his limit is. Do it when you are sober.

I really sympathize with you a great deal, and my heart goes out to you Just know that the longer you let this go on, the harder it will become to force a resolution, and the worse the fall out will be. But you can do it!!!!!!!! You just need to know that there is a BIG difference between all this "flirting" and a relationship- I mean it's beyond flirting. It's obviously real, and indicative of feelings that are real. We don't need to tell you that. But you need to know sooner rather than later if he will pursue these feelings and/or acknowledge them outside this jokey/flirty hinting veneer that is ridiculously thin.

So do it soon heythere, and make sure you're ready. But don't let yourself sit in this stew for too long.

I really hope you get the happy ending. Keep us posted.

 

I think it would definitely be best to admit the feelings in private. Soon. Because:

1) You will either get to start some sort of exciting relationship,
or
2) You will put yourself into reality and out of your misery. It is not healthy to live in limbo like this. It is better to know sooner rather than later, because if he is not willing to pursue it, you need to move on.

I know you're scared, and I completely understand why. This fear will not go away if you wait. In fact, it will likely grow, and it will only get harder to upset the status quo between you two.

It is humiliating to admit this, but I did this dance for six years. I wasn't strong enough to stop it. We shared a group of friends, and our relationship fluctuated a lot over that time- sometimes we pushed each other away. But for the bulk of that time, that dynamic was my emotional center of gravity, which was very unhealthy. I try to keep my posts light hearted, but those years left me chronically depressed, suicidal, and feeling insanely alone.

What is even crazier, is I can remember, AT THE BEGINNING of those years, pressing myself to reach some resolution. But I didn't, and the more time that passed, I lost my nerve and will to do so. I really don't want to see you go through what I went through.

Also, be prepared that even if he rejects you, you can choose to keep speaking to him, but it is likely the dynamic will continue to transgress normal friendship boundaries, which is what happened to me after I got up the nerve to force a conclusion. In fact our first full blown sexual thing was after he had coldly rejected me, imply I was crazy in the process.

In fact, he went on to get married. I am still single. After not speaking for almost two years, he facebooked me to tell me he thinks about me all the time. I didn't respond, it is totally despicable to do that to his wife, reaching out to someone where there was a constant romantic undertow. But he clearly has some serious limits, conflicts, etc, that he will never resolve. I don't think this is that unusual for humans, though it is very sad.

You were still debating in the last post about how he thinks of you. End the debate. We know he has some serious interest in you. That is no longer the question. The question is now, would he be willing to have a normal honest attempt at putting this on the table of life. The only was to find out is to sit him down and ask. My dude had obvious sexual and emotional interest in me. It was beyond obvious as time went on. But it didn't matter.

The relationship still mattered and matters a lot to me, but the pain completely eclipsed any comfort or pleasure. Like I said, I was ultimately suicidal over it.

Please be good to yourself. Keep us posted. Don't be afraid We're here.

 

Wow, I'm really sorry you had to go through all that. I hope you're in a better place now (*hug*)(*hug*) You deserve someone better than that.

Well done for making a decision, but do be careful you're not tempted by "just another month". That's how this sort of thing drags out.

Hopefully, it will all go the way you want, or if it doesn't, he might still be okay with things, and get over the awkward phase and you all can hang out as normal. I've been on the receiving end of feelings and we stayed friends, no awkwardness, so it might not be a problem but it sounds like you're prepared for this. Good luck!