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Christan and major anxiety over sexuality

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ECMember, Oct 20, 2018.

  1. ECMember

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    ive been having major anxiety over my sexuality and my Christian faith.

    Im a Methodist(well I attend church at a methodist church), prior and somewhat now I attend services of the college ministry Chi Alpha.

    I see myself as bisexual, homoplatonic.

    Anyway, im having more anxiety over my sexuality and my Christian faith.

    I havent had the chance to fuly explore it in my teens and early 20s. Well then I seemed thinking I was straight and assumed I hook up at a college party or bar. Never did. And also I had anxiety over women.

    But I felt close to guys a bit more.

    Girls i had or have fantasies over ones Id see or celebritied or atheletes.

    I briefly explored my sexuality in 2016 at age 24 just with guys at my college who were younger.

    Now Im 26 near 27 I wanna explore my sexuality again.

    But Im afraid Ill be going to hell if I hook with a few guys on a hook up app. I mesn Ive been to Chi Alpha and mention sexual immoritality and it as a sin. I mean I never explored myself. My dad is old fashioned and against homosexuslity. My mom is Catholic not really gay friend with some exeçtions
     
  2. Love4Ever

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    Well, I'm not Christian so my perspective won't be the same, but I certainly don't think experimenting with your sexuality is sinful nor do I think being gay or bi is wrong. I think if you need to do this then you should. I don't think religion has a place in telling someone what kind of personal relationships people should have. But it sounds like you need to resolve the conflict between your beliefs and your identity. There are ways to be religious and gay, but how you want to do that is up to you.
     
  3. phoenix89

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    I'm Christian and Bi. While it is not easy easy being Christian and not straight it is do able. I find that I am happier being honest about who I am (in the right circumstances). The pastor at the church I was going to until my car broke knows I'm bi and that I a wife and is still supportive of me. I have many good things about Chi Aphla. I was apaft of United Christian Ministry and they worked with chi alpha.
     
  4. Chip

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    It seems really likely here that your father's opinion, and your own fear of judgment from the church is keeping you from exploring your attraction toward men. For just about all the time you've been at EC, this issue keeps resurfacing for you, and yet your usual pattern has been to deny that there's real attraction toward men.

    For example, claiming 'homoplatonic' (which isn't a credible thing) and then saying you want to hook up with guys is an example of the inherent conflict you seem to be experiencing. I'm not judging it, just pointing it out.

    As difficult as it may be, I think you're going to need to let go of the judgmental part of Christianity. If you haven't read or watched what Matthew Vines has written on this, I'd suggest doing that. His high quality scholarly work has done a lot to change the minds of many senior Christian pastors, bishops, and the like, and in a nutshell, he says that all the Bible verses that appear to condemn homosexuality aren't being correctly interpreted.

    Additionally, there are plenty of gay-affirming Christian churches out there who love and celebrate gay people, and encourage them to experience themselves fully as sexual beings. That's something that I think would be really awesome for you.

    Finally, if you're worried about guilt and shame associated with gay sex, hookup apps may not be the best way to go. They're fine if you just want to get with a guy and have an orgasm, but with your religious background, you're likely to feel dirty and wrong afterward. You might do better to try and meet a guy and spend some time socially connecting and getting to know him and exploring sexual experience more slowly.

    I do appreciate that you're trying to get a handle on this. It seems like something that's been bothering you for a while, and I think if you do plunge in and take some action, even if it's with the hookup apps, that may move you past feeling stuck.
     
  5. ECMember

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    I am not interested in sleeping with every guy near my age. I have some type I like. Also I do have some fantasies involving women I masturbate to. Im not denying my attraction to men but elaborrating on my sexual preferences.

    I felt anxiety when around girls in school sort of based on my dads mood swings and perverted comments aimed at my mom claiming she sleept with men at her work or other perverted comments about women. Plus my dad didnt really teach me about my dating growing up due to his untreated ptsd from the Vietnam War
     
  6. Chip

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    I'm not sure where that came from, but certainly not something I said or implied.

    Here, you are going back into the same circles that come up every time you start a thread like this.

    So let me save you some time. First, put aside all of the stuff about anxiety with girls, the issues with your dad, and so forth. None of those have any meaningful influence on your sexual orientation, nor are they helpful to actually making behavioral change.

    Then, let's use a little bit of Choice Theory. Ask yourself these questions, and answer honestly.

    1. What are you doing now, in terms of behavior? This could be interpreted in any way you want.

    2. Is what you are doing working for you?

    3. If so, no problem. If not, do you want to make a change?

    4. What change do you want to make?

    And then... assuming that things are not working, and you want to make a change, what steps do you need to start with to effect the change you want?
     
  7. trailrider

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    I have explored the relationship between homosexuality and Gods word rather exstensively. I suggest reading the book "taking a chance on God" .. I can't recall the author of the top of my head, but I think it could help you deal more intimately with your relationship with God. You will not burn in help for being gay
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    You seem to be stuck in a bit of a loop on this issue, so I would ask you to refer back to our previous conversations where you talked about the conflict between faith and sexuality and reflect on what we discussed. Much of what we talked about then applies here.

    The arguments that are put forward about sexual morality and immorality are usually based around a narrow, one-side understanding of The Bible. Short verses are snipped out of huge and complex chapters with little appreciation for original language, meaning or context. It's the fundamentalists deliberate approach to scripture and you need to realise what they are doing and why they are doing it. Chi Alpha is not going to appraise you of deeper facts, details and concepts around Christianity or develop your understanding beyond base ideas. You need to decide if they helping you to mature in the Christian faith, or (as I believe) stunt your development and exert control with all of the talk of sin and hell.
     
