Biphobia

We've joked about it before, when he has gone to watch a rugby game and stopped away for the night with one of his mates, he's said something like "I wonder if I'll be big spoon or little spoon tonight". But it'd be so out of character for him I don't think I could take it seriously. I think if he were serious, my gut feeling would be bad but I'd be able to engage my brain and realise it isn't a bad thing and I'd be cool with it. It'd be hard to justify anything else given my own situation. I think its the whole 'what if he becomes gay and we split up?' thing, that's got to be the biggest genuine fear that women have about being with a bi man.I guess that is probably because a lot of bisexuality is a temporary thing as people transition from default straight to gay.

Maybe gay men have that same fear about bi men, and lesbians too if their partner is bi.

 

I'd thank him for trusting me and keep the knowledge to myself because I don't out anyone, for starters. I'd never think less of him either. I have met a lot of bisexual men in my time, and always considered them valid.

What I have to laugh at is how some of the toxic straight men think about bisexual women... They think we're "obligated" to have a threesome with them and another woman, just because we're bisexual. They think we only exist to make their porn fetishes come to life. Or how they think lesbians haven't "had a real man" and are obligated to sleep with them to "show the woman" that they "only needed to be with a real man" to go straight or bisexual. It makes me sick to see it, and it's part of why I'm still closeted. I've run into too many toxic men who think that it's their "right" to have a menage a trois with two bisexual women. Blech.

 

A threesome is a big fantasy of mine, but those sorts of guys, I bet its all bravado. They probably wouldn't know what to do with one woman, nevermind two.

 

Thanks, although I haven't experienced it firsthand. I have a few women pals who are bisexual or pan, and they get a lot of crap from the toxic masculine men who think that way. It's insane.

I believe it, and it's sad people just assume because someone's bisexual that they're willing to sleep with everyone and anyone. We're not. So sorry you're experienced this, it's just beyond wrong.

Exactly. The ones I've run across who had that attitude toward my bi female friends were idiots, horribly sexist and I'd bet only "have fun" watching porn and "amusing" themselves.

I'm not one for threesomes except in my books - reading or writing one. In real life, I'm monogamous and I'm ultra shy.

But yeah, the toxic attitude toward thinking all bisexual people are sleeping around and have no boundaries on who they sleep with is just horrid. It seems no matter how much we try educating people about how it really works, they cover their ears and sing their national anthem (BADLY) horribly loud.

 

Right on. To me, it's a red flag to a relationship if a woman says she is bi. And it works the other way too. I have had women
turn me down because they are bi and I am lesbian. I guess it's just too much for them - homophobia perhaps?

 

I don't think its homophobia. We all choose who we associate with and get into relationships for many reasons. If someone is looking for a long term relationship, any criteria they have for a partner are valid IMO. It might be sex, height, weight, looks, interests, hobbies, religion, race, sexuality, age. All are valid and not dating someone because they are gay and you are bi is about as homophobic as not dating someone who is 70 when you are 25 is ageist.

 

I usually get on best with other bi people, so I would be encouraged when it comes to dating