Depression Made Me Think I Was Homosexual.

Have u ever kissed a boy before? Thats usually a good test.

 

I agree with this. As an OCD sufferer myself, I can see very well how this could happen. I don't think HOCD exists as a valid diagnosis in that I doubt it is some kind of special offshoot of OCD - but that doesn't at all mean that unwanted thoughts about being gay can't be a part of OCD, just as unwanted thoughts about anything else can.

I know very well how OCD can make you obsess about something that your mind doesn't want to think about or something that makes you particularly uncomfortable, often without any basis in reality. It doesn't always have to mean that the person is repressing actual homosexual attraction. In my case, for example, I used to have intrusive thoughts about doing horrible, hurtful things to people I loved. It didn't mean at all that I wanted to do these things, or that I was repressing some kind of violent tendencies - it was simply that my brain had to torture itself by bringing up images and ideas that I did not want to see.

 

I don't find this strange at all. From your post, you said you thought you were many other things. There is a medical term for this.

Its called hypochondriasis. Basically people who have this are constantly obsessed about their health to the extent where, as the name implies, make up or strongly believe they have many types of illnesses. In these cases, it is all in the person's head and they usually are healthy besides being a hypochondriac. People actually get treated for this. . . so, like I said, I really don't find it strange.

 

No No. Anti- depressants make you numb to feelings. you still have the same thought process, but you feelings become null. It basically make you so that you don't feel anything, it puts you in a IDGAF mood. This could have severe consequences though if you are gay. Since I knew i liked guy's before I took it, some thoughts persisted. This caused me to go to parties and get blackout drunk, because I knew there was something missing, But If you say NOW that you get gay thoughts, then I would question if you are straight. My advice to you that you know you are getting gay thoughts, is to deal with it now.

 

Ok, I think you probably are at least a little bisexual. OCD can do some crazy things, I know from experience. Any obession can become reality. But to say that depression made you think this, is a bit far fetched for me. I was very depressed for several years, still kind of am a little bit, but unfortunately I never thought I was gay. Maybe because I was though.

Maybe it will be like herpes, just comes back from time to time. Or like an altered version of the Hulk! If he gets too sad he turns gay! I'm so sorry that was mean. I do hope that you figure everything out.

 

Actually, it's very rare that obsessions have anything to do with reality in OCD. That's not to say that the OP isn't bisexual. If he had OCD, he could easily be predominantly heterosexual with some mild leanings towards bisexuality which the OCD would latch onto and blow out of proportion.

I'm sorry, but that wasn't funny in the slightest, and it's actually fairly ignorant, especially from someone who has OCD himself. Many OCD sufferers also have depression, and I personally was diagnosed with depression over a decade before I was diagnosed with OCD. Also, biologically caused depression and OCD both are likely caused in part by low serotonin levels. If he does have OCD, whatever triggered his depression may have triggered an OCD episode.

It's also possible that he simply has some other anxiety disorder, and started worrying about being gay without OCD. He also could have simply been misinformed about being gay and came to the wrong conclusion. He might even think being gay is bad, and when he was depressed he would just use it as something to beat himself up over. Depression and anxiety can do a lot of screwy things to a person. It just wasn't funny.

 

There is one thing I do want to point out, and that is that depression isn't something that necessarily can go away permanently, it is a mental illness and while it can be inhibited and regressed it rarely goes completely away. I personally think hank that you may not be gay, but there may be an aspect of curiosity. I truly believe you are straight man, but depression or not, most men don't even come upon the conclusion of gay when they go through a trying time. Again please note, I do believe you're straight, but not necessarily 100%

 

I wasn't trying to be mean in anyway. And what I meant was that though obsessions aren't based on something real, they will always appear to be very real. I have both depression and OCD also. I thought it was funny in a way. I have fought with this dilemma for the past year. I didn't know if I was gay, or just depressed and obsessing over it. I know I have a dry humor that doesn't come off well in writing, so I do apologize. I think though that either the op is still questioning to an extent, or at least troubled by the experience. I hope. Otherwise he came here to let us know that some of us might just be depressed.

Please do not misinterpret my meaning or intentions, I would not make a joke like that unless I was also included, which I am. Again though, I understand that info doesn't show through. I do wish the best for the op.

 

Don't worry friendly ghost I thought it was really funny. As someone familiar with depression, anxiety, etc.. it makes things easier to NOT treat it as if it's the most grim and serious thing in the world.

 

Well, it's a GLBt forum. It stands to reason that you're going to find a majority of people who turned out to be gay after all, and comparably little straight people who just happen to stick around
(however, there are some straight members here and we're pretty inclusive, so do feel free to hang around as much as you want!)

On the bright side, I'm guessing that now you know you aren't gay, the fear of it is not too likely to come back. Like you said above, it was one of a long list of things you feared and eventually ruled out. The worst that could happen is probably adding some other mistaken self-diagnoses to that list.

So I guess the main focus should be, when (if) you quit anti-depressants, to do so under guidance from a doctor, and run back to a qualified doctor if you start feeling those symptoms again, as they're probably more a symptom of depression than anything else.

Might mean it takes a bit of work, but tons of people have the occasional problem and end up quite successful indeed, so there's no reason why you shouldn't get a happily ever after!

 

Thank you Bushhippie, I at least have to make light of my ridiculous behavior. I mean, I could probably be considered an alcoholic considering my hand sanitizer use. Sure, I can't help it, but I do realize it isn't the norm. He even asked if it would strike again. I know seeing the words alone can be deceiving though, otherwise I am a friendly person.

 

I think this is very brave of you to be honest about your circumstances and feelings so people are more confident talking about this here. I have also lost a parent in my youth and my condolences to you.

I have questioned my sexuality since my late teens ( now 32) but never followed up on feelings towards men. I have suffered depression throughout last 12- 14 years on and off and going towards gay thoughts has been a kind of comfort and escape. However I have only had deep and long lasting feelings towards women. I fell in love with a woman shortly before my father died about 9 years ago and that relationship didn't materialise(maybe she thought I was gay?!). Thinking and fantasising about men has been an escape throughout, having very real sexual feelings towards the idea of being with a man but getting near another man in reality makes my skin crawl. I just don't want it and I have never gone even as far as kissing someone of the same sex.
I also had an unsavoury and unwanted experience with an older male priest in my late teens, before I met the girl I fell in love with. It was something he obviously wanted to be sexual but I stopped it before it could get that far. I have admitted this only in the last few weeks to my mother and members of my family who have wondered why I have not been myself for so long. Just talking about it has helped me enormously. I feel a huge weight had been lifted and I am much more free to be myself - a straight man- now. I had felt that I must have encouraged this priest in some way and must be gay, keeping away from women over the years so I didn't mess them around. This only allowed me to bury my truer feelings towards women and left me feeling very unhappy and unfulfilled no matter how much I tried to convince myself I was gay.
I really feel that sexual feelings are very subjective and we have deeper ways of personally finding our truth, it really is about WHO you love, not just WHAT you love. Repressing heterosexual feelings is just as damaging as a gay person repressing homosexual feelings I believe. I hope anyone reading this who feels confused about their sexuality knows that there are a great many people going through similar problems, and that it's what makes you happy on every level that is most likely to work for you.

 

how did you think you were gay if you were never attracted to men?

do you worry now that maybe you're wrong again, or you've just convinced yourself you're not gay because of some unacknowledged issue?

 

What kind of pornography do you watch/did watch and what genders were you attracted to?
That is the best indicator

 

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