Biphobia

I think lesbian women are sometimes hesitant about getting involved with bisexual women. I wouldn't say that's 'biphobia' though, just a fact of life, and a genuine risk that a relationship might break down due to their partner's needs that they can't fulfill. I imagine most straight women wouldn't be comfortable dating a bi guy either for the same reason.

 

Welcome, then. This surely is a nice place where to be among plenty of wonderful people

Being a bisexual man can surely be hard. On the one hand you get the best of both worlds, on the other you get people who says stuff like “you’re gay, just didn’t accept it yet”, or claim that bisexuals don’t exist and those who simply find it a major turn off.

Then again, from what I gather being a bisexual woman isn’t easy either, considering what @JT1999 said and fetishising.

 

I'm in a long term straight relationship and I love my boyfriend to bits, but it doesn't quite tick all the boxes for me, I feel like there are just some things I need that my boyfriend can't provide. For me, girlfriends have always been more of a friends-with-benefits type thing, not romantic. Luckily my boyfriend is pretty open-minded and doesn't mind me having some 'girl time', but I have always struggled with it a little as it does feel a bit like cheating, or maybe like he's missing out on time with me. He's known I was bi from the beginning and has been cool with it, but its not the sort of thing you can readily admit to friends & family and I wouldn't appreciate all the judgement. He really is a one-of-a-kind guy and I'm lucky to have him. But I wonder how compatible this is in a more settled relationship, I have my own place at the moment but we're going to be moving in together sometime around Christmas or just after New Year, so that might make things tricky. I want to get married and have kids one day and I wonder if it is appropriate behaviour for a parent?

 

It's not so easy now. In the beginning when we were together but not formally in a relationship, it was fun. I knew he liked hearing about it. I even asked him then, if we were in a serious relationship in the future would he consider it cheating and he said he didn't. He still doesn't, he's happy for me. My problems are more with myself. I don't think its compatible with societal expectations, like you say. Also, it shouldn't be a priority for me especially if I ever had kids. We don't have difficulties in our relationship at all, but 6 years isn't all that long and we've never lived together full time. I hear that it doesn't always get easier. Plus the logistics of it when I don't have my own place, that'd also make it difficult. So in a way I am preparing for a future without this. It's nice you and your wife are like best friends, I hope to be there some day. It feels like we're moving in that direction

I understand where you're coming from about not feeling like you can be 100% open about it though, I think it'd be a lot harder if this hadn't been part of my life since the beginning of our relationship. And it is probably different with two guys too, I can't say I'm open minded enough that I'd be totally happy if he wanted to do something like that, even though it'd be hypocritical of me.

 

Sometimes I hate being Bi

 

Would you say it's more good than bad though? That's kinda how I feel. And in any case, aren't the best things in life the things that require hard work?

 

I really didn't see a stigma about some in the community having prejudice against us bisexual or pansexual people until it was pointed out to me, and I saw it for myself. It's not the best situation, but we are here, and we are all valid, whether we're in a relationship with someone of a different gender or someone of the same gender.

I've been with the same man since my teen years, and he's always suspected I was at least "bi-curious", if not fully bisexual. I had it repressed for eons, due to family members - notably my mom - citing it was a "sin" to be LGBT+ in any fashion, and my mom not really accepting a lot of my choices in life, and who I was over the person she thought I should have been. Admitting it to myself, and my husband, was a relief for me. Yeah, there's a stigma attached to it, and I'm scared to come out to a lot of my LGBT+ pals, but just knowing who I am is a lot better than repressing it like I had for my entire life, you know? I feel more comfy in my skin knowing my true sexuality. I felt like a weight had been lifted, and more.

I just wish others would get that not all of us are either one way or another, within and outside of our community. Just because we're bi doesn't mean we're horrible, likely to cheat or otherwise. I know bisexual people who have been with the same person for eons and never ever cheated on their partner, or if they're polyamorous, never cheated on any of their partners, etc.

We're all valid. I keep reminding myself that daily, so I don't lose focus of taking care of me and my family.

 

They're only difficult in my head, really. I enjoy the best of both worlds but its a big time drain and I kinda feel like it isn't right. There's no pressure from him to stop or any indication he isn't happy with it.

I don't really know what it is about that scenario, it's not jealousy, maybe its more of a gut reaction than anything else? The thought is not a turn on in any way - and I have had weird sexy dreams about watching him with another woman and stuff like that. I don't know what I'd actually think of that in real life, but in my head those were enjoyable. Maybe it's just because he's straight and I just can't imagine that he'd ever want to, so the thought of it doesn't fit? We have talked about threesomes, he always sounds keen but I think, only in the sense that most straight men would be keen on the idea, but it feels like there's no drive from him to make something like that happen. And he's the sort of guy that if he wants something, he goes on about it until he makes it happen. We've done things that a lot of people say they'd do but never do, we've been white water rafting, done a gorge walk and cliff jump, bungee jumping and parasailing on holiday. They were all things he'd not shut up about wanting to do and actively made them happen so I get the feeling it isn't something he has a strong desire for.

 

I think there is definitely far more acceptance today, especially the younger generations. I'm 24 and I can remember gay jokes at school, but there were people I went to school with who were out and there were far more people who'd defend them than there were people who had an issue with them.

Wider societal acceptance probably does generate more vocal pushback from the people who are anti-LGBT - we can see that on social media. But I think from a purely numbers perspective though, things are moving in the right direction. I'm in a weird spot where I never really came out publicly to everyone but I didn't hide it and did tell a few people. I was openly into women at university and didn't attempt to hide it from new friends and housemates. I only ever had one person who was actively hostile (she was a foreign student from Africa and a Christian, so understandable from a cultural perspective). Most people were either accepting but disinterested or really cool and positive about it. I don't know if my boyfriend has told any of his mates that I'm bi or that I've been with women while we've been together, I know them as we have been out in groups before and I kinda feel like it isn't my place to say so I never have, I don't know if he'd be embarrassed or not. I'm not sure exactly how much men talk about their sex lives with mates.... It's one of the things he said always sticks in my mind, that he doesn't have an issue with it and is happy for me so long as it doesn't affect us. But something like that being public knowledge could affect us, so that is a slight fear of mine too. Even though I know it is none of anybody else's business.