I'm fairly new to this site so I'll give a little background info in case anyone reads this. I'm a teacher that is not out at work to anyone except for 1 teacher that I knew before we worked in the same school district. I have an excellent relationship with my district coordinator (my boss). We have been working together for 3 years and have socialized personally on a few occasions. My best friend and x bf came to a work event once simply because I didn't want to go alone and didn't plan on bringing my gf because I'm not out. I always said he is my friend nothing more. Yet I know people assume we are together. I just feel like I will eventually have to come out and the longer I wait, the weirder it will be when I do tell my supervisor. She will definitely be supportive but I worry about whether she will be confidential. I work in a small community where everyone knows everything. It's not an accepting community which is one of the reasons I have stayed in the closet at work. Not sure what advice I'm looking for. Just wondering if anyone had experience coming out at work or in your professional circles. Thanks.
I've never told my boss at my part-time job, even though we had a great personal relationship, too. Nor did I come out to any of my teachers. I know some teachers that WILL be supportive, but I think it would be weird to come out to them. If you're supposed to be professional in the workplace, I wouldn't want any other awkwardness. If you do want to come out to your boss, tell your supervisor on a personal occasion, like when you go out to a restaurant or something. Be as casual as possible. That's all the advice I can offer. Keep me updated!
i'd only come out if it's relevant to the occasion, imo. or if your school is trying to promote lgbt tolerance and what not, then yes i'd come out IF it's relevant to something you'd want to contribute to. otherwise there's not much of a reason imo
We have an excellent relationship that has moved past the professional. She asks about my weekend and vacation plans and I just feel weird constantly being so vague. There was a time when my partner's mother was sick and I was really stressing about what would happen if she died. I'd have to tell my boss then and I didn't want that to be how I told her. We are definitely in the friend category but she is still the boss if that makes sense. I'm not ready to come out at work but I feel like she should know. I feel like its lying at this point.
I'm having a hard time with this, too. I've worked at my current job a year now, and have not told my boss or even my coworkers I'm gay. And we work in a very small department at my office, and are actually quite close. We all joke around and know most of the goings on in each others lives. They occasionally ask if I have a boyfriend (not that is their business) and even though I've therefore had the opportunity to say "nope, no boyfriend, I'm gay"... I just. Can't. My last few jobs everyone knew, so I don't know why this job I'm having such a hard time spitting it out. So no advice here... But you're not the only one!
I know my boss is very accepting of the LGBT community, but most of my colleagues and I usually like to keep much of our personal lives to ourselves. We mostly just talk about our work and small talk relating to games.
Yup, already have. Man, was that awkward... she's cool with it though ---------- Post added 17th Feb 2013 at 09:30 PM ---------- Oh, and you should prepare yourself for the idea of everyone knowing... things spread fast in a workplace.
This is the only reason I haven't told her. I know she is supportive because of my comments she has made. It would not change how she feels about me at all. She would not think "to lie" if someone made a comment about my going on vacation alone or "with friends." That's my issue. I don't want her to have to lie too and I'm afraid she'd tell her secretary , who would like tell many.
I used to think that it was very important to make sure everyone I met knew (boy, was I naive!) This way years ago. Now, I just live my life. It could be that I'm single and probably will be for a long time. I think that you just need to be happy in your life. Build yourself up, first. Let people fall for you. Then, be proud of who you are (LGBT.) Maybe I still am naive, but proud and happy people really are a joy to see. If I came out right now at work, it would be so awkward because I'm single and annoyed with my section of the community.
If I were single, I wouldn't bother telling anyone at work. I live with my girlfriend and we have been together since 2005. A co-worker recently asked me if I wanted her to set me up with a male friend of hers. I just said no thanks. She apologized as if she was offending me or something and she felt so awkward. I probably just should have said thanks but I have a partner. This is why it bothers me. I'm not single and haven't been the entire time working at my school.
I recently told my co-worker/assistant manager that I may be asexual. He was totally cool with it. :icon_wink
I have came out to my supervisor because typical conversation and socialization involves talking about ones life. We all have co-workers who talk about their significant others, their vacations, their weekend plans, their family and the list goes on and on. I felt it was impossible to talk about my life and without referencing my partner...am I supposed to tell them I went on vacation alone? I live alone? etc. I don't go around shouting that I am gay, but really, it can be difficult to hide in social situations, especially with people you around all day, everyday. When I wasn't "out" to my co-workers, I felt like I was being secretive, had nothing to contribute to conversations on a social level and I truly felt isolated.
Well i have and so have alot of other people that work where i do. Never would of know so many LGBT people work at Kohls
I haven't come out to my boss but I'm sure if I did, he wouldn't care. He's a very laidback guy, and I work in a very indie-based music shop which attracts plenty of LGBT customers. I'm pretty sure one of my coworkers is bisexual, to say the least. I just don't see the big deal in coming out to them because it wouldn't make any changes. It'd be like, "Hey, Dave, dude, I'm gay." "Okay, cool. Thanks for telling me, CJ?". :lol: Maybe in a more professional setting I'd be hesitant because of discrimination which might come into factor. I wouldn't want to lose my job. That sounds like a tough pickle to be in. If it helps any, my mother is a University professor and knows plenty of lesbians who work in human resources there, and they're out and open. Very professional setting, and supposedly there's no discrimination. Considering they're out and all, and are happy about it. I suppose in your case.. I would just be honest. It'll eventually spill out, I would think.
My boss knows. We were having a conversation about how hot Katy Perry was and they he just stopped and looked surprised. He then was like "Wait you're gay?" and I said that I was. He really didn't care. I know that in my school district at home, we had multiple gay teachers. It was a fairly conservative place too. My town pretty much didn't care what you do as long as you are doing though.
It's hard to say. I'm mostly out with the exception of family and work. I am a professional and work in IT. My boss is kind of a turd and I don't know how he'd react. I've always said if I get into a real, meaningful relationship, I'd be far less "careful" around work. As it stands, I think of my sexual orientation like I would an other EOE protected class and just leave it out of conversations. Again, if I was in a relationship, I might be different about it -but I wouldn't come out for the sake of doing so.
I think you should come out to your boss. I'm sure she'd be accepting, if you've got that close a relationship, it may not be an issue, she could already know. I came out to my boss after knowing her 2 weeks, we were talking about gay bars so it was a pretty comfortable conversation, the perfect time to come out, if any, she was fine with it
The single thing is a problem for me. In my life, it goes hand and hand with my issues about being gay and the whole LGBT community. I didn't mean that it's a problem for all people. I just think everyone needs to be happy with their lives!
My boss is extremely homophobic. I most likely would rather find a new job that is more accepting then come out to anyone at my company.