Does coming out feel like you're turning into a different person?

I know how you feel. At times I’m filled with self doubt - like why am I all of a sudden thinking more about other women (more than in the past)? Could be because I feel that I’m “allowed to”. You probably don’t think much about it whole at work because you’re preoccupied. And the hormones jumbling inside after having a baby I’m sure add to this.

I don’t know your medical situation but it seems a bit much to take meds for dealing with this. Perhaps to calm anxiety but your feelings won’t go away. Perhaps talking to a therapist or finding a local support group might help.

 

I am not an expert on this but I think @weary is right - especially post birth -dont' some women for example go into depression?

great advice - it's not the time to make big decisions...

ok that said....

I feel this way too- and sometimes as a gay guy accepting his feminine side, that I was compensating for it b doing masculine things.. and it begins to feel fake when you accept being gay.

Feelings of family definitely get me OUT of my gay state and acceptance state.. It' s like I have to go back to playing that 'role'. I think its that way until we come out to our families.

 

I'm no expert but from personal experience, I had to learn to love myself first, except I'm gay and then tell people I'm gay. That was hard when your married and have children.....I probably thought about it for two yrs, it's a journey.....

 

I also think you need to wait a while if you only recently had a baby. Perhaps 6 to 12 months.....because your hormones and feelings will naturally be all over the place
I'm a guy but once I left I thought what if I have thrown my marriage away for nothing? I've been able to explore a bit and I have made a good decision.

 

I agree. and I realize that loving myself meant not just acceptance of being gay, but. feeling happy about accepting it.

 

I enjoy running which is my medicine for keeping sane. Looking after yourself is important and helps us to heal. Coming out, moving out and getting my own place, living alone took all of 2018. So when the time is right for you, you prepare to battle. I think for you to concentrate on your mental and physical health is important. Good communication is essential, I see my children frequently and they're doing good.

 

thts an important realization. same happened to me--and tht could b an anxiety related issue. if ur not already, id highly recommend a therapist.

hmm, in my very uneducated opinion, it sounds more like you really want to Try and Experience being with a woman as well. i believe you have feelings for men and for women (other genders i have no idea)-- and it can and does fluctuate. bisexuality is the ability to have romantic and/or sexual feelings for two or more genders--not necessarily to the same degree, at the same time, or in the same way.

 

I haven't really came out to very many people but those I did it felt less like a world changing event and more like just not having to keep a secret from them.

 

I'm just enjoying getting some new clothes that actually fit me instead of years of baggy horrible clothes....
Since coming out gay, how I look has become important to me. I'm doing it for me....I've been running for four months and also lost weight off my stomach. It's fun trying clothes on. Now I only buy fitted t shirts, tops and hoodies...it's been fun. I somehow feel free and liberated from my 20 year marriage to a woman.

 

My journey continues....
I'm now running 5k each run. And I'm getting a personal trainer. Gonna meet him in less than two weeks. Gonna get some muscles on my skinny arms and a nice stomach hopefully. People keep telling me the tummy has gone. That's just from running and eating a bit less.
I love being gay and excuse my bad language but I really don't give a f**k what the straight world thinks....I've met a couple of guys, even learned a few skills about being a top. Though I've got more to learn.
Just want to encourage you all to keep going with becoming true and authentic.....I even dress differently especially when I'm not working, just be inspired....
Jon

 

I know what you mean!I always considered myself bisexual but since coming out on 2018 my desires and needs towards MEN have accelerated rapidly.I feel like a 14 year old boy sometimes going through adolescent sex discoveries,and Im 45.All I think about MEN all day long.I masturbate only to GAY porn.I act more effeminate.Its like I started a high speed train heading towards a new GAY lifestyle.
And I used to be hot for women 24/7

 

The main thing is that your now happy. Life is too short I'm gonna be 44 this year so I'm only just behind you!
I have been on a massive high but I have luckily realised this and I'm now leveling off! I'm getting my flat sorted and the ex wife is filing for divorce. I had a couple guys on an app, one I met four times. But I'm looking to do more social things to try and meet a guy more naturally. Who knows! But one thing I have noticed I'm happy and I laugh, even at work! This year is about fun and laughter and perhaps a nice guy!

 

For me, Coming Out was like removing a mask. Though the mask is gone, I remain the same person, only now others finally see my true self.

 

I know this feeling well. Once you allow yourself to come out all the pent up heteronormative programming starts to fade and you realize your true sexuality. I too
was on that same high speed train to a new and absolutely rewarding gay lifestyle. In over 2 years haven’t thought of a woman, don’t miss them , much happier and a lot gayer.lol

 

Yes, to me, realizing I'm gay and later coming out meant feeling like - and eventually becoming - a completely different person. I'm still figuring out who this person is. I am so different from the person I used to be, that if I met that version of myself, we probably wouldn't recognize each other.

I think realizing your sexuality and thinking through the implications of coming out can be a very anxiety-inducing process for a lot of people, and when you add the fact that you have a family who will be affected by this, it can seriously raise your anxiety level. Throw in the post-birth hormonal changes, and it's no wonder you feel anxious. I second the recommendation not to decide anything for the next few months. Take time to figure it out. Talk to your husband, find a supporting therapist who can help you work through all this, and remember that you don't *need* a label. There are plenty of people out there who are not gay or straight but somewhere in between, and may sometimes prefer one gender over another, and that too is fine. It takes time to figure out what's right for you and what you would like to do with all this. Take all the time you need and take care.

 

I’m still at early stages, still coming out to folks. Those non-family folks who have had a couple months knowing I’m bisexual are sometimes saying I seem more relaxed, or more of who I am is coming through, in a good way. So, I don’t feel like a different person, but maybe I’m more of myself.

I don’t feel like running away from my life, just growing into my life in a new way. I have a couple advantages that others don’t have — my kids are adults, and I’m working away from home.

 

I honestly feel like it's pushing me to deal with a lot of cruft. It's making me care about things I spent 20 years not caring about because I had resigned myself to always being alone and now I have hope that's not necessarily true. I might have a fighting chance...maybe. I'm working out, doing some yoga, starting to meditate. I went to the dentist for the first time in a long time. I'm trying to address some health issues I had let go. I'm trying to get myself mentally in a better place. We'll see how it goes, but I'm trying to psych myself up to start being more social hopefully. I've experienced so much kindness and patience from various friends. It's all made me want to be better. I feel like I've got a million miles to go. I don't feel like a part of the lgbqt community properly yet much less dating or anything like that. But, it's the first time in a long time I've felt this hopeful or this much desire to be better. That and I feel more at peace. There were so many things and moments I was so ashamed of that I understand now. There's been a relief to that.

 

This is a great question! I for one DO feel different. But it’s a very good different. I spent most of my life never really seeing it for all its possibilities, only some, and I’ve opened up to so many more since starting on this journey. But I don’t relate to the concept of always having known I wasn’t straight, so that probably affects my viewpoint.