Corrupt A Wish

Granted. But then you go to jerk off and you can probably guess what happens next...

I wish I could control the weather

 

Granted, but the only thing you can do is make it rain. A lot.

I wish my English oral exam would go really well.

 

Granted. But this is the last oral experience that ever goes well for you.

I wish my roommate would clean his crap up out of the living room.

 

Hilarious. That and wanking comment was pure hilarity.

Granted, but all he does is shove it in your room, and turning your room into a hot mess. And he does it every day.

I wish my philosophy teacher decides to give me 20/20 on my philosophy exam.

 

Granted. But you sleep in, miss your exam, and your teacher has no choice but to give you a zero.

I wish I could stop cracking my knuckles

 

Too late :3 It already went splendidly!

Granted, but instead you crack something much more sensitive...

 

I wish I had a real Death Note.

 

Granted but all the pages have been ripped out.

I wish everyone could learn magic!

 

Granted, but it has only limited results, causing the entire world and everyone in it to resemble Equestria and the characters from My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic.

I wish I lived in an igloo.

 

Granted. But the igloo has no wifi and you can't access EC. Sorry!

I wish I could create a successful TV show

 

Granted, but it's a reality show about a sewage treatment plant, somewhere in New Jersey.

I wish an army of jugglers and clowns would invade Russia, and turn everyone there into drag-queens. (kings)

 

Granted, but also everyone else in the world becomes FABULOUS!, except for you.

I wish I could draw really well.

 

@HuskyPupGranted. They successfully kick out Putin and the Kremlin and turn Russia into an friendly LGBT fabulous country. And then they decide to spread out their fabulous to Lithuania. Then Albania, then Poland, then Germany you see where I'm going with this right?

@Aldebaran: Granted. You finish your first piece of work. And its amazing. But then you get cancer and die before the world discovers your genius.

I wish I could rule the world. DarkClarity's Global Republic would be 20% cooler and 100% more fabulous than the current world.

 

Granted, but your Global Republic is also 100% smellier than the current world.

I wish I could visit the Virgin Islands, having the trip be completely free.

 

Granted. You get to fly to the Virgin Islands. But there was an administrative error and your ticket is now only one way. You'll have to pay to get back home.

I could live with that and the rest of the world would have no choice. Try again.

 

I wish I wasn't so tired!!!

 

Granted, except now you're wishing you weren't so wired.

I wish we had a snow day tomorrow.

 

Granted but there's so much snow the power goes out and it buries your house so you're stuck in your house.

I wish I never made mistakes.

 

Granted, but then you lie about not having any Fairy Godparents, so in order for that not to be a mistake, you lose them. If you tell someone you have them, you'll be right and they'll come back, but then they get taken away from you for revealing the secret.
You'd realise this if you'd watched the Fairly Oddparents... this is why some people need to watch more cartoons...

I wish I had more Jules Verne books...

 

Granted! Oops, it seems I got these books in braille. Sorry.

I wish I looked like him...