  9. Love4Ever

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    I agree with this. I really don't think this is the best place for someone in a vulnerable place in their self acceptance to be imho. I think you need to maybe work on accepting yourself first, take a step back from your beliefs and reevaluate from a place of strength. I fear these people are going to reel you back into shame and self hatred.
     
  10. ECMember

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    Chi Alpha is part of the Assemblies of God, and they aren't really LGBT friendly. I mean I've read about that. My friend Zach(he's a conservative White evangelical) said that LGBT are welcome in XA(Chi Alpha) but they need to be right with God(repent), which people could assume is suggesting they need to be straight.

    I mean I do recall I had a brief sexual encouter with an Asian guy in Chi Alpha before I was even in Chi Alpha. He's still there and it's awkward when I see him there. I don't want to be an asshole but I thought he went around telling people we hooked up but I doubt it.

    In a nutshell, LGBT issues are there but it's sort of a hush-hush thing.
     
  11. ECMember

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    I mean Chi Alpha places an emphasis on being like Jesus, holiness, and walking with God. There is some mention here and there about love of others, just more on love of God. Chi Alpha is diverse in terms of race/ethnicity lines and that is good, but its seprate by gender.

    LGBT people I feel like are closeted and are afraid to come out. I mean I feel that if someone were to come out in Chi Alpha, they would be shunned or taught to "pray the Gay away." I mean I have formed some friendships here and been slowly opening up to these friendships I have about my non-LGBT issues such as mental ilness and past substance issues. Thats fine and praised I overcome drug and alcohol issues and mental ilness, but I feel that mentioning one hint of I had hand jobs with guys at my college in 2016 and was--and still unsure of my sexuality, I feel would destroy all friendships I attempted or made in Chi Alpha.

    And Chi Alpha had brought some stability to me in 2016 after I lost my final friend I had partied with due to conflicts in our friendships. So I am a tough spot Patrick.
     
  12. Love4Ever

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    I have a childhood friend whose family, though not involved in Assembly of God, is affiliated with a similiar church with similiar teachings. I don't think I can do enough to warn you that these churches are very toxic. They seem very welcoming on the outside but these places are not in your best interest. They can really trap you and make you feel helpless and then use that to manipulate you. I don't have anything against Christians or Christianity, but there are so many other choices that aren't basically a cult. Which is what these things are. If your faith and finding a church benefits you more power to you, but please don't do damage to yourself by getting further involved in this. My relationship with my fried has never been the same since her family became heavily involved in the church. It changed her and not for the better.
     
  13. PatrickUK

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    Okay Scorpion, let's consider that statement a little. Many Christians talk about being like Jesus (and holiness and walking with God), but when you strip back the veneer is that what you actually see? Does their attitude, behaviour and ideology align with the teachings of Christ, as we know them? I would suggest quite strongly that they don't. Any church that cultivates an atmosphere of fear and oppression towards another human being cannot possibly claim to emulate Jesus or be sympathetic to his teachings. One of the greatest themes that we find in Jesus' teachings is to refrain from judgement and condemnation and to live a life that is centred around love, without exclusion or denigration. It's quite dishonest to say that you follow Jesus while tolerating homophobia, transphobia, rejection of immigrants, asylum seekers and the poor, and support for acts of violence, love of money, power or status. The sad reality is that many churches are infected with some or all of these values today and have totally diverged from the fundamentals of Christianity, lending more support to political leaders than they do to the Lord. In summary, it is they (and not you) that need to be put right with God.

    You say that Chi Alpha has brought some stability since 2016, but I have counted a number of different threads that you have created here on EC where you have expressed concern or anxiety about their evangelical approach. Is it therefore accurate to say they have brought stability and friendship, or is it more likely they have brought an illusion of stability and friendship, providing you toe the line?

    Have a think about these things and consider your next step.
     
  14. warholwendy

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    Officially I go to a Christian church but I personally have more Unitarian beliefs. In my opinion I don't think homosexual feelings are sinful. It's all natural, God's creation, sex is beautiful.
     
  15. ECMember

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    I will say it has brough some stability and some spiritual foundation.

    I am only attending XA this yr more as a visiting alumni by Zachs invitiation

    I attend the UMC church services on Sunday which in doctrine is more liberal than Chi Alpha and AG.

    I will say that Chi Alpha not all people are far right like Zach, I have a friend that is one of the few left leaning like myself. But I met more positive friendships aside from the doctrine aspects, but I feel conflicted when Zach places an emphasis on homosexuality being immorral versus how The Christian Left and other progressive evangelical groups I follow on social media that are accepting of LGBT. Zach is homophobic to suggest that LGBT need to come before God and repent to be saved.

    Other few liberal people that are Christians arent like that I will say.

    I was and in Chi Alpha for fellowship and at least some foundation for a spiritual life.
     
  16. Love4Ever

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    I was actually going to recommend this to the Op. I think Unitarian Universalism is a great alternative for a lot of Christians who don't feel welcome.
     
  17. PatrickUK

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    So who is Zach? Does he hold any position of authority within the group, or is he just spouting his own opinions as fact?

    You're clearly in touch with a different set of ideas about Christianity, but you are becoming distracted by the narrow minded views of people like Zach. Have confidence in yourself and the path you have chosen and take time to explore those more progressive ideas. You made the decision to join XA, so why not do the same with a more liberal and grounded group of Christians who will not pass judgement or seek to change or manipulate you? There you may find some real friends.
     
  18. Jakebusman

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    I'm a Bisexual Christan if that makes sense
     
  19. Daryl

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    Bisexual and Christian are just fine together .god doesn't make mistakes. You are on the right path ..be yourself ..no one else can be you. Beleive in your self
     
  20. BothWaysSecret

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    As am I.