Can you be gay and not like butt stuff... asking for a friend

O.K, cool. Way to invalidate me like that. I say that because I am one of those people. I don't know what you're talking about, going on about "tumblr rantings". I'm speaking from experience, not some BS I read on a site I'm not even a member of. But, you know, go ahead and call my entire existence "bogus". You know, I thought admins were supposed to help the people on the forums they run, not invalidate and insult them. I try to help someone, and then get shouted down. Fucking awesome. Remind me not to try to help anyone again, since I'll just be belittled for it.

 

And you know what, Chip? I wasn't trying to "cloud the issues". I was trying to help. Isn't that what this subforum is about? But if it's not the kind of help you agree with, you'll just go off on someone like that, completely unprovoked? Just because you personally might not experience split attractions, does't mean they don't exist. I don't experience pansexuality, but I can still acknowledge that it exists. But you're willing to erase an entire section of the community. That's called being a gatekeeper. If someone's not your idea of LGBT, they must not exist, right?

 

Soooo... I’ve missed a lot. I wanted to add in a couple thoughts.

I’ve read through the posts in this thread again and I don’t think your getting different answers on the topic of the thread. I know chip said this. Anal isn’t for every gay and not only gay people are in to anal. This is a a recurring theme.

Now I’m not familiar with all of your posts, so please forgive me. I have read a few comments that contradict what mine was about not pushing the guy, but I am not gonna change my opinion because I’ve not read the other post. I’m basing it on the two I have read. This is the only area I see that is getting a bit different answers and I did want to mention the possible reason for that.

Well he’s your friend, no? I mean clearly you have a super strong crush on him, so I don’t think cutting him out would be great. Like I said I’ve not read your other threads (I don’t think I have and if I have please forgive the amnesia) but comments here have mentioned nudes being sent and such. It’s probably time define y’alls friendship in a healthier way for both of you. No nudes being passed, no kissing, no puffing the magic dragon or what ever it’s called that led to the kissing, etc. I think if you do that you’ll be able to start putting him back in a friend space and finding someone for your love space.

 

Yes, it’s possible to be any orientation and not enjoy every specific sex act. Not all gay men are interested in anal.

 

Yeah this is definitely a hallmark of Chip’s behavior. Also sort of why I left this forum... His level of intolerance is astounding.

 

I think you guys misunderstand Chip's intentions and personality. Having talked with him off-site a few times, I've seen that he changes the way he talks about stuff to a more conversational level when it isn't a mainstream post like this. He's not intolerant, just scientific.

His goal on here is always to convey scientific and research-supported information because people who come to this site want a factual answer to their questions and confusion. If there's no research to prove it, he doesn't support it, because a confused person is just going to get even more confused if they're exposed to 100 possible answers none of which are provable in any way. Being given the 1 or 2 factually supported answers reduces their confusion, so he obsesses on only factual information and calling out non-factual information (like his years-long battle about HOCD actually being a type of normal OCD and not a different disorder when people say they have HOCD, even though they both essentially mean the same thing one is factual and one isn't).

He usually includes something about people being able to use whatever labels they want in his posts, so he isn't saying it's wrong to use non-factually supported stuff, just that it's not ideal to tell people that on a site like this where they're looking for answers not more confusing possibilities of what they're feeling.

It seems like his sense of humor is misinterpreted as insulting a lot too. People get all offended when he says stuff like "unicornsexual" when it was clearly meant jokingly not as an insult.

 

Well he needs to learn to be more sensitive. Clearly he comes across badly to people for a reason and he needs to think long and hard about the way he says things and the damaging effect they can have.

 

So am I, but I don't go flying off the handle and invalidate an entire group of people I don't know just because I don't understand them.

 

@ThatBorussenGuy

Maybe I shouldn't jump in the middle of this because I haven't really kept track of all the discussion here. But, I will relate a bit about myself to see if maybe it sheds a little light on this subject.

I used to identify with the hetero-romantic idea that I only desired men for sex and women for emotional intimacy. I felt this way because I really love my wife yet desired intimacy with a man so much it was crazy. I decided I just needed to have sex with a man and that's all I needed.

However, as I looked back on my life, I realized that I had a boyfriend when I was thirteen. We had a puppy love emotional attachment. I didn't recognize this until I ran into him at a high school reunion and he was out as a gay man. He acknowledged our relationship. Wow!

Now I do recognize that I can develop an emotional attachment to another man. I can also be attracted to a man because I just want to have sex with him. I might not feel much in the way of an emotional bond yet I still want him. This isn't the same thing as not being able to develop an emotional attraction. For me I just have an easier time with the emotional bonding with a woman and an easier time with the sex only thing with a man. That's changed a bit now. I met a guy and it started out as a hookup, then we became friends and now we are lovers. The bond I feel with this man is different than the bond I have with my wife and the way we express our attraction and emotion is different. But, I do feel both a romantic and sexual attraction to him.

So. My opinion is that I just am able to, more easily, feel romantic attraction to a woman. This may be because of my personality or it may be because I have learned that this is what is right for me. So, it is a matter of my perception and not my sexual orientation. I hope I haven't just confused this more. Your experiences are what they are. But, I would recommend not closing yourself off to the likelihood that you can feel romantic and sexual attraction to another man.